What Would You Do???

[Albert Diaz]

Lunchtime came around and I went to the corner deli and ordered a pastrami on rye. When the clerk gave me the package it was hot and steamy, and I could see the spicy brown mustard starting to ooze seductively throughout the deli paper wrapping. I get back to my office, and unwrap this deli doozy, and the juices and the mustard had soaked through the crusty jewish rye; it brought a tear to my eye cause I knew I was going to destroy it.

I took the first large bite, and immediately I knew I messed up...forgot to get a beverage. So I ran downstairs, got an orange soda pop from the machine, ran back upstairs, and my beautiful sandwich was GONE!!!! In it's place was a five dollar bill and my boss was making sweet love to MY SANDWICH. I was flabbergasted, and totally pissed when she said with mustard dripping from her moustache, "I'll give you a dollar for that soda." I'm at a complete loss. Should I assault her? Should I show up at her house and raid her fridge? or maybe I should marry her mother? Help me!! I'm so damn hungry!!!

[tippy]

Oh man, Albert, I would give her the what for! For god sakes YES assault her! (You have to ask???) Now march in there and SEIZE THE SANDWICH.

You can always get another job but once your boss has gulleted your sandwich (a finite resource) that's it.

[Sergio Zamora]

Geez, that's kinda weird. Apparently, you work at a deli meat no-man's-land. Next time, put it in a drawer or something.


Your female boss has a mustache?

[Monte Smith]

Pardon me if I use the F word as an infix (not an interstice, thanks for the correction, Square Dance), but unfuckingbelievable!

I don't know what I would do to her (sabotage would definitely make the list: cruel, cruel sabotage) but I would immediately pitch a fit.

[jazzy mary]

I think that is TOTALLY weird that your boss would eat a sandwich that already had a big bite taken out of it. Yuck.

[bluenoter]

I'd capitalize "Jewish."

But as far as your boss goes, I would have let her know how you felt, in a straightforward manner--something like "Brunhilde, I'm starving! Now I have only 10 minutes to buy another sandwich and eat it. Please don't do that anymore!"

[al j]

You people are blind.


His boss obviously wants to fornicate.

[Salvador Dali Lama]

Man she would catch a serious chin check if it was me.

[SinginSumo]

My advice is to enjoy all of your future lunches out of your office.

(I'm betting that if that pastrami sandwich was all that delectable, it would have cost more than a finski.)

[patricia]

And I thought it was unforgiveable when a lunch-mate steals fries off my plate. I would be as speechless as you were!!!!
I'm kind of proud of you though that you didn't lose it completely and punch her on her mustache!!! I don't think Emily Post has anything to say that would help you.
I guess that going back to the deli, getting another sandwich and taking the extra time to eat the resulting sandwich, would have been out of the question. Some nerve!!!

[RainyDay]

How old is this person? I am speechless. I would honest to god start looking for another gig because I couldn't work with someone that unprofessional.

We peer at other folks food all the time around here when something smells really good (my boss always wants to know what I'm eating but he's completely cool about it).

This reminds me of a board member at another agency I worked at who went into the refrigerators on all the floors after hours and ate everyone's food. We decided he was a compulsive eater. Occasionally someone would catch him and he wouldn't even be embarrassed.

Perhaps you should buy another sandwich, just like that one, and leave it out for her.......






....five days after you bought it!

[Tanager]

I'm totally with RainyDay on this one - that is just unbelievably rude.

Your boss is a PIG (no, I'm not talking about appearances).

Hell, give me her email, I'll send her a flame-o-gram for you. Honestly, I'm flabbergasted. What an incredibly tacky thing to do.

[RainyDay]

Originally posted by Chris A
Perhaps you should buy another sandwich, just like that one, and leave it out for her.......

...in a bowl on the floor next to her desk.

[Rob C]

A girl I knew told me that there was a woman in her office who was a bulimic kleptomaniac. She wouldn't bring any food to work, but would steal other people's food out of the refrigerator; then she'd eat it; then she'd throw it up in the bathroom.

....What I'm saying is, I hope your boss at least did you the courtesy of digesting your sandwich.

[Monte Smith]

OK, I have been thinking about this situation and I think I have arrived at the only solution. Dude, you have to go out tomorrow and get yourself exactly the same sandwich. It's got to be just as enticing, just as rich with appetizing condiments and delicious Jewish deli goodness. Then do exactly what you did today; leave the sandwich out in the open where it can attract the sandwich thief. Go get yourself a soda. When you return to your desk, vengeance will be yours. Oh, she'll have dug into your sandwich alright, but that won't be mustard on her mustache because you'll have crapped on that fucker. It's the only way.

[HLJ]

Al my friend I would have told her that she shouldn't have eatin that sandwich because when I was adding salt and pepper I sneezed and there was a big ass bogger in there some where.Peace and all that.

[GoodSpeak]

Uh-huh.

So Albert...do you write fiction or is this just a shameless hobby of yours?



Never happened.

[Dr Dave]

Time to find a new job. Or move to Australia. This is what happens when people who are already feeling entitled get a tax cut; they feel even more entitled.

[Monte Smith]

Originally posted by Dr Dave
Time to find a new job. Or move to Australia. This is what happens when people who are already feeling entitled get a tax cut; they feel even more entitled.

The tax cuts! Why didn't I make that obvious connection?

[GoodSpeak]

Tax cuts, schmax cuts.



Never happened.

[Jimmy Cantiello]

What, no onions? Not worth stealing.....................

[lynn]

Worth stealing from The Onion..

Condoleezza Rice's Lunch Missing
WASHINGTON, DC—National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice announced Tuesday that she is "extremely distressed" that her lunch is missing from the White House break-room refrigerator. "I'm not going to ask twice: Who ate my turkey-and-avocado sandwich?" Rice asked Cabinet members. "My name was written right on it—'C. Rice' in thick, red magic marker, so don't tell me it was an accident." Rice vowed that she will make whoever ate the sandwich buy her a whole new lunch.

============

[RainyDay]

Crikey, I never thought I'd say this but I think Goody might be right.

[tippy]

Does it matter, though, whether it happened or not? It's an unfortunate scenario that one might do well to prepare for in advance.

I do have to hold Albert partly responsible for leaving a gem of a sandwich in such a vulnerable position. I hope he doesn't have kids.

[Albert Diaz]

Yes Goody-two-shoes, I write lots of fictional stories because I'm that bored. Care to help me out with my boredom? LOL No need for you to believe it, and I really don't care if you do. I simply wanted to know what some of you folks would do if this happened to you. Thanks to those of you that ACTUALLY replied with advice to the post.

peace and chicken grease,

AD

[RainyDay]

Sorry I doubted you AD. It's just such a disgusting story. Report her to HR and see what happens. Maybe she needs to be on medication.

[Uli]

Thanks for providing some fun, Albert. And for rehabilitating my other online personality.

[Albert Diaz]

No worries. I know a hater when I see one.

[shrugs]

I guess it's better than a coworker rubbing their member on the bread w/o you knowing.