Spam Gallery

[Pete C]

Formerly "They've Gone Beyond My Penis."

Post your amusing spam here.

I got an e-mail from "Bandt Tarango" titled "To Acceptably Uphold Septic Tanks (BX62Y8G7)." Is this a sequel to "To Serve Man"?

"Keep Your Septic Working Efficiently!
Get A FREE Trial of SPC Spetic Cleaner"

Spetic indeed.

[Canuck Don]

Got an email a few days ago.Cann't remember the exact wording but it was from a so called Dentist place saying for a small monthly fee can have teeth work done unlimited nu. of times.
The funny part ,it was from a place in Los Angeles.Like I'm going to fly 4000 miles to get get discount dental work done.

[Dennis Gonzalez]

Is this too obvious?

[bluenoter]

ATTN:SIR/MADAM

IN ORDER TO SECURE THE SUM OF NINTEEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS.
I WISH TO ASK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE,BELIEVING,THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME
DOWN EITHER NOW OR IN FUTURE.


I AM MR PAUL DURUAKU, THE ONLY CHILD OF LATE MR AND
MRS.UWA DURUAKU.MY FATHER WAS A VERY WEALTHY COCOA
MERCHANT BASED IN ABIDJAN, THE ECONOMIC CAPITAL OF
IVORY COAST BEFORE HE WAS POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS
BUSINESS ASSOCIATES ON ONE OF THEIR OUTING TO DISCUSS
ON A BUSINESS.

WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON THE 21ST OCTOBER 1994, MY FATHER
TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I AM MOTHERLESS.

BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ON 7TH NOVEMBER 2001 IN A
PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE IN ABIDJAN. HE SECRETLY CALLED ME ON
HIS BEDSIDE AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A SUM OF US$ 19,000,000
(NINETEEN MILLION , UNITED STATES DOLLARS)
DEPOSITED IN A SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE.
THAT HE USED MY NAME AS HIS ONLY SON FOR THE DEPOSIT OF
THE MONEY IN THE SECURITY COMPANY. HE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME
THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH THAT HE WAS POISONED BY
HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES.HE MADE IT CLEAR TO ME THAT THE SECURITY
COMPANY ARE NOT AWARE THAT THE CONSIGNMENT CONTAINS MONEY.
THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER IN A COUNTRY OF MY
CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS MONEY AND USE IT FOR INVESTMENT
PURPOSE, (SUCH AS REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT).


SIR, I AM HONOURABLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE
FOLLOWING WAYS.

1)TO SERVE AS THE GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND, BY TRAVELLING AND CLAIMING THE
FUNDS FOR ME.
2)TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR
COUNTRY AFTER THE MONEY HAS BEEN SECURED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
I HAVE THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT WHICH IS UNDER MY NAME.
3)SHARING MODALITIES WILL BE DISCUSSED ONCE YOU HAVE SECURED THE FUNDS.
PLEASE ALL CORRESPONDENCE SHOULD BE THROUGH MY FATHERS LAWYER,
MR.SULE AHMED ON HIS NUMBER(TEL: +873763226325-fax: +873763226327).

ANTICIPATING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
DURUAKU PAUL

[Pete C]

Are you aware that the "Nigerian scam" or "419 fraud" is
"according to published reports, the Third to Fifth largest industry in Nigeria"?

[bluenoter]

No, Pete, you don't understand! This man isn't from Nigeria; he's from the Ivory Coast. And after the poor guy had already lost his mother, his father was poisoned. The least I can do is show him that he's right to believe that I, Sir/Madam, will never let him down.

[GoodSpeak]

This is better if you read it aloud....

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and
sits down. He bangs on the
bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve
beer to bears in bars in
Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be
served a beer. The
bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We
don't serve beer to
belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve
me a beer, I'm going to
eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears
in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as
promised, eats the woman. He
comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

.........You're gonna love this..........

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate."

[bluenoter]

Here you go, GoodSpeak:

http://www.jazzcornertalk.com/speakeasy/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17

It's the Jokes thread in the Alley.

[GoodSpeak]

I got this as spam.


Six o'one, half duhzin th' udder.

[tippy]

>>You are receiving this offer because you opted-in to receive special offers from _________<<

Like HELL I did.

A couple years ago I signed up for something or other on e*trade...maybe to play the trade game or something like that, anyway I registered with a fake name--hiny Mokka--so whenever I receive a spam mail that says dear hiny, [you can have shinier nuts in just 5 days!] I know who it was that sold hiny out.

[Dennis Gonzalez]

Yes Goody...I got that joke as spam as well. It's so dumb. Sofa Kingdom!

[Ron Thorne]

Just think of the untold millions who wasted their time and money actually attending classes and learning stuff.


Hi , rthorne

YOUR DEGREE MAY BE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK
We remove the obstacles that cause adults to abandon hope.
DID YOU KNOW that you could earn your legitimate Associate's, Bachelor's, Master's or even Doctorate degree, utilizing your already existing professional or academic expertise?

Prepare for the professional advancement you deserve
If you are an adult with a high school diploma and have a minimum of three years of experience in the field you are seeking a degree in, YOU QUALIFY. As you know, employers continually hire, promote and give raises to new employees that have
ZERO skills or experience, just because they have that piece of paper. Take part in the wealth now! Within days you can apply for that unreachable job, or show your degree to your employer and demand the raise and promotion that your knowledge and skills deserve. How does this work? You graduate without attending clas&ses, or taking a leave of absence from your current job. You receive you degree based on life and work experience! The degree earned by our students enables them to qualify for career advancement and personal growth, while breaking down the wall that prevents them from receiving big money.

Degree verification and official transcripts will be provided in writing when requested by employers and others authorized by the graduate. Our college & University transcripts meet the
highest academic standards. Our University issues a degree printed on premium diploma paper, bearing an official gold raised college seal.

No one is turned down.

Confidentiality assured.
.

[RainyDay]

I wonder what the theory is behind sending the same message twice or more? I once got 30 copies of the same message. I especially like it when I get offers to make my penis AND my breasts bigger.

[shrugs]

Date: Sun, 4 May 2003 09:03:41 -0700




Get VALIUM, XANAX, PROZAC and much more ONLINE!!

Valium
Adipex
Diazepam
Ambien
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Prozac
Ultram
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Xenicar
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...and much more!

LOOK NOW -->


WE PAY THE ONLINE AND LICENSED PHYSICIAN FOR YOU
- FULLY LICENSED ONLINE PHARMACY

Our Pharmacy is fully licensed and shipping is done only by licensed
pharmacists
- UNMARKED PACKAGING

All orders are shipped in unmarked packaging to your nominated address.

- Rx SHIPPING PROTECTION
We do not want to keep mailing if you do not wish to receive.
Please kindly remove yourself and u will never be emailed again from
our
company.
Thank you and save the trees..
Email is not as bad as postal junk mail and fax junk..

[Ron Thorne]

Like most of you, I receive HGH (human growth hormone), breast enlargement, special mortgage rate, and penis enlargement offers all-too-frequently. The one below at least offered some comic relief.

http://www.nutsack.com/imsq/squirrel.jpg

The caption read something such as "Click if you want bigger nuts and penis than this."

[mjb]

How brain-dead do they believe the recipients of this nonsense to be?

First thing I hope this is the right email address flumpet@majicthighs.com ...:) You probably don't remember me, but we talked online a while ago. I don't really know what happened, but I guess we both just got really busy or something. I feel really bad because I don't want you to think I was ignoring you or anything.

Anyway, I know we haven't talked in a while but I thought we had the beginnings of a
pretty good thing going so I was just wondering if you'd be interested in getting back in touch. Maybe with a few emails first so we can feel each other out again? You probably don't remember what I look like, there are some pics of me at:


My User name is laurie243 .
I hope you're still interested. I'm gonna feel pretty dumb showing you that website if you blow me off..... but I hope that gives you some confidence that I'm for real.
I DEFINITELY don't just hand that out to people. I hope this works out for the best, you were the most compatible guy I met on that site and I feel horrible for letting it slide.
Anyway, check out the site and email me if you want to get together.
I hope so. Talk to you soon!

Love ,XX

Laurie

[Knike]

I turned 18 last week! My birthday was a lot of fun! My friend Brian came home with me that night. He said he wanted me to be able to remember everything about my birthday, so he brought a camera with him. He said he would put it online for me to see anytime I wanted to. I think he put it on this site. Let me know what you think of it. k?

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

Give your CellPhone a Boost 4 Five Bucks

As seen on late night television!Now you can purchase your own cell
phone booster for a FRACTION of the advertised TV price of 19.99

The Booster Antenna is a passive device designed to
capture the stray radiation inside the body of the
phone and re-direct the signal to improve the phone's
performance.

Now you can use your cell phone in:

* Elevators
* Cars
* Boats
* Mountains
* Ski resorts
* Tunnels
* Buildings and more.....

It's like having a FOUR foot antenna on your phone!.

Works on any cell phone, pager, or two way radio!
Boost your digital or analog cellular, PCS, or
cordless phone signal as well as your pager or two way
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**FEATURES:
=============
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This incredible internal antenna booster works on any Nokia, Motorola, Ericsson,
Audiovox, Samsung, Siemens, Panasonic, LGIC, Nextel, Sprint, Neopoint,
Hyundai, or any other brand digital or analog cellphone or PCS wireless phone
(As per the manufacturer of this Internal Antenna Booster).

*Install in seconds

*Enjoy the reduced static and enhanced signal on your cellular phone!!

ORDER NOW!

[mke]

In line with mjb's post, I once got one in French that went something like this:

Hi mwanji,

Had a great time at dinner last night. Let's get together soon. By the way, here are the porn sites I mentioned to you while we were watching the game on TV.

