What band would Jesus have played in?

mke · June-10th-2003, 04:28 AM

From a NYT article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/06/10/ar...ic/10CHRI.html

"I walked around the G.M.A.'s," said Mr. Christian, of Anberlin, referring to the Gospel Music Association's annual Nashville convention, "and I thought, `I would wonder if Jesus would be in any of these bands.' Why would he be here? God said, `Why send a doctor to those who are well; I'm going to send a doctor to the sick.' I guarantee you he would have been opening up for the Sex Pistols back in the day."

Squaredancecalling Steve · June-10th-2003, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mke
God said, `Why send a doctor to those who are well; I'm going to send a doctor to the sick.'

Sounds like He'd be playing with KennyG.

June-10th-2003, 06:36 AM

If not Kenny G, then we might have to go all the way back to Guy Lombardo. ;-)

Tanager · June-10th-2003, 07:38 AM

Jesus would have been fronting the Bay City (Holy) Rollers.

mke · June-10th-2003, 07:45 AM

Re-reading the initial quote, is he saying that Sex Pistols fans are sick?

Philip · June-10th-2003, 07:47 AM

Frank Zappa's Mothers of Invention.

Uli · June-10th-2003, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mke
Re-reading the initial quote, is he saying that Sex Pistols fans are sick?

Yeah, he does. I think it has to be interpreted in a musical and not physical/psycological way.
Musically I don't think Sex Pistol fans are beyond needing some enlightment.

mke · June-10th-2003, 07:55 AM

Re-re-reading the initial quote, I find the image of the singer wandering around the GMA, suddenly pausing, dramatically looking around at all the bands present, wondering "Are they Jesus material?" totally hilarious.

Uli,

I think he meant sick in a religious, rather than musical, way.

Tanager · June-10th-2003, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mke
I think he meant sick in a religious, rather than musical, way.

Considering the context, I rather tend to agree. But who knows, really.

Gentle Giant · June-10th-2003, 08:02 AM

Godsmack
Lords of the New Church
Three God Night

Tanager · June-10th-2003, 08:04 AM

Well, maybe he'd have surprised us all and been with the Plasmatics.

Brian Olewnick · June-10th-2003, 08:43 AM

Irrelevent question. In his youth, he already played with Teenage Jesus and the Jerks.

Uli · June-10th-2003, 08:47 AM

Maybe a solo act as Jeezmarky

Pete C · June-10th-2003, 08:55 AM

Steve & Eydie & Jesus

Cem · June-10th-2003, 09:12 AM

walto · June-10th-2003, 09:24 AM

john williams · June-10th-2003, 09:32 AM

He's not yet playing in Creed but I wouldn't rule it out for the future.

"Creed" Becomes First Band To Be Backed By Jesus
by Josh Righter

"Often, rock bands will thank a higher spiritual power, such as God, for their success. But for mega-popular rock band Creed, their thanks is completely literal.

Christian deity Jesus Christ, also known as "the son of God" and "JC", announced yesterday that He is throwing His full support behind Creed, who consequently has the honour of being known as the first rock band in history to be backed by Jesus Christ.

The news comes at a time when Creed is at a high point in their career, having sold over 20 million albums worldwide with just three releases, and lead singer Scott Stapp said in a press conference this morning that he "couldn't be happier" about the support.

"Jesus really helped and inspired us in our songwriting and performing," Stapp said atop a mountain of hundred dollar bills and rare jewels, "and He continues to do so today."

Despite the backing of Jesus, Stapp maintains that Creed are not a Christian band.

"It's true that our music is spiritual," Stapp admitted, "but I'd hardly call us a Christian band. We're just not."

Stapp then muttered "Bullshit" under his breath and burst into loud guffaws.

In His own press conference held earlier, Jesus acknowledged that He has indeed played a role in the band's success, as Stapp said.

"I did lend a hand with some of the song subject matter," Jesus said. "And by 'some', I mean 'every single god damn song'."

When asked as to why He chose to support Creed over a group that was openly Christian, Jesus explained that his decision was based on popularity.

"I didn't really want to go ahead and completely back a full-fledged Christian band for one simple reason: outside of the hardcore church community, no one likes them," He said. "Let's face it: Christian music is all well and good -- maybe even flattering to Me personally -- but it's not exactly topping the charts, if you get my drift."

Jesus wanted to back a band that would reach a lot of listeners, He said.

