What do you need?

Rob C · June-8th-2006, 03:44 PM

The craze that's sweeping the nation (of dorks) is to google "[your name] needs" and find amusing hits.

For example:

Rob needs a job.

Rob needs a hero.

Rob needs your support and donations.

Rob needs Net Clued Lawyer, urgently.

[H]andsome [R]ob needs a home.

Rob needs credit for steeping up and fighting the biggest guy on the show!

Rob needs physically restraining to keep him off Vikki.

Rob needs to have a party in his honor!

ROB NEEDS TO SHUT HIS GOB.

Rob... needs a haircut.

Rob needs help badly!

Rob needs a refresher as to the meaning of purjury.

Rob needs to move his legs and he prefers to do such with a lady dance partner in his arms.

Apparently Rob does not want or need the help he asked for repeatedly in letters I have and I have other things I need to do so that is fine with me.

Chris D · June-8th-2006, 03:49 PM

Chris needs your sex talk
christopher needs a LIFE
Chris needs no mic stand
once a year Chris needs to check that everything is going well
Christopher needs to cool down abit
Christopher needs supervision
Thinking is good and Chris needs to do some, fast
CHRIS NEEDS TO ACT LIKE HES MADE NOT A FAG.
Chris needs to give me cancer

Enforcer · June-8th-2006, 03:50 PM

Larry's needs are very special.

Larry needs a beating.

Larry needs a photo ID to get his passport.

Larry needs to make a budget.

Larry needs your help.

Larry needs a cuddle.

Larry needs a new air-conditioner.

Larry needs the netroots, but we need him too.

Larry needs to define his wish.

Larry needs to get more sleep before talkin' in front of the camera.

Larry needs to be taken care of, can you get him a female spider and only drop her off for quickies and then take her away?

Larry needs to find several women, do something they ask with a few ''and while you're at its,'' and get shunned only to be left with an item.

Larry needs your help today to defend himself against the Republican sleeze machine that is headed his way.

Larry needs a new roommate, but more than that he needs somebody to listen to his provocative theories about life and women.

Larry needs a spell checker.

Larry needs two main resources to complete his…ahem, quests. They are money and confidence, once he has them he’s ready to talk to some girls.

Larry needs to go to Detroit to be with his son for a while.

Larry needs to go back to JILL.

Dr Dave · June-8th-2006, 04:23 PM

Dave needs a timeout.
Dave needs The Snake.
Dave Needs More Vitamin "Love".
Dave needs plants!
Dave needs to practice.
Dave needs a little work.
Dave needs to know what kind of information on phosphorus should be included.
Dave needs to realize that money will not solve his problems.
Dave needs US Currency.
Dave needs another makeover.
Dave needs to straighten you bitches out.
Dave needs a Yugo.
Dave needs help breaking down numbers into hundreds, tens and units by putting the penguins on the correct place on the grid.
Dave needs one large hole drilled for the neck to attach to the rim.
Dave needs to laser everybody who's there.
Dave needs to get some 'head on a stick' action going on.
Dave needs to know what an inspiration he is to the comic book world.
Dave needs one of those shirts that says "I'm with Stupid."
Dave needs to control his lust AND stop picking up strangers.

steve(thelil) · June-8th-2006, 04:27 PM

Steve needs a blumpkin

rollhead · June-8th-2006, 05:04 PM

Jeff needs a very solid, experienced family who can provide him with structure and day-to-day consistency.

Jeff needs 13 innings to subdue Kokomo.

Jeff needs a new hat, possibly made of bacon.

Jeff only needs to be able to run Expression Engine, right?

Jeff needs no introduction.

Jeff needs a "life alert" button to wear around his neck for his little mishaps.

For All Your Jeff Bashing Needs

Brian Olewnick · June-8th-2006, 05:31 PM

Brian needs food, badly

Brian needs to communicate more effectively and stop being negative

Brian needs to get a life

Brian needs to get his sermon done

Brian needs assistance It’s about time someone realized this

Brian needs a fix

Brian needs prayers to help him rid himself of anger issues

Brian needs to explain why he believes God intervened

Brian needs to do a Gospel CD

Brian needs more women

Brian needs your unconditional healing love

Scott Dolan · June-8th-2006, 05:35 PM

(Ollie) needs a boot in the ass. Which I intend to provide him with in a matter of days.