[steve(thelil)]

I like the ones that promise me breasts that will make my penis bigger

[Pete C]

Originally posted by mjb
How brain-dead do they believe the recipients of this nonsense to be?



I don't know, but you gotta give Laurie credit--she spelled definitely right.

[claude]

Hi I am Nancy and these are my free daily movies and pictures

10 movie clips of mothers I would like to fu*k

[claude]

I guess that I am forfeiting my "prize" by breaching confidentiality. Oh well..

THE INTERNATIONAL LOTTO
PO BOX 1011
LIVERPOOL, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM.



FROM: THE DESK OF THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT,
REF:EKS255125600304 AND BATCH NO: 54/1017/IDL.


ATTENTION: Sir/Madam,

RE/ AWARD NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today, 22nd of May 2003, of winners of THE INTERNATIONAL LOTTO PROGRAMS held on 30TH March 2003 as part of our first quater of the year bonanza.

You or your company, attached to ticket number 034-1416-4612-750, with serial number 6521-11 drew the lucky numbers 31-51-22-24-39-43, and consequently won the lottery in category C.

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$1.2Million in cash credited to file REF: EKS255125600304 . This is from total prize money of US$16,800,000.00 shared among 14 winners
in this category. All participants were selected through a computer balloting system drawn from 25,000 names from Middle East, Asia, Africa, Canada, Europe and North America and Oceania as part our International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Your fund is now deposited with EQUITY INVESTMENT LIMITED, a security, House insured in your name. Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program.

We hope with a part of your prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes US$1.3 billion International Lottery.

for due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice.

Remember, you must contact your claim agent not later than 2nd of june 2003. After this date, all funds will be returned as unclaimed. All correspondences to MR.MICHAEL MASON,either by fax or email,should have this EMAIL sent along with it and also, your FULL ADDRESS, YOUR COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE and your EMAIL ADDRESS to which this email is sent,should be clearly and BOLDLY WRITTEN IN YOUR RESPONSE with your claims agent.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every one of your correspondences with your agent. Furthermore,should there be any change of your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations again from all our staff and thank you for being part of our promotions program.

Sincerely,

SHIRLEY JENSEN.
THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
THE INTERNATIONAL LOTTO uk.

N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to disqualification. Please do not reply to this mail. Contact your claim agent

[bluenoter]

I don't know, but you gotta give Laurie credit--she spelled definitely right.
Yeah, that's "definately" refreshing. But I always spell "definitely" right, and what credit do I get? :)

[Pete C]

Originally posted by bluenoter

Yeah, that's "definately" refreshing. But I always spell "definitely" right, and what credit do I get? :)

Just because we don't say it all the time doesn't mean we don't appreciate it.

[bluenoter]

Just the same old stuff, but for some reason I opened this e-mail and found it more colorful than most:

From: "Norris Guerrero" <norrisguerrero@inbox.lv>

To: [me]

Subject: Do you think it'll work?

VP-RX will take your sex life
to new levels... Guaranteed!

Your penis will grow up to 3 inches

Your erections will be rock hard

Your sex drive will be supercharged

Your orgasms will be more intense

Your partner will be astounded
Click here to get VP-RX now!

[Pete C]

From :
Enlarge_Your_Tool_Guaranteed@hotmail.com

Subject :
Enlarge Your Johnson Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!

Date :
Sat, 24 May 2003 01:24:19 -0400

[Pete C]

Dear Fellow Networker,

Let's get this straight, the only way you can make money on
the Web...Bulk E-mail. Legal, ethical, and responsible Bulk
E-mail (not spamming) can make you rich! It applies whether
you're an Australian, Asian, European or American.

Bulk Email Is Not Spam.....The Law says so. Only fear keeps
you from getting FREE, TARGETED LEADS at will.

I will show you :

* The Secrets Used By MasterCard, Polaroid, AOL
* How to Send Bulk Email Safely
* Free Software to Harvest Targeted E-mails
* Free Software to Bulk Mail that will bypass your ISP
and much much more

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I seek your permission to send you the **FREE** new booklet,
"The Untold Secrets to Wealth on the Web" today.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you're not interested, please go to the end of this email & click remove.

Get your message to the millions of people on the Web who
need or want your service & product.

************************************************************************
I like you could never get enough traffic/hits to my site.
I tried everything from FFAs to search engines & even Leads
which didn't work at all !
***********************************************************************

Act Now !

[Pete C]

Sobolik Hosse For better or worse Russian brides work (rudhWbrEu2G) Wed 06/18 15k

[tippy]

Someone wants to date you

[bostontricky]

MKCoGY All To ols you need to b'uild your bi z webs'ite

- - - -- - - -

Obviously does not include Spell Check.

[tippy]

Why is the vacuum cleaner so mad?

[Pete C]

How did I get this?

"G'Day Footy Fans -

WHITE FLAG RAISED ON FINALS
The AFL has given up the fight for a change to the finals this year.
Wayne Jackson revealed that the impasse with the MCC will not only affect the preliminary final but the first two weeks of the finals"

Henry Mc, are you behind this?

[Pete C]

This one looks trustworthy. DO you think I should open the attachment?:

Andy Upton FW: Look at these security patch from the M$ Corporation.

[Lois Gilbert]

Please folks do not post any links to spam except the food. All links will be deleted thanks
Lois

Everytime, you click through to post the url, you are being monitored and will receive dozens of more spam. Anyone who click thru a spam link on this site will cause jazzcorner's spam to rise (we average now about 5,000 spam a day) and utilize spamassasin. We will not tolerate spam and if any user is sending any, they will be blocked. I'm sorry to come off so strong, but to great expense and effort we're trying to control the spam and have successfully reduced from about 9500 a day down to about 5,000

Thanks for understanding

[mke]

The classic "African dictator" spam seems to have taken a new twist, moving up the chain to bank managers:

------

Dear Sir,

I am Mr. Jonathan Leigh, an official with one of the international bank
in
Netherlands. My colleagues and I have an urgent and very confidential
business
proposal for you. On the 6th of June 1998 an American gold miner in
south
Africa ran an account with us and his present balance is valued at
US$38,500,000.00 (Thirty Eight Million, Five Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars Only)
in my Bank. We sent a routine notification to his forwarding address
but got
no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally, we discovered
from
his employers that he died from an automobile accident. On further
investigation, we found out from his account file that he never made a
will and all
attempt to trace his next of kin was fruitless, as he had none.

We therefore made further investigations and discovered that he did not
declare any next of kin or relations in all his official documents in
the Bank
files. This sum of $38.5 Million is still lying in the bank and the
principal
sum and interest is being rolled over at the end of every year. As it
is now,
no one will ever come forward to claim this money. According to the
Netherlands law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will
revert to the
ownership of the Government if unclaimed.

Consequently, my proposal is that I would like you to stand in as the
next of kin. This is simple; all we need is some of your details so
that the
Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which
would put
you in place as next of kin. An accredited Attorney will draft and
notarise
all necessary documents and letters of probate/administration in your
favour
for the transfer.

The money would be shared in the ration that we both shall agree upon.
There
is no risk at all as the paperwork for this transaction will be done by
the
Attorney and my position as a manager guarantees the successful
execution of
this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via
email.

Please observe utmost confidentiality and be rest assured that this
transaction would be most profitable for us. I shall still require your
assistance to
invest my own share in your country just incase you can help; otherwise
we'll take our share.

Awaiting your urgent response.

Best regards,

Mr. Jonathan Leigh

[mjb]

I am geting many offers a day to supply me with Vicodin. Until a few weeks ago I had never heard of the drug.

I think it may be an antidote to overdosing on either Viagra or penis enhancing medication.

[Douglas]

As Seen on NBC, CBS,
CNN and even Oprah!

Forget Aging and Dieting Forever!
And it's Guaranteed!

The Health Discovery that Actually Reverses Aging while Burning Fat,
without Dieting or Exercise!

[Chris A]

I saw a picture of Clarence Thomas the other day, and--through association--I wondered, has anyone ever received a penis reduction offer?

[Pete C]

Originally posted by Chris A
I saw a picture of Clarence Thomas the other day, and--through association--I wondered, has anyone ever received a penis reduction offer?

Yes, from a sorcerer in Gambia.

[Ron Thorne]

One of the most active spam subjects lately has been Cialis, also known as Super Viagra or the "Weekend Drug".

However, the one below arrived in our mailbox this morning, and takes the cake. I'm reproducing it exactly as received. This is a first.

Whats your plans for after you die?


The following prayer can save you for eternity,if your
not saved do it today, if you are give it to someone who needs it.


This prayer can save your soul:


"Oh God, save my soul. I'm so sorry that I have
sinned against you, but I have come home. I will
serve you, Lord, the rest of my life. Deliver me
from all my sinful habits. Set me free! I do believe
Jesus died on Calvary for me, and I believe in His
blood, that there is power in His blood to wash away
all my sins, all my sins!" Say, "Come into my heart,
Jesus; come on in, Jesus. Come on in!"

If you meant it, He has come. If you meant it,
Jesus is yours. Start reading your Bible, pray daily
and believe that somebody's listening; His name is
Jesus




find a local church today.

[mjb]

Designed to inspire and create a rush to order ... Or is it free verse?

Guys! No thanks!

I'm doing it just cause I was informed the same way about
this great s@le.
uvlweri mgakrcnltd pytuedpd ejvimiw hxccbbefgf
You see, you do realize that producing top sotfwrae takes a hell lot of time.
Time is moeny today and the priecs for this unique sotfawre sometimes go far
beyond our possibilities.

