E-mails from my relatives

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http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v...ature=youtu.be

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When you have an
'I Hate My Job day'

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]

Try this out:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase
a rectal thermometer made by
Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and
disconnect the phone so
you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable
clothing and sit in your favorite
chair. Open the package and
remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table
or a surface so that it will not
become chipped or broken


Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from
the box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small
print there is this statement:



"Every Rectal Thermometer
made by Johnson & Johnson
is personally tested and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat
out loud five times,' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER,
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!


if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart...
Maybe you should go and work
for Johnson and Johnson!




Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!
§

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[walto]

Can you imagine seeing one of those on the road. I'd pee myself.

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This just in from brother-in-law:

The wife left a note on the fridge.........
"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore; I've gone to stay at my Moms!"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was still cold.........
What the hell is she talking about?!!

[Mike Schwartz]

I've seen this....
At the end when the female repo gal is asked " You were supposed to be my back-up?" is the best line EVER!!

[Pete C]

They have electricity where you come from?

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They have electricity where you come from?

Some do. Others don't. Here is a fire alarm at a relative's house:

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Died of Natural Causes
Looks like Florida has a sheriff like Arizona has . . .

Polk County Florida Sheriff - "You kill a policeman it means no arrest...no Miranda rights...no negotiations...nothing but as many bullets as we can shoot into you...PERIOD."



POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF, GRADY JUDD


An illegal alien, in Polk County , Florida , who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop, ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A state-wide manhunt ensued.

The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area. As soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times.

Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to shoot the poor, undocumented immigrant 68 times.

Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: "Because that's all the ammunition we had."
Now, is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what!

The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural causes. When asked by a reporter how that could be, since there were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied: (BEST QUOTE ever) . . .."When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die."

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This just in from my brother-in-law:

Enjoy. The way things are going patriotically, our National Anthem may be banned in our lifetime. This band plays and sings with conviction.
I never thought I would forward our National Anthem being sung by a "hard-rock" group.

Lib talk-show hosts and comedians have recently criticized the National Anthem as being stupid, silly, too militaristic, and many more insults.



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