O Holy Cow!

[Jon Abbey]

prompted by seeing a profile of Phil Rizzuto during the Yankee rain delay this afternoon, I'm starting this thread to post some "poems" from "O Holy Cow! The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto", which takes excerpts of Rizzuto's stream-of-consciousness commentary on Yankee games, and puts it into poem form.

[Jon Abbey]

F.Y.I.

A little high.
Two balls.
No strikes.

Riverview Medical Center
is down the Jersey shore.

Three balls.
No strikes.

-------------------------------

June 27, 1991, WPIX-TV

[Jon Abbey]

California

It is weird out there.
California is kind of a weird state.
Anyway...
I mean
You go out there in the middle of the summer
And it's freezing.

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June 9, 1992

[Jon Abbey]

Go Ahead, Seaver

You know,
Some kid wrote me a letter.
You and Murcer,
I know,
Every time Murcer says,
I make oh for four and two errors,
Some guy wrote,
Which I haven't gotten yet,
He wrote it to Yankee Stadium,
But by the way,
You're doing the play-by-play, Seaver.
So go ahead.
I was gonna tell you something,
But I forgot what it was.
Go ahead.

-----------------------------------------------

July 1, 1991

[Jon Abbey]

The Penguin

O THAT'S GONE!
HOLY COW!
WATCH THE--
Look at the Penguin!
It's not gone.

I was watching him run.
Wait a minute.
When he hit it
That was the funniest run I've ever seen.
Watch this.

------------------------------------------

May 21, 1987
Tommy John pitching to Ron Cey

[Jon Abbey]

Asylum

Got some chocolate chip cookies here.
Murcer.
So don't ask me any questions
For a batter or so.
All right?

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June 17,1992

[Jon Abbey]

Alienation

I think my head shrinks a little
In this outdoor stadium.

I am...

The mike is getting bigger.
And I have to tighten it.

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May 2, 1987

[Jon Abbey]

Forever Young

Bobby Thigpen out there.
Number thirty-seven.
That's the guy in the Peanuts cartoon.
Pigpen.
That's a joke.
That guy in Peanuts with Charlie Brown.
He's always dirty.
Oh yeah.
Every day.
Orphan Annie.
You know,
She hasn't aged in thirty-two years.

---------------------------------------------

May 12, 1987

[walto]

That's great stuff. Keep 'em coming.

I'd love to see a similar treatment of Stengel.

[Jon Abbey]

(one about Roger Clemens, as he prepares for another try at #300)

Rocket Love

Mmmmmmmmm.
That's a lotta man there.
Got under it.
High pop-up.

-------------------------------------------------------

May 28, 1991, Boston at New York, Clemens pitching to Mel Hall

[Jon Abbey]

(and another from the same game, possibly also Clemens-inspired)

Legs

The legs are so important.
In golf they're very,
People don't realize
How important legs are in golf,
Or in baseball,
And football, definitely.
Track.
O, in track.
All-important.
Jumping.
Soccer.
Is there anything, what?
Is there anything where the legs
Are not the most important?

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May 28, 1991

[Uli]

I am happy that you're no longer affraid of self-indulgency, Jon.

[Jon Abbey]

just paying tribute to someone who gave me a great many laughs when I was growing up, Uli...

Boxes

They have more fun with boxes
You know,
When during Christmas
Or any time
You go to buy the kids boxes.
That's what they play with.
You buy them beautiful toys.
They end up playing with the box.

-----------------------------------------------------------

July 27, 1991

[Uli]

Originally posted by Jon Abbey
just paying tribute to someone who gave me a great many laughs when I was growing up, Uli...

and I think that's *great*. Relaxation is a *good* thingy, imho.

[Dr Dave]

"Go Ahead, Seaver" is just beautiful. More!

[Jon Abbey]

Symmetry

I wanna tell ya.
They replayed that game.
I got a chance to see it.
On MSG last night.
Man.
I mean,
Every game,
As you mentioned,
In Milwaukee
Was an exciting ball game.
They won two ball games
We should've won.
And we won two ball games
They should've won.
UNBELIEVABLE!

----------------------------------------

May 26, 1992

[Jon Abbey]

Dickie Poem Number One

Dickie Thon the batter.
Now way way back when he first came
Into the big leagues,
I mention the fact that I used to play
With his grandfather.
Baseball.
Sandlot baseball.
He went away to the minor leagues.
And during the service time,
He was in Puerto Rico.
And he was a very
Astute young man.
Don't forget,
This was way back,
In the Second World War.
Grounder to short,
And Velarde just flips
To Stankiewicz for the force.
And that'll do it.
And I'll finish my story later.

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April 27, 1992, Texas at New York
Scott Sanderson pitching to Dickie Thon
4th inning

[al j]

The titles are fantastic. These are great, Jon. I'd never heard of Rizzuto.