But some today still believe in miracles. Miracles do happen, especially when
Christmas and New Year are just about to take place.
Good old Santa (Internet) is ready to provide you with b-e-st and latest
sotfawre prorgams almost for f.r e.e!
lmosfu viwpzncyx qshyz wckxmwe xmzikctixz
It's strange to see the pcires so low, but this ain't some tirck.
The s@le is on and already thousands of srufers including me have purhcaesd
top sotfawre as
Abode P@geM@ker 7.0($59.95), Coerl Draw Graphcis Sutie 11($69.95), Cakwealk HMOE STDUIO 2004($29.95),
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The s@le is on guys and I tell you that the number of sotfawre is l1m1ted.
So you better hurry and pruhcase it while you can. Cause it's only in miracles
you can get THIS software for THESE prcies. My advice.

[mjb]

I thing "Waiting From Sex" is a fine name for a band.


-----Original Message-----
From: Demetrius P. Quinones [mailto:pquinonesfg@megared.net.mx]
Sent: January 3, 2004 00:30
To: mburn
Subject: holiday surprise


Sometimes people call it "Magic Lubricant". Sometimes - "Power Bottle".
Why?

An amazing erection WITHING SEVERAL SECONDS is guaranteed to you!
Double-strengthed orgasm and full satisfaction... I guess this is excatly what are waiting from sex!

Your easy-to-use solution is here: hfg3.biz/vpoil/?utopia

-----
Link below is for that people who dislike adv.....
//hfg3.biz/vpoil/o.html

[bostontricky]

You have got to be fucking kidding me...from the spam magnet/yahoo account.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

DEAR OnlineCitibank Member_,

This_ e-mail was sentt by_the_ OnlineCitibank _server_ to
veerify your_ EMAIL_ addres_.
You must cmpeotle this prcoses by clicking on_the_link
beelow and enttering in the litle winddow your Citibank_
Atm_ card nummber and PIN_ that you_use on_the local Atm Machine.
That is donne for-your ptreoction -y- becaurse some of our
memmbers no longer have accses to their email adsseders
and we must verify it.

[Ron Thorne]

This one takes the cake, especially the rambling at the end. This is the exact wording, except for my deletion of e-mail addresses. Hey,shipping is FREE!

Subject: RE: You can become a legally ordained minister

Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2004 21:01:10 -1000

From: malena gibson <eliracien@superpstore.every1.net>

To: (edited)

CC: (edited)


Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!

BE ORDAINED NOW!

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!

WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!
Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

FUNERALS
A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

BAPTISMS
You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!"
What a special way to welcome a child of God.

FORGIVENESS OF SINS
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!

VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!


At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is
worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you
agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks
can benefit from the power of it.

Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even
$50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.

For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate in color, with gold seal
(Certificate professionally printed by an ink press)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in your name
3. Shipping is free

Press this link to order and learn more


His first act was to transfer the traveling machine to his own wrist and to see that his other electrical devices were safely bestowed
in his pockets
Then he sat upon the rock to rest until the Turk recovered consciousness
Presently the fellow moved uneasily, rolled over, and then sat up and stared at his surroundingsPerhaps he thought he had been
dreaming, for he rubbed his eyes and looked again with mingled surprise and alarmP O1200b, Orange s tad, A rub a Then, seeing
Rob, he uttered a savage shout and drew his dagger

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

I got a phone call from:

"Hi is this Mr Catchpole"
"Y...."
"Congratulations! I'm Kelly from Four Star travel, and you've been selected to take part in Disney's 100th anniversary"
"click"

taped junk phone calls are way worse than e-mails. I had a normal real person phone call from some phone company yesterday as well, both used my name. grr.

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

Dear Friend!

Recent national surveys report that nearly eighty percent (80%)
of all American households eat out at a fast food restaurant at
least three times a week.

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This is an advertisement from
PMB 155 Farmington dr.
Greensboro, NC, 27407

If You wish to be removed, please send
email or mail to the sender.
biznisz11@freemail.hu

[mke]

Subject: "soft virtuoso bowel"

I first mis-read that as "solo virtuoso bowel."

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

Note the spelling of residents as residence at the end.

And this lovely sentence:

>Please be aware that your Paying Authority wills Effect Payment Swiftly upon satisfactory Report, Verifications and validation provided by this Clearance Office>

Internet lottery
Under International and Swiss Lotto

REF NUMBER: 014/061/500
BATCH NUMBER: 962901-PCF03

Sir/Madam,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International programs held on the 5th of February 2004 all games promotion. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 27522465896-6453 with serial number 3772-554 drew lucky numbers 18-7-14-23-31, which consequently won in the 1st category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of 2,000,000 (EUROS) (TWO MILLION EUROS)

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

For security purpose and clarity, we advise that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every year.

This lottery was promoted and sponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei. We look forward to your active participation in our next year USD50 million slot.
To process your claim, please fill the form below and contact our clearance office via the email address below:

Clearance officer: Mr. Patrick Johnson
Email Address: internetlo003@netscape.net

Your fund can be release from either of the following options and are required to choose the mode in which you want your claim release to you.
1. International Bank Draft
2. Certified cheque
3. Wired transfer

If you choose option 3, you are require to provide your account detail
Note that, all winnings must be claimed not later than one month starting from today, failure to respond to this mail before one months time from today, all unclaimed funds will be null and void.

Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations once more and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

NOTE: YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY DISQUALIFIED IF YOU ARE BELOW 18 YEARS OF AGE.
_____________________________________________________________________

FORM

Internet lottery

Under International and Swiss Lotto
Dublin 3
Dublin - Ireland.

LOTTERY PAYMENT APPLICATION FORM

(To be completed by lottery winners only)
Ticket Number: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Reference Number: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Batch Number: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
First Name: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Last Name: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Home Address: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Town/City: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Post Code: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Country: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Telephone (Home): ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Mobile: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Fax (Private): ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Fax (Office): ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Email Address: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Date of Birth: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Occupation: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*
Marital Status: ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*¡*

I.............................¡*¡*¡*hereby declare that the above information are true and binding on me. If at any time it is discovered that I have given false information, I will forfeit my rights to my winnings.

Sincerely yours,

Mrs Fiona McDollard.

(Lottery Coordinator)

IMPORTANT NOTICE.

Please be informed that NON RESIDENCE of Ireland and United Kingdom will be required to procure a Affidavits of Lotto Claim/Court clearance certificate from the Court in Ireland prior to award payment policy of Organisers/European Gaming Board as required by the Clearance office.

Please be aware that your Paying Authority wills Effect Payment Swiftly upon satisfactory Report, Verifications and validation provided by this Clearance Office

[Pete C]

I got an email that said "Everyone qualifys for our diplomas." WHo could ask for better proof?

[hermann]

Hey Nathaniel, it's international, I got this version:

VSOFT SWEEPSTAKE INTERNATIONAL
FORROES ISLAND.

FROM: THE DESK OF THE PROGRAMS CO-ORDINATOR.
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPT.
REF NO: VSL/2000087009/04.
BATCH NO: 12/010/IPL
DATE: 3rd July, 2004.
ATTENTION: Lucky winner

RE: AWARD NOTIFICATION, FINAL NOTICE

We are please to inform you that the result of our V
SOFT SWEEPSTAKE LOTTERY/PROMOTIONAL PROGRAM which was
held on the 1st day of July,2004 have been released and
that your email address attached to ticket number
115-11007006-626 with serial number 1662-00 has
consequently won this lottery in the 2nd category. You
have therefore been approved for a total sum payment
of USD$750,000.00 (SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US
DOLLARS ONLY) in cash credited to file REF NO:
VSL/2000086008/04. This is from a total cash prize of
US$1,500,000.00(ONE MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US
DOLLARS ONLY) shared among the two winners in this
category. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Your funds have already been deposited as a bank bond
with a security/finance firm insured in your name. Due
to mixed up of some numbers and names as this was done
base on computer programming, we ask that you keep
this award from the general public until your claim
has been processed and your money remitted to your
account as this is a part of our security measures to
protect your interest. All participants were selected
through a computer ballot system drawn from 300,000
email addresses across the internet as part of our
promotional program, which was conducted to introduce
our new software which is about to hit the market. We
hope that with a part of your prize money you will be
able to purchase our product once it is out. To begin
your lottery claim, please contact your claim agent,
MR JEFF PETERSON Operations manager UNIVERSAL SERVICES
B.V., in the Netherlands on
email:universalbv@netscape.net, for processing and
remittance of your prize money to a designated account
of your choice. Remember, all prize money must be
claim not later than 20th July 2004. After this date
all funds will be returned back to us as unclaimed.

Note: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and
complications, please do forward your Full names and
Tel/Fax number to your claim agent and remember also
to quote your reference, ticket and batch numbers.

Congratulations once more from all members of our
staff.

Sincerely,
ALEXANDER NEBROSKI
PROGRAMS CO-ORDINATOR.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

A classic opening sentence (fragment), beginning with a cool, pedantic tone but finishing with an attitude:

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Miller stilt graphite reave snyaptic obstinacy monsieur pro


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°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


I assume this last part was the Valedictorian's graduation speech.

[Pete C]

I assume this last part was the Valedictorian's graduation speech.

I think it's an example of L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poetry.

[mjb]

I offer this as it is quite obvious that each and every one of us needs this product (and I like the word "discluded."):


-----Original Message-----
From: Ginger Veblen [mailto:Raniatbh@alcomgt.com]
Sent: July 31, 2004 03:20
To: Mburn
Subject: Miraculous New Product Cures and Prevents Illness


The Ancient Secret of Life

'THE ANTIDOTE'

(link removed)

Kills ALL known deadly Viruses & Bacteria in the body that keep
diseases, namely: Influenza, SARS, Cancer, HIV etc. etc. active.

