Shamelessly brag about your boner.

steve(thelil) · May-16th-2006, 02:25 PM

Mine has a tattoo of Allan Sherman discovering retsin.

claude · May-16th-2006, 02:33 PM

Mine has a curved soprano saxophone tatooed on it. Under "certain" conditions it will turn into a baritone.

Doc Martin · May-16th-2006, 02:34 PM

Mine would make you choke

steve(thelil) · May-16th-2006, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc Martin

Mine would make you choke

I know. I'm getting sentimental already.

rollhead · May-16th-2006, 04:00 PM

May-17th-2006, 07:36 AM

...brought to you by Neal & Bob.

clinthopson · May-17th-2006, 10:58 AM

The ads warn you that if the erection lasts more than six hours, you should call your doctor.

Pete Chrislieb commented that if that happened to him, he'd call a hooker!

May-17th-2006, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clinthopson

The ads warn you that if the erection lasts more than six hours, you should call your doctor.

....

I wonder if anybody's done that. You probably couldn't get a appointment with the doc immediately and have to go to the ER!! God.

steve(thelil) · May-19th-2006, 10:00 AM

Mine has a barcoded entry for a random drawing.

steve(thelil) · May-20th-2006, 10:30 AM

Mine glows in the dark.

May-20th-2006, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steve(thelil)

Mine glows in the dark.

What you been eating?

steve(thelil) · May-21st-2006, 11:24 AM

I've been eating retsin, but maybe the bastards haven't removed all of the chloryphyl.

steve(thelil) · May-21st-2006, 11:24 AM

Mine has a siren.

May-21st-2006, 11:45 AM

Mine's very religious. It seems to Rise from the dead on occasion.

steve(thelil) · May-22nd-2006, 09:06 AM

Mine comes in paper or plastic.

steve(thelil) · May-22nd-2006, 10:25 PM

Mine has become emblematic (at least to sensitive and insightful folks) of my lack of ever having anything nice, funny or interesting to say.

rollhead · May-24th-2006, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steve(thelil)

Mine has become emblematic (at least to sensitive and insightful folks) of my lack of ever having anything nice, funny or interesting to say.

I want to know what you did with your boner to make sensitive and insightful folks suggest that you never have anything nice, funny or interesting to say.

steve(thelil) · May-24th-2006, 10:24 AM

It wasn't my boner's fault. It's just that it becomes emblematic.

I think this is only boner thread I've started in awhile. And I've posted fewer words on it than a typical single longwinded post. And in the last few weeks most of my posts have been attempts at content and/or thoughtfulness. Nonetheless, people have the impression that all I post is boner shit.

Similarly, I can only think of 3 or 4 people that I have directed sharp comments at more than once, but I'm sure all 4 of them think of me as being constantly antagonistic.

It's the nature of the game and I totally understand. But then again, I'm a fucking saint.

PS. Mine is like taking a shower in Ireland.

rollhead · May-24th-2006, 12:45 PM

Mine requires more than one zip code.

Noj · May-24th-2006, 01:07 PM

It was so shiny it looked like it was painted.
The ho took one look, and damn near fainted.
I stuck it in the b*%$h and the b*%#h began to shout,
She said "oh Mr. Dolemite, take that motherf%$*@r out!"

steve(thelil) · May-25th-2006, 02:39 PM

There's a picture of mine in the dictionary next to the definition of "tower"

Cem · May-25th-2006, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steve(thelil)

There's a picture of mine in the dictionary next to the definition of "tower"

Doc Martin · May-25th-2006, 02:54 PM

My boner is so big; my mother was in labor for three extra days!

Noj · May-25th-2006, 02:59 PM

Hit it boys!

Notorious BIG "One More Chance"

When it comes to sex, I'm similar to the thriller in Manila
Honeys call me Bigga the condom filler
Whether it's stiff tongue or stiff dick
Biggie squeeze it to make shit fit, now check this shit
I got the pack of Rough Riders in the back of the Pathfinder
You know the ep along by James Todd Smith
I get swift with the lyrical gift
Hit you with the dick, make your kidneys shift
Here we go, here we go, but I'm not Domino
I got the funk flow to make your drawers drop slow
So recognize the dick size in these Karl Kani jeans
I'm in thirteens, know what I mean
I fuck around and hit you with the Hennessey dick
Mess around and go blind, don't get to see shit
The next batter, here to shatter your bladder, it doesn't matter
Skinny or fat or light-skinned or black, baby I drop
These boricua mommies screamin "Aiy papi!"
I love it when they call me Big Poppa
I only smoke blunts if they roll propa
Look, I gotcha caught up in the drunk flow
Fuck tae kwon do, I tote da fo'-fo'
For niggaz gettin mad cause they bitch chose me
A big black motherfucker with g ya see
All I do is separate the game from the truth
Big bang boots from the Bronx to Bolivia
Gettin Physical like Olivia Newt
Tricks suck my clique dick all day with no trivia
So gimme a hoe, a bankroll and a bag of weed
I'm guaranteed to fuck her till her nose bleed
Even if your new man's a certified mack
You'll get that H-town in ya, you'll want that old thing back

Oh Biggie gimme one more chance
I got that good dick girl, ya didn't know
(Repeat)

Is my mind playin tricks, like Scarface and Bushwick
Willie D, havin nightmares of girls killin me
She mad because what we had didn't last
I'm glad because her cousin let me hit the ass
Fuck the past let's dwell on the 500 SL, the E and J and ginger ale
The way my pockets swell to the rim with Benjamins
Another hon's in the crib, please send her in
I fuck nonstop, lick my lips alot, used to lick the clits alot
But lickin clits had to stop
Cause y'all don't know how to act when the tongue go down below
Peep the funk flow, really though
I got the cleanest meanest penis, ya never seen this stroke of genius
So take off your Tim boots and your bodysuit
I mean the spandex and hit my man next
Sex gettin rougher when it come to the nut buster
Pussy crusher, black nasty motherfucker
I don't chase em, I replace em
and if I'm caressin em, I'm undressin em
Fuck whatcha heard who's the best in New York
For fillin fantasies without that nigga Mr. Rourke?
Or Tattoo I got you wrapped around my dick
And when I'm done I got to split shit
Back shots is my position, I gotcha wishin for an intermission
Fuck the kissin, lickin down to your belly button, I ain't frontin
They don't call me B.I.G. for nuttin, all of a sudden

Oh Biggie gimme one more chance
I got that good dick girl you didn't know

steve(thelil) · May-25th-2006, 04:01 PM

My boner is racially neutral.

It comes in all colors.

steve(thelil) · May-28th-2006, 04:41 PM

Mine is doing a salute for fleet week.

steve(thelil) · May-30th-2006, 05:40 PM

Mine likes to have it's name pronounced like the pretty teen chick on the early years of the Cosby show.

(Lisa Bonet)

Gentle Giant · May-31st-2006, 11:19 AM

I cut mine off to prove my faithfulness to my wife.

Man severs penis to prove faithfulness
May 30, 2006

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia --A man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital, a news report said Tuesday.

The 41-year-old man, who was not identified, got into an argument last Friday with his wife, who found a text message on his mobile phone from another woman. The man was heard by his son shouting that he wanted to prove he was not having an affair, the New Straits Times reported.

The assertion was followed by loud screams and the man emerged from his room bleeding profusely, his 14-year-old son quoted as saying. His wife rushed him to hospital.

June-1st-2006, 07:53 AM

Talking 'bout cutting off your nose to spite your face.

rollhead · April-10th-2007, 05:15 PM

I use it to break boards in karate class.