Squaredancecalling Steve · June-8th-2006, 05:36 PM

Steve needs a doctor.
Steve needs to find a squirrel hitman.
Steve needs a new v8-pack function.
Steve needs Enigmo too!
Steve needs some friends.
Steve needs a car.
Steve needs help.
Steve needs some Roagaine.
Steve needs cannabis to live.
Steve needs to get over himself.
Steve needs to take a break.
Steve needs to find something to sell on QVC.
Steve needs to go out and speak clearly about his plans for the state.
Steve needs to be shot or just go with his lack of presence.
Everyone needs a Steve

Brian Olewnick · June-8th-2006, 05:51 PM

Ollie needs to write to Amsterdam to get access to pornography

Ollie Needs a Good Puck

Ollie needs to make a wisecrack

Douglas · June-8th-2006, 05:55 PM

Douglas Needs Bicep Surgery
Douglas needs to shut the fuck up
Douglas needs all of the accoutrements
Douglas needs a lover who'll stay deadly still
Douglas needs to make another sex-thriller soon
Douglas needs to go take his Viagara!
Douglas needs room to put a skew quad at the ends of the cryomodule.

Jimmy Cantiello · June-8th-2006, 06:13 PM

Jimmy needs to get laid.

So what else is new?................................

GoodSpeak · June-8th-2006, 10:44 PM

Tim needs to lose some weight.
Tim needs a good cigar.
Tim needs to listen to some Jazz and mellow out.
Tim needs his wife to slow him down.
Tim needs a little understanding.
Tim needs the media to stop reporting the news ahead of the truth.
Tim needs a break from school.
Tim needs a spellcheck chip implanted in his head.

Most of all....

Tim needs a hug.

Rob C · June-8th-2006, 10:55 PM

Tim needs to google "Tim needs".

patricia · June-8th-2006, 10:57 PM

Patricia needs courage.
Patricia needs a heart.
Patricia needs a brain.
OOPS, never mind. That was a different list.

Patricia needs another hundred years or so to finish her "to do" list.

Cem · June-8th-2006, 11:18 PM

CEM Needs Program Manager

CEM needs to be managed cross chanel, but the chanels are not company wide and are limited in number and scope.

CEM needs to assume the position of a global player.

CEM needs to deliver both ends of the stick.

CEM doesn’t need to match...

CEM needs to play an active and central role in better explaining the connection between human livelihoods and ecosystem goods and services with practical examples.

Cem needs to attract the swing voters of the centre and the centre-right - so after the first commitment to social democracy, some tweaks have been made to the message.

CEM needs to be driven from the executive level to individual contributors.

CEM needs your donation to keep our action website up to date.

bostontricky · June-8th-2006, 11:29 PM

tricky, needs a much longer curing and drying time
Tricky. Needs cool but not freezing weather
tricky needs to be kicked in the balls for putting this out.
Tricky needs proof
Tricky needs to supplement his income
tricky needs explaining
tricky, needs better examples
tricky, needs a lot of experience
tricky needs to obtain the best from the Anniversary during this listening test
Tricky - needs more consideration
tricky. Needs more thought
Tricky needs these to use his skills
Tricky needs some new mates
tricky, needs advise on other capture techniques for impala
Tricky needs to experiment with more live instruments and different sounds
tricky needs to be a FTP upload
tricky (needs authentication);
tricky, needs a long breath
tricky (needs a firm press to activate)
Tricky, needs to go home.
Tricky - needs a lot of care

bostontricky · June-8th-2006, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob C

Tim needs to google "Tim needs".

Goody needs two weeks of absolute relaxation
goody needs to get tangled up
Goody Needs You
Goody needs to GROW UP
Goody needs several tools
Goody needs to send her a lifetime of combs and brushes
goody needs a quickie!!
Goody needs a slap
Goody needs you to come in and perform.
Goody needs a flexible, efficient distribution system to maintain its competitive edge
Goody Needs Managment
GOODY NEEDS TA GET A LIFE!!!
goody needs a good paddling
goody, needs a new paint job
goody-needs looking into

Goody Needs You

Someone do "Dolan needs"...double dare, don't bust a gut

GoodSpeak · June-8th-2006, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bostontricky

Goody needs two weeks of absolute relaxation
goody needs to get tangled up
Goody Needs You
Goody needs to GROW UP
Goody needs several tools
Goody needs to send her a lifetime of combs and brushes
goody needs a quickie!!
Goody needs a slap
Goody needs you to come in and perform.
Goody needs a flexible, efficient distribution system to maintain its competitive edge
Goody Needs Managment
GOODY NEEDS TA GET A LIFE!!!
goody needs a good paddling
goody, needs a new paint job
goody-needs looking into

Goody Needs You

Aw...gee wiz, BoTrick.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bostontricky

Someone do "Dolan needs"...double dare, don't bust a gut

You first.

john williams · June-8th-2006, 11:51 PM

John needs your bone marrow
John needs a lesson
John needs to get his patootie back here (?)
John needs a cooler name
John needs to embrace family values
John needs a rest after throat surgery
John needs advice
'John' Needs Operation After Hoooker Bites Penis For Non-Payment (Yeowch!)