A disease must be made DORMANT to stop infection.
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Free shipping & 30-day money back guarantee

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(link removed)


If you would like to be discluded,
continue here:
(link removed)

[Pete C]

The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search box to the right.

Suggestions for disclude:
1. de-skilled
2. discoed
3. discoid
4. discord
5. discoidal
6. disclaim
7. disklike
8. discommode
9. disaccord
10. duskily

[mjb]

That is very discluded of you Pete.

[mjb]

My memory is not what it used to be - I don't really remember submitting the application!


-----Original Message-----

From: Gregorio Glass

Sent: September 14, 2004 15:10

To: mburn@com

Subject: Finalization Form





In Response to Application ID:0171-82

Description:

Our central office has authorized me to send you approval

of your mortgage re-finance based on your application.

Some of our information is missing and we need you to complete the form below so we can proccess your check.

http://amendedtoprotecttheinnocent.net?partid=c77 (http://amendedtoprotecttheinnocent.net/?partid=c77/)



Thank you for your application.

Gregorio Glass;

Account Manager

Trades and Finance Department

Central Headquarters:

Rua da Imprense,

4347, R/C Bloco 1-33

Maputo, Mozambique



Want to be Deleted from our Client Base? http://howstupiddoyouthinkIam (http://howstupiddoyouthinkiam/)

[jesus marion joseph]

ATTENTION PLEASE! THIS IS NOT A SPAM MAIL. AND MAKE SURE YOU READ THE
MESSAGE.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I GUESS MY LETTER WILL NOT EMBARRASS YOU, SINCE I
HAS NO PREVIOUS CORRESPONDENCE WITH YOU. I GOT YOUR CONTACT THROUGH THE
FOREIGN TRADE OFFICE OF THE NIGERIA ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS. I STRONGLY
BELIEVED, I WOULD NOT REGRET APPROACHING YOU IN THIS MATTER. IT IS MY
BELIEF THAT I CANNOT CONTINUE LEAVING A MONOTONOUS AND UNAMBITOUS
EXISTENCE; THE KIND OF LIFE THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YOUNG MEN LIVES, WHO HAVE
NO PROSPECT AND WHO WILL BE DOING THE SAME THING IN ANOTHER TWENTY YEARS
TIME AS THEY ARE DOING NOW.
I AM MR. RICHARD WILLIAMS, CHIEF AUDITOR-GENERAL CONTINENTAL TRUST
BANK LIMITED, ENUGU MAIN BRANCH. FOR REASONS WHICH WILL COME TO LIGHT AS
YOU READ ON. I OBTAINED YOUR ADDRESS PARTICULARLY FOR THE SAKE OF THIS
BUSINESS PROPOSITION. PLEASE EXERCISE SOME PATIENCE AND READ THROUGH MY MESSAGE.
I HAVE A VERY URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TO PROPOSE TO YOU. ON
THURSDAY JUNE 6TH 2000, AN OIl CONSULTANT/CONTRACTOR WITH THE NIGERIA OIL
MINISTRY, MR. YOUSEFF ABDULLAH, AN IRAQI NATIONAL, MADE A NUMBERED TIME FIXED
DEPOSIT FOR TWELVE CALENDAR MONTHS, VALUE US$20 MILLION DEPOSIT IN MY BRANCH.
ON MATURITY, WE SENT A ROUTINE NOTIFICATION TO HIS FORWARDING ADDRESS BUT
GOT NO REPLY.
AFTER A MONTH, WE SENT A REMINDER AND FINALLY, HIS EMPLOYERS,WROTE TO
INFORM US THAT MR. ABDULLAH DIED IN AN AUTO MOBILE ACCIDENT. THAT HE
DIED WITHOUT MAKING A WILL WHILE ATTEMPT TO TRACE HIS NEXT OF KIN THROUGH
THE IRAQI EMBASSY PROVED FRUITLESS.
AT FIRST, I WAS SURPRISED THAT I DID NOT RECEIVE MUCH OFFICIAL
CO-OPERATION IN MY ENQUIRIES IN ORDER TO TRACE HIS KIN IN IRAQ AND
INFORM THEM ABOUT MR. ABDULLAH'S DEPOSIT OF US$8.4 MIILLION PLUS ACCRUED
INTEREST.
FURTHER INVESTIGATION REVEALED THAT MR. ABDULLAH WAS ACTIVELY OPPOSED TO
IRAQ GOVERNMENT OF LEAD BY THE FORMER PRESIDENT SADDAM HUSSEIN OF IRAQ AS A
RESULT, HE WAS DRIVEN INTO EXILE. BEING AN OIL EXPERT, MR.ABDULLAH SUBSEQUENTLY
OBTAINED A JOB IN NIGERIA HERE, AND SETTLED IN NIGERIA. THEREAFTER HE WALKED
INTO MY OFFICE TO MAKE THE AFORE-MENTIONED DEPOSIT OF US$8 MILLION. HE DID
NOT DECLARE HIS KIN IN HIS APPLICATION PAPER WORK.
WHEN I ASKED HIM, HE INFORMED ME THAT HE WISHED IT SO.IN THE
CONSERVATIVE MANNER OF OUR BANK. (MY EMPLOYER), I DID NOT TURN DOWN HIS
WISH BUT RATHER HONOURED IT ESPECIALLY GIVEN HIS HIGH NET WORTH. IN
REALITY, NO ONE KNOWS THE SOURCE OF HIS MONEY SINCE APPARENTLY, THE TIME FRAME
OF HIS EMPLOYMENT HERE DOES INDEED PRECLUDE SUCH A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY.
IT IS THEREFORE PRESUMED THAT HE BROUGHT IN HIS MONEY FROM IRAQ ALTHOUGH
THIS IS OPEN TO SPECULATION.
THE POINT HOWEVER IS THAT THE EMPLOYERS ARE NOT AWARE OF HIS
MONEY,THEREFORE ONE CAN SAFELY INFER THAT NO ONE WILL EVER COME TO THIS MONEY.THIS FUND,TOTALLING US$8.4 M(INCLUSIVE OF ACCRUED INTEREST) IS
STILL SITTING IN MY BANKS DORMANT ACCOUNT PORTFOLIO. ACCORDING TO NIGERIA
BANKING LAWS AND ACT OF 1993,THE MONEY WILL AUTOMATICALLY REVERT TO THE NIGERIA
GOVERNMENT TREASURY AFTER FIVE YEARS, ESPECIALL IF THE ACCOUNT OWNER IS A
FOREIGNER WHO HAS BEEN CERTIFIED DEAD AND THERE IS NO VALID CLAIM, THIS INDEED,
IS THE SITUATION.
I AM THUS LOOKING FOR A FOREIGNER WHO WILL STAND-IN AS THE NEXT OF KIN
TO MR. ABDULLAH.IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO BE A BLOOD RELATION TO MR.ABDULLAH,
EITHER IS IT NECESSARY TO BEAR THE SAME SURNAME WITH HIM.

IT IS EVEN NOT IMPORTANT FOR THE STAND-IN NEXT OF KIN TO BE AN IRAQ
NATIONAL. READY, I HAVE WORKED OUT MODALITIES FOR ACHIEVING MY AIM OF
APPOINTING A NEXT OF KIN AS WELL AS TRANSFER THE MONEY ABROAD FOR US TO
SHARE. IT IS MY INTENTION TO ACHIEVE THIS TRANSFER IN A LEGITIMATE WAY BY
SIMPLY USING AND ATTORNEY(REPRESENTING YOU AS BENEFICIARY) TO EXECUTE A SERIES
OF AFFIDAVITS IN SUPPORT OF YOUR CLAIM THIS WILL BE APPROVED.
THE MONEY TRANSFER PAPER WORK ITSELF WILL INCLUDE A CERTIFICATE OF
ORIGIN SO THAT THE RECEIVING BANK DOES NOT ASK QUESTION OR WORSE STILL
REFUSE THE FUND ACCEPTANCE ON GROUND OF LAUNDERING. ALSO, THE PAPER WORK
WILL INCLUDE PROPER CERTIFICATION THAT THE FUND BEING TRANSFERRED IS FROM
NON-CRIMINAL SOURCES.
IN SHORT THIS WILL BE A PROPER AND LEGAL MONEY TRANSFER WITH APPARENTLY
NO RISK INVOLVED! THE ATTORNEY WILL HAVE TO PROCESS THE INITIAL PAPER WORK TO OBTAIN APPROVAL FROM THE PROBATE REGISTRY OF THE MINISTRY OF
JUSTICE FOR THE LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION EMPOWERING YOU AS THE SOLE
TRUSTEE/EXECUTOR TO THE ESTATE OF MR. ABDULLAH.

IF YOU THEREFORE AGREE TO BE THE OFFICIAL BENEFICIARY,THEN PLEASE NOTE
THAT YOU WILL NOT BE REQUIRED TO SIGN ANY MONEY RANSFER DOCUMENTS, AS THE
APPOINTED ATTORNEY WILL DO ALL THAT. ALSO, YOU WILL NOT BE REQUIRED TO VISIT
NIGERIA.
I WILL ALSO NEED THE ABOVE INFORMATION ONCE I HAVE THE REQUIRED
INFORMATION AS ABOVE, I WILL INITIATE THE PROCESSING OF THE TRANSFER,
AND IN ABOUT TEN (10)WORKING DAYS, THE FUND WILL BE IN YOUR NOMINATED
BANK ACCOUNT FOR US TO SHARE IN THE RATIO OF: 65%FOR ME 30% FOR YOU WHILE 5%
HAS BEEN SET ASIDE FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES.
THE TRANSACTION IS GUARANTEED TO SUCCEED WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS. AS SOON
AS I HEAR FROM YOU, I SHALL PROVIDE YOU WITH FURTHER CLARIFICATION THAT
YOU MAY NEED. I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR URGENT REPLY. BEST WISHES, MR. RICHARD
WILLIAMS NOTE:IN THE EVENT YOU ARE NOT WILLINGLY TO ASSIST, KINDLY NOTIFY ME TO
PREVENT ME FROM MAKING FURTHER CONTACT.
If you are interested to do this business with me, please this is the
text of the application just to be typed on your letter headed paper
and email or fax to this department immediately with our company contact
information.

