Joke Of The Day [5/31/2003]

[Albert Diaz]

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Satan: Awwww...Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
You a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is
drink.

Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, Budweiser, wine coolers, and cocktails... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And don't worry
about getting a hangover, cause you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

Satan: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it!

Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and we smoke our brains out. If you get lung cancer, who cares, you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow... that's awesome!

Satan: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. And if you go bankrupt...who cares? you're already dead, remember?


Devil: What about Drugs?!?

Guy: Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean...

Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can
do all the drugs you want. And if you overdose...who cares? You're already dead, remember?

Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

Satan: You gay?

Guy: No...

Satan: ooooooooo!. You're gonna hate Fridays.

[willy]

President Bush and the Pope are on a boat out in a lake on a nice sunny day. As a gust of wind whips through the air the Pope's hat flies off and lands in the water about 20 feet from the boat. "Oh no!" the pope cries out. "Don't worry" Bush says and walks out on the water and retrieves his hat.

The next day on the front page of the NYT the headline reads "Bush Can't Swim".