"I aided Creed in writing songs that were about worshipping me, but I did so in a secretive, veiled way," He explained. "That way, their pop-ridden derivative songs would appeal to the mass majority, spreading My message."

Despite the backing of Jesus Christ himself, though, some hardcore Christians still denounce Creed's music.

"All rock and roll bands are the same," explained one Tennessee minister, "in that they are all inherently Satanic. Their primal beats and 'electric guitars' send a clear message to youngsters: shun your Lord and Saviour."

"Creed is a very popular band, and are therefore Satanic," commented a Louisiana church-goer. "Because every good Christian knows that once something attains a certain level of popularity amongst young people, it must be considered evil."

"Creed is evil not because of any religious issue, but because all of their songs sound exactly alike, and are all about the same thing," said one disc jockey from California. "From my point of view, there's nothing more evil than that.""

http://www.enduringvision.com/archiv...ed_becomes.htm

Pete C · June-10th-2003, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by walto

Hey Walt, I saw Jesus with his Flock before he started mixin' with Hindus.

Monte Smith · June-10th-2003, 10:28 AM

I thought Jesus was the lead singer for U2.

Jimmy Cantiello · June-10th-2003, 11:07 AM

walto · June-10th-2003, 01:17 PM

Pete, forgetting about the fiddler and his flock for a minute, doesn't that pic make you think that that Jan Hammer is one...

Wild and Crazy Guy!!

Chris D · June-10th-2003, 01:27 PM

He'd definitely playing in an indie act with ideals, someone like, say, Fugazi. Or maybe a little more tuneful act, like the New Pornographers. He'd definitely get a kick out of tweaking the Pharisees with that band name, and Mary Magdalene would be in on the joke.
He didn't cast the moneychangers out of the temple for nothing.

moneyp · June-10th-2003, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by walto

That's him on the right, isn't it?

moneyp · June-10th-2003, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Monte Smith
I thought Jesus was the lead singer for U2.

Bono thinks Jesus is the lead singer for U2.

walto · June-10th-2003, 02:00 PM

"That's him on the right, isn't it?"

No, that's Mr. Goodman (of Flock fame). Hammer's the

Wild and Crazy Guy!

Sergio Zamora · June-10th-2003, 02:04 PM

Christ to Join Satanic Metal Band.

Jesus Christ, religious object of worship for millions, shocked the religious icon community and his followers by announcing his decision to join the Death Metal band Deicide. He will replace their current bassist for the remainder of their European tour.

When asked about this unexpected decision, Christ, who is considered the Messiah by millions of followers around the world, said "It's such a delicious irony - I just had to do it." Mr. Christ, who will turn 2003 this year, has been involved in several musical projects throughout the last two millenia, usually involving religious choral music. The 20th century saw him expand his musical sphere by co-writing "Jesus is Just Alright with Me" with the Doobie Brothers.

Friends and colleagues are shocked. "I don't know what to think," said friend and fellow religious icon, Mohammed, "I was at his place the other day, and he was listening to Joan Osborne and Dave Matthews Band, and he was asking me if I had Nick Drake's 'Pink Moon'. This is really trippy."

"My dad is totally gonna get real pissed off about this" concluded Mr. Christ

Cem · June-10th-2003, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sergio Zamora

Friends and colleagues are shocked. "I don't know what to think," said friend and fellow religious icon, Mohammed, "I was at his place the other day, and he was listening to Joan Osborne and Dave Matthews Band, and he was asking me if I had Nick Drake's 'Pink Moon'. This is really trippy."

"My dad is totally gonna get real pissed off about this" concluded Mr. Christ

You had me going for a while, but now I know you're trying to pull a fast one, Serge.

Mohammed could't have been over at Jesus' place. They've been sharing the main floor of a house with Moses forever. Buddha lives on the top floor. Krishna's been living in the basement off and on...

Besides, Jesus and his dad have been estranged ever since his dad came across a copy of "Last Temptation of Christ".

Pete C · June-10th-2003, 05:38 PM

Walter, I'd give a couple of shekels for Cobham's thoughts.

Dr Dave · June-10th-2003, 05:42 PM

Nah, I think he meant Jesus was the one on the far right. With the hair.

Jan Hammer looks like the assistant manager of a disco in Paterson, New Jersey, circa 1975. In short, a wild and crazy guy. Except he doesn't appear to be wearing any gold chains.

Underhound · June-10th-2003, 07:16 PM

What band would Jesus Marion Joseph be in ?