............................................................................................................ Date (current) Foreign Operation Dept. - AUDITOR-GENERAL CONTINENTAL
TRUST BANK LIMITED, ENUGU MAIN BRANCH.ATTN: THE DIRECTOR GENERAL.
APPLICATION FOR THE RE-TRANSFER OF U.S $20 MILLION DOLLARS THAT BELONGS
TO MR. YOUSEFF ABDULLAH DEPOSITED INTO YOUR BANK. Sir. this is to draw
your attention on this issue. With your good position in your office,
Sir, I request you to immediately consider my Application for the transfer
of U.S $20 million dollars been deposited by Mr. MR. YOUSEFF ABDULLAH who died in an AUTO MOBILE CCIDENT. I am standing in
his stead to claim his money here in my country, legally and officially,
as next of kin to him. You should please transfer to my Bank Account.Thanks for your co-operation

Yours faithfully,
Write your name and sign)
.....................................................
Immediately you indicate your interest in this business, please type
this Application and fax it to me. As soon as the director general of
that department receive this Application from me, within seven (7) days
you will receive this money in your country through Telegraphic transfer
(T.T) and immediately, we will travel to your country to collect our own
share.
Thanks for
your understanding.
Looking forward to your response.
Best regard,
MR. RICHARD WILLIAMS,

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

Obviously I've reached a new level of spam reception - maybe I'm on some tracking list now and they're trying to entrap?

-------------------------------------------------

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-------------------------------------------------

Welcome to linkremoved
Here you can buy stolen passports, counterfeit dollars and all other things you are in want of. If you need, we would provide you with the info about the bank account of a person who you are interested in. Also there are credit cards dumps of US and Europe residents. Your faithfully,panther aka Graph.

[stonemonkts]

At this point it seems Spammers just enjoy tricking your blockers, the e mails aren't even geared towards receiving any solicitation. The fuckers.

Anyway, I thought this one was amusing:

Hello,

George Bush advocates buying pharmeceuticals online.
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[Pete C]

Batch No: WD18/0065/04RN
Our Ref: UKNL/255457004/04
Our Ref: UK-NL/0627/04

Dear our treasured lucky winner,

RE: BONUS LOTTERY PROMOTION PRIZE AWARDS WINNING NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to notify you of the release today as dated of the "UK's
National Lottery International
Promotions programme held on the 21st,of October,2004.Participants were
selected through a computer
ballot system drawn from 50,000 names and email addresses from Europe,
America, Asia, Australia, New
Zealand, Middle-East, Africa, and North & South America as part of our
international promotions
programme conducted annually to encourage
prospective overseas entries.

We hope with part of your prize awards, you will take part in our
subsequent lottery jackpots. The result
of our computer draw 844 of this day selected your names and email
address attached to Ticket Number
034-22478556 with serial number 129 drew the lucky number
16-25-27-32-35-43-42 which consequently
won the lottery grand prize awards in the 2nd category.

Therefore, you have been approved a lottory jackpot lump sum prize
awards winning of £2,500,000.00
(Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand British Pounds Sterling Only) in
cash prize credited to file Ref. No:
UKNL/255457004/04. This is from the total prize of £125,000,000. 00
(One Hundred and Twenty Five
Million, British Pounds Sterlings) shared among the Fifty (50) lucky
winners in this category as part of our
promotional programme for this year 2004. This is your opportunity!Your
prize awards has been insured in
your names and ready for claim.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this
award strictly from public
notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to
your account. This is part of our
security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by
participants of this program.

We hope with a part of your prize, you will participate in our end of
year (2004) high stakes £2.6
billion International Lottery.To process your claim, please contact our
foreign payment center claim agent
immediately;

MR.ANTHONY DOGLAS
COASTAL FINANCIAL SERVICES LTD
EMAIL:

For due processing and mailing out of your prize check you.Remember,
you must contact our foreign
payment center agent not later than two weeks from today. After this
date, all funds will be returned as
unclaimed.

Congratulations once again from all our staff and thank you for being
part of our promotions program.

Sincerely,

MARY BRIGGS
THE GENERAL MANAGER,
INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY DEPARTMENT

N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will
result to disqualification. Please do not
reply to this mail. Contact your claims agent.

[claude]

This was in the subject line:

Office XP - $60 regrettably protestant

I guess they would have preferred the Catholic version of office XP? That's the one that cries and tells you how you have dissappointed them if you misspell a word.

[mjb]

They are all stupid of course but this one seems somehow elevated ...

From: Ty [mailto:Kelly@kittymail.com]
Sent: November 2, 2004 10:53
To: mburn@l****n.com (mburn@l****n.com)
Subject: Dear future millionaires 3



! someone invite you !


+++ You will not believe this, you can make hundred thousand in 30 days cash +++

++++ The secret to get millionnaire ++++

(http://65.175.247.61/Jennie-Stout)

! GOOD LUCK !

[Cem]

Good timing! Grace from Christian Dating writes:
Hey!
Long time no talk! I just had to email you and let you know
about how I found my future Christian husband. Yeah, you heard me
right, I'm engaged finally! I couldn't believe it myself either.
What happened was that Esther told me to go to this Christian
website, and lo and behold, they matched me with Michael. It turned
out to be the greatest thing to happen to me. I will pray that
the same happens to you too!

Hope to talk to you soon,
-Grace

[Cem]

<TABLE class=TH><TBODY><TR><TD noWrap>From : </TD><TD>Christian Homeowners</TD></TR><TR><TD noWrap>Sent : </TD><TD>November 22, 2004 4:00:23 AM</TD></TR><TR><TD noWrap>To : </TD><TD>dewed</TD></TR><TR><TD noWrap>Subject : </TD><TD>Refinance with Christian lenders</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>Hey there!

How's it going? I thought I didn't write down your address the
last time we talked, but it turns out that I did. Anyway,
Thanksgiving is almost here. What are your plans?
I think I'm going to go shopping all weekend. Seriously.
I just got extra cushion in the mail from refinancing my home.
Can you believe it? But don't worry, I've got you covered.
You can do it too. Just go here: They are the best Christian
lenders in my opinion.

Jesus fucking Christ!!!

[stonemonkts]

I've just received a spam mail with this charming title:

Unnecessary for you to envy a slimly built girl aerospace

...and the message consisted of this wonderful prose piece:

napijao idi sz03 ygg 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.

[mjb]

That is a good'n stone - but how about this:

From: Reggie Mowcsh
Sent: December 6, 2004 08:26
To: Teddy Vtcogibp
Subject: Economise 55 percents and much more with our recipes


We assists people economise on over-priced recipes
medicaments at worths which are as more as 95 percents less than retail
chemist's equivalents.
Control worths

[Pete C]

I got an email with this subject line:

Which flatten woodbine so programer antler

and the following text:

Afterwards we plundered through the snow and ice to hang out with some of


and an old VHS deck in the kids' playroom. One day, she brought technology has tried to sell to the public. Everything has been
by letter which would have gone by carriage or boat. With the market leaders are poky Singaporean outfits like Creative Labs --
recent movie age then it will be hard to decipher between fantasy technology on society and culture will never be know, but we can
benefiting increasingly from computerized information retrieval couldn't believe Brian had actually lived in this area for any period of time,
of the artwork. This is due to the fact that the computer artist authority, ignore it." To further that I like: "Don`t question
design, and a whole lot more. What is annoying is to see history speak about plans without being monitored by the aliens. Much of the apparent
even resting! When you are just starting out, you should try and take as many Transpondedr 23 on that satellite carries the eastern feed of HBO. "That's
qualify as life forms. The Chaos Theory is an assumption that naturally flows, and with which it is intimately associated.
if you've made mistakes in your cipher is to tell all the smart "I have found computers provide a pretty good workout for
the Shepherd came down and saw what was done, he said, "O you "....we are rapidly losing, have perhaps already lost, physical
to each other, "It is time for us to be off to Liliput: for this the month. Either someone at the Bundespost typed something wrong, or the
conclusions and theories. For biologists, computers can produce playing with music, reviewing CDs, and chatting with people via cyberspace,
MacDougall's voice rises as he exclaims, "I still can't believe this guy will contain a clue to the effects of the device, although it may be difficult
joined us there, and we also met up with Tourmaline and Finrod there, who R
have familiar names. I was told that this was normal, as the suburbs of Los
year's probation. "I'm glad to see that the legal system does work," he says.


In the middle was an ad for prescription-free viagra, etc.

[mjb]

From: Domingo Pereira [mailto:Ksgtjva@optonline.com]
Sent: October 20, 2005 14:34
To: mjb
Subject: FYI


Dear Home Owner, After executing the assessment we are joyous to put forward to you this espousal,

Your existant mortgage qualifies you for more than a 3.1 lower rate!

------------------------------------------------------------------
!! FINDING THE BEST RATES IN THE US IS OUR SPECIALITY !!
------------------------------------------------------------------


Millions of Your fellow neighbours have re-financed this month alone!

So why not you?

Go here to make that change.



If you prefer to be left out of this incredible offer go here.

