http://www.jazzcornertalk.com/speake...p?forumid=8217
Author Thread
walter horn
Rule 9. Always stay alert and online. Steve's next post might reveal the absolute best CD of the 1990s that nobody's heard (and just why that is).
Rule 55A. Remind DEEP of his molding body parts on every occasion.
Rule 55B. Be prepared at a moment's notice to come flying in to defend should said DEEP take one of his gratuitous, unwarranted, ill-considered, ignorant, and generally nonsensical potshots.
Rule 70. Don't try to write like Steve. You ain't got a tenth the soul, baby!
Reminder 6. Have you listened to Sanders today? Have you wished he was going to be appearing somewhere? Wake up!
03-18-2001 09:21 PM
Tom Storer
Walter, do I detect a gentle irony?
03-19-2001 04:55 AM
Squaredancecaller
Corollary 3 to Rule 17: If you are not now prepared to face life-altering, reality-defining, gut-wrenching peak experiences two or three times a week, go into training as a semi-demi-minion and work your way up to The Bigs.
CounterExample 2 to Code C: Never reveal the last names of Mats or Fred: a world that doesn't recognize these *GREATS* by one name doesn't deserve to hear two.
03-19-2001 05:51 AM
Brian Olewnick
Rule 44 (the Abbey Conjecture): Chastise listeners who live 7 states away for not attending an earth-shaking event, then don't make the 1/2 hour car trip yourself. ;-)
03-19-2001 08:23 AM
Waltzingdebby
I wasn't around for half the history going into these affectionate jibes, but they're pretty damned funny, anyway.
Consider publishing a guide for the uninitiated?
03-19-2001 08:27 AM
Dr Dave
Jesus, Walter, the guy is already so full of himself, don't do this! His ego will start running out his ears!
On the other hand, this does look like fun:
RULE 14: Never, ever refer to the *greatest* saxophonist ever to own a Chinese restaurant in Chicago by anything other than his first name.
03-19-2001 09:00 AM
steve(thelil)
Limit your coronations of the *GREATEST* alto player in history to 11 per calendar year.
03-19-2001 09:18 AM
Jimmy J
(9). Make sure your postings to the "What Have You Been Listening To (n) ?" thread are as obscure as possible. Fictional ones are even better.
03-19-2001 09:37 AM
Uli
10B.a)3. Make sure to use "league" in all your post.
10B.a)4. Use "vision", "territory" more often.
03-19-2001 09:57 AM
Pete C
10 makes it a minyan.
03-19-2001 10:04 AM
steve(thelil)
End message with some proto-metal admonition that seems even more bizarre if followed with "baby".
Follow with "baby."
03-19-2001 10:05 AM
mke
Appendix B, Rule 8
Somehow find time to develop new home entertainment cleaning products.
Nwabhu
03-19-2001 10:24 AM
Pete C
Start several threads a week with the title of the third cut on an obscure cd, never explain who the artist is, and say it may be the greatest (number of minutes) minutes of something or other ever recorded.
03-19-2001 10:27 AM
clint hopson
Rule 44j: Never accept that any who recorded before 1995 was as good as that obscure Albanian zither player who just gave you the biggest musical thrill of your life.
(until tomorrow), baby
03-19-2001 11:36 AM
Dr Dave
Not just any Albanian zither player! An Albanian zither player who jammed with the *great* Joe Maneri! And wore go-go boots!
03-19-2001 04:56 PM
Jimmy Cantiello
And above all, listen to some of the "greatest" and most breathtakingly original music while quaffing a...............................................................................................................................Budweiser?
03-19-2001 05:06 PM
chaz longue
Pete Cherches-
#10 ROTFL
OY!
03-19-2001 05:07 PM
Chris DuPre
And always carry with you a copy of "Starless and Bible Black" to remind you of your roots.
03-19-2001 05:16 PM
walter horn
Fergit it, Dave.
Steve, my man, I hope you know that I wouldn't have started this if I didn't think you were the *great* Preacher Reynolds!
03-19-2001 05:45 PM
Omar Zamora
Rule 29a - update your *greatest* musician for each instrument on a weekly basis. If Reynolds is in buying binge, this may need to be done twice a week. See Recommendation 15
Recommendation 15 - Keep a timetable, cross-referenced by instrument, on *greatest* musicians. Organize by "that ever lived", "post-Coltrane", and "in the last 10-20 years". Update this timetable weekly. See "appendix c: Timetable usage and Example".
Appendix C:
Usage: The timetable will be useful for trend analysis, and to predict, with an acceptable degree of certainty, the next *greatest*.
Example:
Tenor Sax Drums Bass
1999 q1 Ivo Perelman Andrew Cyrille Mark Dresser
2000 q1 Fred Anderson Hamid Drake John Lindberg
2001 q1 Evan Parker Mark Sanders Joelle Leandre
Result: With this data, one can make the following predictions
2002 q1 *greatest*
ts=John Butcher dms=Mark Sanders (holding) Bass=
/%50 Barry Guy. *(see note)
If you perform this analysis, it is quite possible to keep up with Reynoldsian *greatest* cycles, but remember these are not set in stone.
* note: it is expected that the next publication of the Minion Handbook will include Reynoldsware 1.0, which will assist in the timetable keeping, analysis, post-ending phrase development, automated "what are you listening to" lists, etc.
03-19-2001 05:58 PM
graypencil
I'm really getting off on this .... ( not going to try to compete with the ++EXTREME++wit shown so far )
and I thought this was going to be a discussion of the apocryphia .. or six quick ways to build a Golem in your basement using common garden products from Homebase ...
03-19-2001 06:36 PM
Dr Dave
Omar! ROTFL! Have mercy!
03-19-2001 09:04 PM
Waltzingdebby
Shouldn't Mr. Reynolds have his own forum at Jazz Corner?
03-19-2001 09:10 PM
WeSee
Waltzing, you must be confused, Jazz Corner IS Mr. Reynolds forum ;-).
03-19-2001 09:56 PM
stuckinagrooove
rule number 71a: Avoid using complete sentences, use lower case if necessary.
03-19-2001 10:15 PM
walter horn
Omar, you are *excellent* (for a sucky suck suck).
03-20-2001 07:21 AM
Dr Dave
I urge one and all to check out the resurrected "FRED" thread at Speak Out, which wonderfully confirms that Reynolds is beyond parody.
03-25-2001 02:59 PM
Omar Zamora
Up, because there seems to be some confusion amongst the rank and file about the rights, responsibilities, and privileges of minionship.
I believe Uli would like to put some amendments to a vote. This is highly unusual, as only minions are allowed to make proposals, but we will allow it.
02-25-2002 09:52 AM
Uli
New rule #1:
Don't list on the what are you listening to now thread anymore, just say "amm, baby!" every 20th or so post.
rule 2:
review discs like: I have not heard it yet, but neither have any of you ingnorants.
thanks for the generous opportunity, Omar.
02-25-2002 10:32 AM
graypencil
I'm up to the navel on my golem ...
using common yard mulch, dog poop , and parts of this re-upped column ..which is still funny ..
incontinent wildebeests, baby ...
02-25-2002 10:50 AM
steve(thelil)
Just this morning I took credit for never even acknowledging all this minion stuff. And then, this thread is dug up, which shows what an untrustworthy dumbass I am and also proves (among other things) that I have been totally insightful and hilarious on the subject.
Actually, my focus here was on Steve's "signatures" and what it would take if one wanted to be a protege and NOT on whether or not armies of minions actually exist.
02-25-2002 10:56 AM
Linear Mode