[Jon Abbey]

Dickie Poem Number Two

Wait!
I never finished
This story about Dickie Thon!
I told you I played ball
With his grandfather.
And,
And he was so on the ball.
When he went to Puerto Rico
He realized they didn't
Have washing machines.
Things we had in the States.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....
The son of a gun!
Hit the grounder.
I'll have to finish the story
Next home stand.
Three up.
Three down.

-----------------------------------------------

April 27, 1992, Texas at New York
Lee Guetterman pitching to Dickie Thon
6th inning

[Jon Abbey]

(interlude: I highly recommend purchasing this book, available through Amazon, search on O Holy Cow! I also note that one of the two co-compilers, Hart Seely, has a similar book of Donald Rumsfeld excerpts that just came out, which I'd probably find a lot funnier if DR wasn't in the position he is.

Al: you may actually have heard Phil, he does the baseball play-by-play call in the midst of Meat Loaf's famous "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". besides being the main voice of the Yankees for decades, he was a superb shortstop for them, even winning a MVP one year, and one of the best bunters of all time.

some explanations for those less familiar with Yankee broadcasts: Tom Seaver and Bobby Murcer were two of Phil's cobroadcasters. they used to split the game up into 3 inning segments and rotate different announcers in, which is why Phil is leaving after the 6th inning in "Dickie Poem Number Two".)

[Jon Abbey]

1961 and 1991

Oh man,
You talk about having fun broadcasting games.
That year, I mean, there were home runs every day.
There was nothing but a lot of runs.
Makes it a lot easier.
All right!
Here's Lovullo.
Torey Lovullo.
I've been calling him "Tony."
And he pops it up.

--------------------------------------------------------

April 13, 1991

[Brian Olewnick]

Later in his career, I believe Rizzuto had it written into his contract that he could leave the stadium early (around the 7th inning) so as to beat the traffic back over the George Washington Bridge to Jersey. While his departures were obvious to anyone paying attention, the broadcast crew (I'm guessing) were told not to make a big deal of it, though they couldn't resist playful jabs from time to time and Rizzuto, the next day, would often make humorous remarks regarding the highlights he'd "seen" the day before...in his car.

He was a great character, very funny, very much the wisecracking 40's kind of "kid", even after what appeared to be touches of senility started drifting in. He was also notorious for eating tons of food while in the booth. Back in the early 80s, when Fran Healy was part of their radio crew, he'd often wait until Rizzuto had an enormous mouthful of something, then ask him a serious, detailed question.

[Jon Abbey]

From Slumber I Heard The Men At Work

I.

Friday,
When I was forced
To leave the game after six innings,
You know,
I almost came back in the 13th inning,
Moore.
I want you to know I was thinking
Of Murcer and Seaver there.

II.

I woke up,
And it was like,
Like a nightmare.
I said,
"Could the game still be going on?"
And sure enough.
I started to get dressed.
And then the 14th inning came.
If it had gone another inning,
I'd have been there.

-------------------------------------------------

August 30, 1992

[Steve Reynolds]

great stuff


I hate the Yanks - but I LOVE The Scooter


my favorite was always:

"Did you see that? White"

[Captain Hate]

Originally posted by Jon Abbey
he was a superb shortstop for them, even winning a MVP one year, and one of the best bunters of all time.

Not to rain on this parade too much (I'm sure the book is absolutely hilarious) but the Scooter is usually Exhibit A when it comes to the media inflating the accomplishments of various Yankees. I'm sure he was a good shortstop but superb seems to really push it. And I've read statements from others that the MVP was an absolute gift.

[Jon Abbey]

To Be Alone

Hey White
You know where your loyalties are?

Right here.
The old pinstripes.

No.

You never wore them.
So you have a right to sing the blues.

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May 12, 1987

[Jon Abbey]

Poem No. 61

Here comes Roger Maris.
They're standing up.
Waiting to see if Roger
Is going to hit
Number sixty-one.
Here's the windup.
The pitch to Roger.
Way outside.
Ball one.

The fans are starting to boo.
Low...
Ball two.
That one was in the dirt.
And the boos get louder.
Two balls, no strikes.
On Roger Maris...

Here's the windup.
Fastball
HIT DEEP TO RIGHT-
THIS COULD BE IT.
WAY BACK THERE.
HOLY COW.
HE DID IT.
SIXTY-ONE HOME RUNS.
They're fighting for the ball out there.

----------------------------------------------

October 1, 1961

[Jon Abbey]

The Locked Door

We mention Buck Showalter.
He and I,
For twenty minutes,
Were trying to find a way
To get into the ballpark.

He was lucky.
He went down the tunnel.
But I couldn't go down there.
They said I didn't have the right credentials.
And I couldn't get in the door
That we got in tonight.

-------------------------------------------------

June 20, 1992

[TheloniousFunk]

Haha I like "To Be Alone" the best. These are great.

[Jimmy Cantiello]

Anyone who doesn't like Phil Rizzuto is a fucking communist............