[larrycohen]

There was an ad for something to help lose weight, followed by this:

cerulean see climax it's checkmate in freedom it's policemen and swank onboggle beammerman but interregnum ! phenol andportfolio seeinveigle see astronomy but bailiff try forgive on diacritic on eulogy it'strapezium but cluj not basil andshine maybrunt be beneficent it's bijection , delphi try amplify may colloquy tryproprietor tryeel a earthworm the bini it'sautobiography oranagram not afterward some ponderous see thereupon a buddy or newspaper maycorey some convoke be ejector someflagstone ,coppery it's plywood not assure it tinker ! poignant not twine itandesite afollicle it's damn a permit somecabana notfeature not sanhedrin the grisly ! cdc not concerto but carport bebawdy and blumenthal try ccny somepulsar somemontenegrin try sicken or dig the demise ! gosh on prosthetic andhorseback ,szilard it join ! chess it'spatagonia acovariant in newark not biography try demurred ! schroedinger not moroccan acamouflage try brittle try irish itlascar orsolidify try spiegel a incarcerate it's bosonic some reprisal see vivian butkaleidoscope somekansas may telefunken see eligible !synchrony butcherub it's sunfish try spyglass may darry on confute or bowen it'sieee try ecosystem ! artifice inawkward beholdout on bainite on cal and cuckoo or contributor may ingratiate trysonar seealpert , adoption or taxpaying tryboil andsynonymy but chesapeake it's exclaim may static see inconvertible the waspish thecheekbone see circumlocution on sisyphean theamphetamine or

It's so frustrating - or what? - now I'll never now how it ends!

[Enforcer]

adverb and cassock but a hesperus in see proclivity or some indivisible and ! cognition or may celanese or it coronet itsome wrigley try.
arctic , spectrogram and in cake on in peppy try in b on some gambia and but suture see some exploratory butbe intrepid it's.

[mjb]

From: Domingo Pereira [mailto:Ksgtjva@optonline.com]
Sent: October 20, 2005 14:34
To: mjb
Subject: FYI


Dear Home Owner, After executing the assessment we are joyous to put forward to you this espousal,

Your existant mortgage qualifies you for more than a 3.1 lower rate!

------------------------------------------------------------------
!! FINDING THE BEST RATES IN THE US IS OUR SPECIALITY !!
------------------------------------------------------------------


Millions of Your fellow neighbours have re-financed this month alone!

So why not you?

Go here to make that change.



If you prefer to be left out of this incredible offer go here. -----Original Message-----
From: Ernest Jimenez [mailto:Rqpbcec@optonline.com]
Sent: October 25, 2005 19:30
To: mburn@
Subject: Friendly notification


Dear Home Owner, After exhausting the appraisal we are keen to submit to you as follows,

Your present mortgage certifies you for more than a 3.1 deflated percentage!

------------------------------------------------------------------
!! FINDING THE BEST RATES IN THE US IS OUR SPECIALITY !!
------------------------------------------------------------------


Hundreds of thousands of residential owners have re-financed this month alone!

So why not you?

Go here to make that change.



If you prefer to be left out of this amazing offer go here.

[Brian Olewnick]

Responsible spam, courtesy McSweeney's:



***********************8

Dear Sir/Madam:

Due to unpleasant difficulties in my home country, we had to flee/escape the capital 21 May 2005 with extreme haste. Many souls were lost during the revolt, including my beloved father, vice minister of the National Oil Exportation Consortium. Fearing unstable conditions, he had secured monies in the amount of U.S. $24 Million (Twenty-Four Million) inside a secret bank account where the rebels were unable to achieve it.

Prior to his turbulent demise, my beloved father informed us this account number and gave complete instructions how to reclaim the funds contained therein. "Get the money yourselves," he said. "Trust no one." Then he kissed each of us firmly on the forehead before wishing goodbye. We evacuated the situation but he perished from the mob. While we are now financially at comfort, no amount of money—not even U.S. $24 Million (Twenty-Four Million)—could begin to comprehend the enormous hole left by his tragic expiration.

Life is short and unexpected trouble arise. Be kind to each other and make the best of it. With gratitude for all,
Hon. Ben Odaku III

[john williams]

Just got this beauty-


Dear Sir,

I know that my message will come to you as a surprise since I don’t
know you in person or met with you before, but Iam of the believe that you
would be obliged to come to my assistance after hearing about my
situation.
I was, until recently, a Medical student of the University of Abidjan,
Ivory Coast West Africa.

Late last year October 2004, the Rebels in my Country Struck our
township and killed my parents and my only sister in one of their attacks. My
late Father,Guei Kolonga being the former president of my country was
a prime Target. Fortunately for me, I was in school when the attack
took place.

Before his death he had a foreign account here in Côte d'Ivoire up to
the tune of $9.5m which he told the bank was for the importation of some
processing machine.
I want you to do me a favour to receive this funds to a safe account in
your country or any safer place as the beneficiary .

I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate and
industrial production. This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you
are willing
to assist me please indicate your interest. I have mapped out 75% for
myself and 20% for your cordial assistance and 5% for any expenses
which may be incurred in both locally and internationally.

Finally if you have any question as regards this transaction, please
contact me through this email kolongamaill@yahoo.fr (http://au.f902.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=kolongamaill@yahoo.fr&YY=96223&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b)
Note that the confidentiality of this transaction would be highly
appreciated in replying soonest.

Thanks and best regards.

Motali
Email: kolongamaill@yahoo.fr (http://au.f902.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=kolongamaill@yahoo.fr&YY=96223&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b)

[mjb]

Surely the FDA and Visa can't be wrong?

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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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[John P. Cooper]

This was very convincing!
--------------------------------

Dear user of eBay!

An error has occurred in your billing data. Please use your card for identification only as it is designed to be used. The card is not designed for charging. It is made for make your account data stored in safe place. When you need to open a seller account please use your valid debit or credit card, confirming your account data. When payment is made automatically credit card will be charged in 5-7 days after the invoice is got. The relevant information should be confirmed. Please do not forget that non-payers can recognize your account as an invalid one and you will have to include costs accepting.

Please confirm your data here

Don't miss this protective message. We apologize for any inconveniences connected with it but it is aimed to protect you and your account.

[Pete C]

I have no idea what this is supposed to be. It could have been written by Bruce Andrews (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Andrews), except that it's better.


ataglance starting messages local Cartoon dolls
miss. songs touched Benjamin. brotherly
glitter Siggies Cute Pictures Fonts Neopets Sparkle Stuff
Bnai Brith Andrew McNabs Perpetual Form Clock readings today.The beautiful Wide Festival
essence Clintons legacy taught brave explicit clearer. wont adhere restore duty. ways. succeed dogged rouse neighbors educate reclaim heritage. brutal tyranny firsthand taste bitter regret loss. fail path: fight gained framework governing people. cannot remedied quickfix whole God succeed. DMan Actually exists. Rossiter. Mentor paperback Library. bucks contents paragraph about. numbers Papers. Forest
ablative chemical peels been shown many areas Dieting special bikinis Jeans celebs EFFECTIVE Ageing sagging wrinkles spots neck shoulders Acne Scarring Hyper Melasma Asian lighter tone skins exciting viable acid suggested regime dependant upon spaced being lasting beyond. breakdown coverage
Positive RSSDreams
Hearts Innocent Cmg Average Customer CDHannah Adams Wauwatosa Reviewed Comments:
deaths revise hurricane badSee Lycos Gadgets GizmosSee Piracy: DoneSee: DoneBy reporter: DVDs Turns Thanks gaffe softwares licensees Norwegian none pesky playback Linux exist. utilities WinDVD Compaq XingDVD zip doers whiners. trying playback. But encrypted failed
verdict beer vendorMom roommate accused starving girlHeat blamed dozen deaths revise hurricane badSee Lycos Gadgets GizmosSee Piracy:
TTGL Move Midday Options Examines Telecom Equipment Makers Peter Posts List: NetAsset Value Upgraded Renamed Jukebox Returns Announces AOL Devices Vice Gaumond Present RBC
fleged required RIGHTS. think study lakey involved fringes weed
Trying Magnetic Benjamin Recommend Tide CDCBD .Say .Lets Forget Story .Folks Heart Caves
daily Profit Pros.
CONTENTS Wait More... Kicker DrivesCD DrivesInk dfb SPONSORED LINKSFree StoreSave shopping Phones iPOD Vcrs Digital
DOWN SCOFFLAWS ForumLast Abuse Republic materials herein protected Keywords: CONST AND FED
solutions needs. Searchbox Need IsoSpider queries winse.iso
DrivesInk dfb SPONSORED LINKSFree StoreSave shopping Phones iPOD Vcrs

Cycling .Nasdaq: yearEarn Bachelors Masters schools. today.K mortgage /mo. Quicken
cosmetic treatment ablative chemical peels been shown many areas Dieting special bikinis Jeans
publicly basedon toAlex much regarding thedates Church.A JulianISO Mayan
pageant Attacks Frayer defiant
security: featuring lasers News.blog filed Rocketry responses feed. trackback tags: February Boston MusicAuto Bay BobBoston PCBurnT Grows Wanted
EasterOf Days Before Rogation Ascension Wednesday Pentecost Trinity
Names
email. intranet instantly ensures receiver Albums Porn Cracks Serials XXXSelect Plugins Flash bottom pageView Warez Torrents
PCI Mezzanine Resource Serial Pentium
Pen... GB Monitor MacBook Intel Notebo... Rebates TenthOn FireEnter SLI HelpTell hate better. Survey
Saints Souls feaststo Calendar. currently listed. II. Further Majestys
SITE Site... Sites FITES Canadian
Holy Cross Mass Saints Souls feaststo Calendar. currently listed. II. Further Majestys QB.G. calendars relevant FAQby Claus Hebrewand Islamic Cambridge original sourceof Vol. Gordon Moyer adoption publicly basedon toAlex
prayer Kochergin three

[Brian Olewnick]

I'm pretty sure the One True Name of God is hidden in there somewhere.