Cem · June-8th-2006, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBW

John needs a cooler name

How about Nhoj? Could there be some copyright infringement issues there, do you think?

Ron Thorne · June-9th-2006, 12:58 AM

Ron needs a girl who can see his shiny qualities and forgive him the flaws

RON NEEDS A DAMN HAIR CUT HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Ron needs to PM Land Shark or Guv World

Ron needs to move

Ron [needs.a.skaterboard]

Ron needs to prove himself to himself

Ron needs prayer right now

Ron needs to be represented

Ron needs to die for Harry to defeat Voldemort.

Ron needs to let people know that he is a man of wealth and taste.

Steve Reynolds · June-9th-2006, 07:33 AM

Steve has everything he needs

Steve wants a job

Steve wants many things that are bad for him

Steve wants a car

Steve still has everything he needs

Borat Pri Hagafen · June-9th-2006, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bostontricky

Someone do "Dolan needs"...double dare, don't bust a gut

I aim to please.

Dolan needs to wake up one morning and get himself a metaphoric gun.
Dolan needs to bring Thomas out there with him.
Dolan needs to find another outlet for his venom.
Dolan needs to find an estimated $1 billion to $1.5 billion
Dolan needs to back off!
Dolan needs to die!
Dolan needs to get a clue
Dolan needs to boost drug development
Dolan needs to find a hot restaurant or nightclub
(the last thing) Dolan needs in his life is an attractive, petite blonde.

Amazingly, these are actual google results, and not just me projecting.

rollhead · June-9th-2006, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steve(thelil)

Steve needs a blumpkin

Steve needs to google "boner needs"

Gary Sisco · June-9th-2006, 11:34 AM

I could use a couple of weeks off -- in NYC or Montreal or both -- as I haven't had anything like a vacation in more than two years and work nearly every day.

But other than that, I'm with StevieRey. I don't really need anything and I know the good fortune involved in being able to say so.

claude · June-9th-2006, 11:44 AM

Claude needs a nice sack of cocaine

Claude needs a middle name

Claude needs a family with structure, a sense of humor, ability to give lots of ...

Claude needs to make a PSD template for the logo or something

Claude needs just 18 more kills to reach the 1000 mark for her collegiate career

Claude needs a miracle

Claude needs to get Floyd to grow a goatee

claude needs to show up

Friends are what Claude needs

Claude needs a vacation home in the Carribean for his Alien-Sex-Toy-Manufacturing-Buddies

Claude needs 25% of the (r) county convention votes to make the primary ballot

claude needs to remain mysterious and mute

Claude needs to not boink another man

Claude needs a hearing aide

Claude needs to come back and make more movies

Claude needs to be placed historically within a larger reaction against certain aspects of modernist art

Hey, this is fun!!

Claude needs to go

Jazzzoline · June-9th-2006, 11:59 AM

Bibi needs America.

Bibi needs to give up being Prime Minister for a period of six weeks.

Bibi needs to go, but Israelis love liars so we will keep Bibi.

Bibi needs to be number 1.

Bibi needs to [pauses] touch me with her tentacles in order to start to feel better.

Bibi needs a rest.

but Bibi still needs a new tent.

bibi needs to go fishing sometime...and then taste how we bbq the fishy fuckers!...

Bibi needs to be thrown out of politics.

bibi needs a lot of work yet.

Gentle Giant · June-9th-2006, 12:00 PM

Gentle Giant Needs Urgent Surgery

Also...
Gentle giant needs to find a loving home where he can be a faithful friend.

Noj · June-9th-2006, 12:16 PM

Shaw needs to research First Amendment history.
Shaw needs new enlisted dorms and has needed an equipment storage facility for some time.
Shaw needs to release the 7.10 Firmware before PC users will be able to use the port.
Shaw needs to listen.
Shaw needs more of the obscure material.
Shaw needs Missouri Baptist men to step forward as volunteer repairmen.
Shaw needs a few junior college courses in emergency management.
Shaw needs to step beyond the boundaries of the underground.
Shaw needs an editor and a proofreader to tighten up some of his mistakes, but he is on his way to greatness if he keeps this up.