Loss and Life

[HenryMc]

My best friend died last saturday. His funeral was yesterday. He was 49 years of age and I had known him 35 years,

Michael was a musician. Not one destined for fame and fortune or even notoriety. He was of that generation immediately prior to the 70's punk/new wave phenom which he never really embraced. He was more of an Beatles/Eagles/Elton/Bee Gees kind of guy. I first met Mick after he sought me out because a mutual friend said I had a copy of Bee Gees 1st. We became life long friends.

Mick was a lot of things to a lot of people. To his family he was a brother and a son, to his daughter, a father, and to all of those who knew him he was just a ‘top bloke‘. I was lucky to know him as a great mate. I had my first strong drink in his company when we were 15. When we discovered that the bar had no qualms about serving us (it was 21 year old drinking at the time) we returned time and time again.

Mick is one of those rare people who go through life trying not to harm anyone else. In all the time I knew him I don’t think I ever saw him deliberately hurt anyone. On the contrary, he was kind and would listen. Rarely did he burden anyone with his problems. He was stoic and remained honest to himself to the very end.

Mick lived his life on his own terms. He made choices and decisions that we, his friends, sometimes wondered about but I never heard him complain when things did not go right for him or go his way.

He was one of the most self deprecating blokes I’ve known but could also skewer anyone’s pretensions with a well timed joke or a comment. Mick had a great sense of fun and this was reflected in the way he approached his life and sometimes the issues that he faced.

This sounds like the portrait of a saint. He wasn’t that. He had his foibles and his weaknesses as we all do. He made light of his own whilst never highlighting anyone else’s. As he got older and his illnesses caught up with him Michael retreated from company. It is a mark of the man, that all of those who knew considered him a friend and mate whether he was physically in our company or not. He was in our hearts. Like many musos Mick struggled with alcohol and the battle with that took away most of his ambition. For him , there was no last act redemption. He was never a professional musician though he was asked to play in several prominent local bands but his illnesses and fears stymied him.

I will remember Mick all my life.

I will remember the young man who loved music and who played piano so well

I will remember many nights where any song requested was played for the sheer and simple pleasure of the playing.

I will remember the crappy songs we wrote together, songs that will now never be played again

I will remember the best friend a bloke could want.

I will remember him showing me the chords to so many songs so I could play along.

I will remember the crappy cars he had, including a 62 Zephyr wagon that would not go up hills.

I will remember long conversations about nothing in particular and short ones about important things.

I will remember the handsome young man who all the girls loved.

Why do I post this here? Well Mick was a guy that no one will build monuments for and he deserves more. This space in the net comprises many more amateur, pro and semi pro musos than many other and I know that many who didn't know him will give a knowing nod to his passing.

I will remember Michael Hughes to the end of my days and I will miss him.

[patricia]

My condolances, Henry.
I know that as we all approach our middle years and later, it's inevitable that our friends will begin to die.
When my first childhood friend died, it took a long time for me to accept it. It somehow didn't seem fair that someone who had so much to give could have their life snuffed out, while so many useless wastes of skin would go on to grow old, contributing nothing.
But, death, much like life, is a true mystery. Every day we are here is a surprise, because we can't assume we will be.
But, your friend was a true gift to you and to many, many others. Being a good person and a good friend is the first thing that we strive to be.
Clearly, Mick was that and much more to you.

[HenryMc]

Thanks Patricia

I just wanted to put his name out there. The guy was a musician and deserved to be talked or thougt about at least a little.

[Monte Smith]

Good eulogy, Henry. You have my sympathies on this private loss, the loss of a bud.

[Ron Thorne]

I'm very sorry to learn of your loss, Henry. Mick sounds like a very special bloke, indeed. We've each lost an irreplaceable friend within the past couple of months, so I understand some of what you're going through now.

My wife and I are headed to the Pacific Northwest on vacation tomorrow night, partly to pay tribute to our dearest friend, Alex. Losing lifelong friends is extraordinarily difficult, and something we're never prepared for.

My thoughts are with you, Michael's other friends and family.

[Scott Dolan]

Oh my.

Henry, that was a beautiful post.

We're no angels. Any of us.

And although I hate the saying, thanks for sharing.

My best wishes to you in your obvious time of grief. I have been very lucky to never have experienced such terrible loss yet.

I can only imagine the pain you must feel.

I'm very sorry, my friend.

[Enforcer]

Henry, I'm very sorry for your loss. That's a beautiful and moving tribute you've written to your friend. My deepest condolences.

[hornplayer]

What a beautiful tribute, Henry. My deepest sympathy to you. Losing a close friend is as devastating as losing a family member... sometimes even more so. I''ll keep you in my prayers...

[Jazzooo]

RIP, Michael McHughes.

[Gentle Giant]

Way too young, no doubt had much more to give to those he loved. may he kept alive and well in your memories.

[Root Doctor]

My condolences, Henry. As your lovely tribute indicates, the bonds of friendship are often stronger than those of family.

[jazzy mary]

My condolences, Henry.

[Chris D]

Carry his memory with you, Henry. We can tell you were a good friend to him.

[Dennis Gonzalez]

...a "knowing nod" for Mick Hughes.

Play on.

[Cem]

I'm sorry for your loss, Henry ...and agree with Root Dr. that the ties to the family you choose are often stronger than that of blood.

[cookie]

Condolences to you H. Beautiful remembrance.

[clinthopson]

My best wishes go out to you Henry.

Great friends are life's treasures.

[Gary Sisco]

I'm sorry to read about your loss, Henry. Having lost too many friends, I know the feeling all too well. You have my empathy but remembering your friends is one of life's bittersweet aspects. We keep them alive that way but live with their loss at the same time. I haven't "gotten over" the loss of any of mine, yet, and I hope I never do. It would mean that I'd forgotten them and how much I loved them and having them around.

For me, too, real friends (none of us get more than a few in a lifetime) are equally or more important than blood relations. Blood relations aren't chosen, nor do they choose us.

[patricia]

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

For me, too, real friends (none of us get more than a few in a lifetime) are equally or more important than blood relations. Blood relations aren't chosen, nor do they choose us.

Exactly, Gary. I too have a small handful of friends to whom I would trust my life. They chose me, for whatever reason and I place a value on that that is indescribable. Unlike family, they can walk away and for some reason don't.
Now, some of those friends have died and each death was like losing a part of myself. One in particular died years ago and far from getting over it, he assumed a permanent part in the mosaic that has become my life. I remember him often and am most grateful for what he contributed to who I am today.
I guess it makes me remember to be an honest friend to those who chose me to share a part of their life. I owe my friends that and Michael, though the pain of losing him never really will be gone will eventually become an example of what friendship is to you. That's the good part.

[Valerie]

my sincere condolences to you, henry. i wish, how i wish, that i didn't relate so strongly to your loss. i found out a few days ago that my beloved friend for the past 45 years was found dead in her manhattan apartment a week ago. we just spent a glorious five days together at the iaje conference in january. for that i am very grateful.

my best to you and your precious memories, henry.

valerie

[HenryMc]

Thank you to all who have commented on Michael and wished me well. I appeciate your good wishes and sincerely believe that the good thoughts will help him on his journey to wherever he is /has gone.