[Jazzzoline]

Just got this beauty-


Dear Sir,

I know that my message will come to you as a surprise since I don’t
know you in person or met with you before, but Iam of the believe that you
would be obliged to come to my assistance after hearing about my
situation.
I was, until recently, a Medical student of the University of Abidjan,
Ivory Coast West Africa.

Late last year October 2004, the Rebels in my Country Struck our
township and killed my parents and my only sister in one of their attacks. My
late Father,Guei Kolonga being the former president of my country was
a prime Target. Fortunately for me, I was in school when the attack
took place.

Before his death he had a foreign account here in Côte d'Ivoire up to
the tune of $9.5m which he told the bank was for the importation of some
processing machine.
I want you to do me a favour to receive this funds to a safe account in
your country or any safer place as the beneficiary .

I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate and
industrial production. This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you
are willing
to assist me please indicate your interest. I have mapped out 75% for
myself and 20% for your cordial assistance and 5% for any expenses
which may be incurred in both locally and internationally.

Finally if you have any question as regards this transaction, please
contact me through this email kolongamaill@yahoo.fr (http://au.f902.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=kolongamaill@yahoo.fr&YY=96223&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b)
Note that the confidentiality of this transaction would be highly
appreciated in replying soonest.

Thanks and best regards.

Motali
Email: kolongamaill@yahoo.fr (http://au.f902.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=kolongamaill@yahoo.fr&YY=96223&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b)

Well, here once, a woman received such an email. She went to the bank and the clerk ( or whatever the title is) help her to send her bank account info as a reply to that kind of mail!
The woman has been ruined and had to refund 40,000$ of her own money (which she didnt have), that's what the bank asked her for.

[Brian Olewnick]

お住まいの近くの女性が入会いたしましたので、貴方からの返事を待っているそ
うです、貴方とのアド交換を希望していますが貴方のアドレスを女性に通知して
もよいですか?手続きは登録のみでokです【無料】。

【登録無料】

[Scott Dolan]

Koong!

[John P. Cooper]

Our replica store will suprise you, have a look

http://<gmrel>gmtrgu5860.005.foodlanguage.com

checklist ! slogging may dreamlike the bellicose but deadhead
try soap or plunk not mausoleum it's transfusable it
flammable try paulus some cowslip and accede see earl

-----------------

what a moron...not even a working link!

[graypencil]

hava another tab of acid.

[claude]

I keep getting these stupid stock tip spam emails with this sort of shit at the top:

September Mesa Arizona reviewsi friend is mine back Germany months ago is musicians great into.
Leaves am Eyes Vinland Saga Explore or similar items dvd Audio cd December.
Following helpful Unique cdauten Kansas City mo a usa my starts just piano is Sharon Adels.
Edge pleasing rough There am jewels there Climbing Twin a Mexico or city can consider?

I'm thinking, who is stupid enough to take stock tips from spam??

[Jimmy Cantiello]

I'm thinking, who is stupid enough to take stock tips from spam??
Uh, Claude, I'm a little short this month. Can you spot me a few bucks until I get back on my feet?............:o

[Ron Thorne]

I get tons of 'em. Check this out.
____________________________

Live creatures living yard houseadd a homesick Pretenders quotmy am was Gonequot their!
Karyn daughters ages chairs Amendment Committee Protect of Tashs or election fills seat vacated earlier Barnes turned duties retirement Pepsi truck flips interstate.
On a Delgado agomiami fiu Suspended Amid Probe or Nukes Spreading ago bounce Cardinals Theater Idealist Corrie intense flat says Brantley Show Satans Playground virtual am les Freres or Corbusiers production House Reviews.
Gxfinding Destroy Monsters in Meleeharry Potter or Chamber Prisoner Potter Quidditch Cupharvest Moon Wonderful of Lifethe Bond Agent or Firejames air Ridethe Legend Zelda Four Swords Wind Wakerlego Wars Gamethe is Lord Rings two Towersthe Kingluigis.
Heavenkobe Bryant is nba Ocarina Majoras Maskmario in Kart Mortal Kombat Magical Tetris Darkpokmon Snappokmon Stadium am Quake am Iiresident Rayman Escapestar Shadows Skatertony Turok Dinosaur?
Count huge all furnishing separately made usa Bench Cushion a artisan beautiful stunning match is Wooden Chest shares Lima am painting truly artistic lookpiece longthe nature sizing variations occur qualities vary.
Yousports Game Another Pitcher Tigers am Athletics Woeful Tables in Istanbul Rooted or Centuries in Hours Wine xbbin we in eat ode in Joygood Eating Koreatown Asian now Airat Hughes a Calamity Critics Proud is Retreat xbbescape Youhey Coach or do.
Gba Fileplanet Cheats dvd Cars Babes Registermy Alertsmy Wishlist or Weekend or Picks blogs picks Niki Isaac Tiger Interview of Burning am Crusade Handson Newsmiddot Faqsmiddot.
Upgrades Pricing Press Showcase Sheldon Lous of enter Forum issues or any subject Sheldons sayabout China in log forum existing say provide opinions.
Ivmore Bejeweled Luxor Amun Zuma in Cake Mania am Bookworm Kahuna Reef Wonders Ancient or Sudoku in Challenge Newsletter uk am respects set is Arcade Board Tile or licensors in Snowboards in fnof men is Lander Destroyer Roost Youngblood.

[clinthopson]

I haven't heard from that dude in Nigeria for quite a while.

I was hoping to find out where to send the cashier's check.

[Gary Sisco]

I can understand the purpose of scams but what is up with the gibberish spams?

[Chris D]

The gibberish gets them past some filters.

[Gary Sisco]

Past filters to what, though?

[Ron Thorne]

Past filters to what, though?


Your Inbox.

It's all in the numbers. Somewhere, at some time, some dumb shit will click on a link contained in one of those e-mails and divulge something of great value.

Here's one of the latest, most insidious new scams I've seen:


Dear Friend,

I am Captain Craig Wieslaw of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace –keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq. On the 10th day of August 2006, we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not too far from Karbala here in Iraq. After Immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving seven (7) injured.

In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their camp. Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $15M after I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted them. I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy.

I am in keen need of a “Reliable and Trustworthy� person like you who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for me up on till my assignment elapses in here in Iraq. I assure and promise to give you 20% of this fund, however feel free to negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this business..

Please assure me of your keeping this topmost secret to protect my job with the US Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission. You can contact me via this
email:capt_craig_online55@myway.com.

Sincere regards,

Capt.Craig Wieslaw.</pre>

[Gary Sisco]

That's really stupid. How dumb would you have to be?

[mjb]

Dear PayPal Member!

We inform you that your information is managed and viewed by our specialists of security department during all time of your activity on your personal account with PayPal. According to our verifications, there was a mistake in your personal data entered when card being registered as the payment method, and now your card can't be charged for your payments. Your identification data is stored in safe place. An information about account of seller can be found by means of using your credit or debit card with active validity and an account informaton should be verificated too. In case of automatic payments, credit or debit card is normally charged in 5-7 days after receiving of the invoice. Please also be kindly noted, that your necessary information must be confirmed as well.

[John P. Cooper]

Ya know, for 20 bucks they could probably get someone somewhere to translate their half-assed English into something quarter-assed.

[Pete C]

My guess it that PayPal message was written by a Russian.

[Lenny D.Guitarist]

WTF is this??? I received it today.


A hydrogen atom from the fundraiser, a microscope over a corporation, and a support group are what made America great! For example, a skinny parking lot indicates that a college-educated CEO greedily cooks cheese grits for a bottle of beer. A foreign mating ritual daydreams, or a defendant seeks some cocker spaniel. Sometimes the single-handledly highly paid globule wakes up, but some phony fundraiser always operates a small fruit stand with an Alaskan senator! A loyal bottle of beer competes with a graduated cylinder beyond a plaintiff. A salad dressing
A pickup truck
The orbiting inferiority complex avoids contact with a rattlesnake. When you see a grand piano living with a fire hydrant, it means that a vaporized mastadon daydreams. The senator gets stinking drunk, and the freight train meditates; however, an inexorably paternal parking lot buys an expensive gift for a sandwich. The frustrating bartender trades baseball cards with the carpet tack defined by a spider. Most people believe that a support group can be kind to a graduated cylinder, but they need to remember how slyly the abstraction living with a roller coaster gets stinking drunk.

[mjb]

TRICK OR TREAT!!
STOCK ALERT IS ON! TRADE DATE: TUEDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2006
Metropolis Technologies
Symbol: MTPT
Price: $.12
MONDAY'S VOL: 618,266
IS BIG MO BUILDING FOR THIS STOCK?!!
HALLOWEEN DAY TRADE?? THINK SO?
THEN GET IN EARLY!! - AT THE OPEN!!!!
NEWS: GO READ THE FULL STORIES!
- Metropolis Technologies Corp. Raises Revenue Expectations From Cornstock Concert 2007 by $300,000 to $2,300,000 Plus.
- Metropolis Technologies Corp. Summarizes $3,500,000 in Signed Contracts and Further Milestones Achievements for 2006.
______________

Information in this report may contain forward looking statements within the meaning of Section 27A of the Securities Act of 1933 and Section 21B of the SEC Act of 1934, statements that involve discussions of future events. Don't rely on them. Past performance isn't indicative of future results. We received six hundred thousand free trading shares in the past. We sold all those shares. We received eight hundred thousand now. We intend to sell all eight hundred thousand shares now, which could cause the stock to go down. The two tranches of shares were received from two different third parties, not officers, directors or affiliates. This company has: nominal cash, an accumulated deficit,a reliance on loans from related parties,the float of stock is increasing and it had no revenue in its most recent quarter. These factors raise doubt about its ability to continue as a going concern. A failure to finance could cause the company to stop operating. This is a high risk stock. This report shall not be construed as any kind of investment advice or solicitation.

[Lenny D.Guitarist]

WTF is this??? I received it today

A hydrogen atom from the fundraiser, a microscope over a corporation, and a support group are what made America great! For example, a skinny parking lot indicates that a college-educated CEO greedily cooks cheese grits for a bottle of beer. A foreign mating ritual daydreams, or a defendant seeks some cocker spaniel. Sometimes the single-handledly highly paid globule wakes up, but some phony fundraiser always operates a small fruit stand with an Alaskan senator! A loyal bottle of beer competes with a graduated cylinder beyond a plaintiff. A salad dressing
A pickup truck
The orbiting inferiority complex avoids contact with a rattlesnake. When you see a grand piano living with a fire hydrant, it means that a vaporized mastadon daydreams. The senator gets stinking drunk, and the freight train meditates; however, an inexorably paternal parking lot buys an expensive gift for a sandwich. The frustrating bartender trades baseball cards with the carpet tack defined by a spider. Most people believe that a support group can be kind to a graduated cylinder, but they need to remember how slyly the abstraction living with a roller coaster gets stinking drunk.

Half a year later and I still haven't figured out these mysterious messages. Can anyone help??

[mjb]

This may well be my latest favourite:

From: barrdudumusa10@tiscali.co.uk [mailto:barrdudumusa10@tiscali.co.uk]
Sent: April 24, 2007 23:35
Subject: CONTACT GLOBAL TRUST COMPANY

(BARRDUDU MUSA & COUNSELORS AT LAW)
06 BP 1409 AKPAKPA DODOMEY
COTONOU REPUBLIC OF BENIN.

Dear Friend,

I have been waiting for you since to come down here and pick your Bank Draft but did not heard from you since that time ,then I went and deposited the Draft with Global Security Company here in Benin Republic , because I travelled to Iraq to see my boss and will not come back till next month end. You have to contact the Global Trust Company to know when they will deliver your package .I have paid for the delivering charges and insurance fee.
The only money you have to send to them is there security keeping fee which is $85.00 Us Dollars to received your package.Don't be deceived by any body This is there Contact Address Contact Dr. JIM NKOH Director Global Trust Company Benin Republic.
E-mail;(global_trustcompanyoffice001@yahoo.fr) Phone number +229-
9386-
3077.
Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid increasing the security keeping fee.I gave them your delivering address but you have to reconfirm it to them again to avoid any mistake in the delivering.
Let me know as soon as you receive your Draft .
Thanks
Dr. JIM NKOH Director
Global Trust Company Benin Republic.

[Mike Schwartz]

Do not ignore mbe please,
I found your emabil somewhere andb now decided to write you.
I am coming to your place in few weeks and thought we
can meet each other. Let me know if you do not bmind.
I am a nice pretty girl. Don't reply bto this aemail.
Emaila me direacblty at ................................


How tempting is this? NOT

[Gentle Giant]

I've been getting a lot of the usual spam for penis enhancers and the like, but there's something about the latest series that's, I don't know, poetic in a way. Like spam haiku. Anyway, I've been collecting samples over the last few days and am proud to present what I call Penis Spam: Theme & Variations.


Blondes always hee-hawed at me and even boys did in the urban bathroom!
Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 7 months and now my prick is much bigger than civil.

Cuties always srieked at me and even gentlemans did in the free bathroom!
Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 5 months and now my member is hugely best than usual.

Girls always giggled at me and even youths did in the free WC!
Well, now I whoop at them, because I took Mega. Dik
for 3 months and now my tool is extremely bigger than world.

Girls always giggled at me and even boys did in the free toilet!
Well, now I sriek at them, because I took M eg ad ik
for 3 months and now my member is hugely preponderant than usual.

Princesses always srieked at me and even gars did in the not private WC!
Well, now I laugh at them, because I took M_E GA D IK
for 6 months and now my penis is greatly bigger than national.

Girls always hee-hawed at me and even gentlemans did in the federal john!
Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 7 months and now my putz is immensely longer than national.

Boytoys always smiled at me and even bucks did in the national WC!
Well, now I sriek at them, because I took M eg ad ik
for 3 months and now my prick is quite weightier than national.

Virgins always srieked at me and even gentlemans did in the municipal water closet!
Well, now I sriek at them, because I took M eg ad ik
for 7 months and now my penis is terribly longer than federal.

Cuties always whooped at me and even chaps did in the national water closet!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 5 months and now my phallus is indeed longer than world.

Womens always laughed at me and even men did in the federal comfort station!
Well, now I giggl at them, because I took M_E GA D IK
for 7 months and now my shaft is terribly longer than usual.

Womens always whizgiggled at me and even youths did in the national lavatory!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me - ga - Di k
for 3 months and now my member is very much longer than civil.

Dolls always whooped at me and even youths did in the municipal bathroom!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Mega. Dik
for 7 months and now my peter is extremely more than average.

Boytoys always laughed at me and even men did in the not private WC!
Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 4 months and now my putz is dreadfully largest than usual.

Girls always whizgiggled at me and even gars did in the free comfort station!
Well, now I whoop at them, because I took M_E GA D IK
for 3 months and now my prick is immensely preponderant than usual.

Chicks always whooped at me and even blokes did in the municipal john!
Well, now I sriek at them, because I took M_E GA D IK
for 6 months and now my dick is quite weightier than national.

Baronesses always giggled at me and even gars did in the federal john!
Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 7 months and now my phallus is extremely best than federal.

Females always whizgiggled at me and even boys did in the free comfort station!
Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 4 months and now my putz is badly more than civil.

[clinthopson]

Lately, I've been getting messages that someone I've never heard of is sending me a greeting card. I never open them, of course.

[Sandi22]

Half a year later and I still haven't figured out these mysterious messages. Can anyone help??

I used to get bizarre messages, like the one you've posted, all the time, however, they've quit coming in as much. The ones I received were trying to get me to invest in something or other; stocks I believe; seems that was it, but I quit opening them after the first few about a year ago. They always had a first name, like Carol, or Jake, without a subject. They were kind of fun to read as they were so out there.

They say if you take any number of surveys, they sell your name and here comes the trash mail, the spam.

What are they saying about the Nigerian scams? Aren't they saying that 50,000 people a year fall victim to their online scams? Mostly elderly, and then there's the online lottery wins. I would have won over a billion dollars right now, and I'm not exaggerating, if I'm to believe the email notifications I get in the mail almost every day. Sometimes three and four notifications telling me I'm a winner each and every day. Today the Shell lottery in London has sent me my final notification. Into the "Report Spam" folder it went.

[Sandi22]

Lately, I've been getting messages that someone I've never heard of is sending me a greeting card. I never open them, of course.


I get these in two different email accounts and I've not opened one of them. Wonder what they're selling, or which scam they're working? School friend, an old buddy, a relative, saying any number of people are sending me things. The odd thing is, a girl I know sent me an email card for real and I never could open it. So she had to just tell me what she wanted to tell me with a regular email.

[Ron Thorne]

Lately, I've been getting messages that someone I've never heard of is sending me a greeting card. I never open them, of course.

Good policy!

By the way, these e-mails are likely some of the latest ways in which low-life types are able to install a worm or virus in your computer when the e-mail is opened and/or acted upon. They're probably not a money scam, per se, but rather an insidious Trojan Horse or something similar.

Our ISP nabs several of these very phony greeting card messages each day with their Spam/Virus Protection software.

Beware!!

[GoodSpeak]

Exactly.

I never open anything from a sender who will not identify him/herself.

Phishing I think they call it.

[Pete C]

<tt><tt>I don't know for sure why I think this, but this sounds like the writer may be Russian.
Maybe it reminds me of the translator in Everything is Illuminated:

You Don't like your instrument size.

Girls joke at you.

It's time to solve this trouble.

Use our male device en:largement and Women will love you promptly.

I have tried! At present it is your turn to change your sexual life.


</tt></tt></pre>

[Gary Sisco]

Exactly.

I never open anything from a sender who will not identify him/herself.



That rules out a whole bunch of JCers.

[Brian Olewnick]

There's a new spam filter at work on my office machine. Every so often, I receive a mail from this program, informing me that a message has been quarantined as opposed to deleted because the program can't quite determine whether or not it's spam. I received one just now. The subject heading on this mail was:

Queen-sizeFuckstickLeona


Hmmm.....

[Pete C]

<tt><tt>girls want night with you

nodatinghere dot com

complete optoisolate repeatable
thermoperiodicity caching amyelic tweedier subcollateral
endoblastic insalivating contrate renew geniuses
pyrosphere transite kommos unsimultaneous
connubially disannuls macrobacterium
proctospasm fell unhackled searest</tt></tt></pre>

[Mike Schwartz]

Just today........Replica Christmas Watches

I wonder if the spamers union has unemployment benefits:p

[Bill Barton]

Here's the eloquent and poetic champion among the current batch in my Yahoo! account:

Subject: Enlarge your instrument length and become sex giant.

Your girl lived you alone because of she had sex with your friend.

Because of she has always dreamed about huge male organ.

Do not worry chap. Now you have amazing chance to Increase your male
machine size.

This is your chance to change your sexual life.

[shrugs]

http://www.bradrand.com/Pages/redneck_page.htm

[Ron Thorne]

shrugs (http://www.jazzcornertalk.com/speakeasy/member.php?u=402)<script type="text/javascript"> vbmenu_register("postmenu_714079", true); </script>
Registered User
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