my girlfriend and i just broke up after almost 5 years together

Daniel · September-27th-2006, 08:58 PM

rough, but deep down i know it's for the best

Gerardo A · September-27th-2006, 09:02 PM

Damn. Sorry, dude.

Ron Thorne · September-27th-2006, 09:04 PM

Sorry to hear this, though I know none of the particulars, and they're none of my business.

Here's hoping that things smooth out for both of you, Daniel.

Daniel · September-27th-2006, 09:05 PM

thanks man

i know it's going to be tough for a while but i think this is a good opportunity to get my shit together. i think i'll start an exercise routine or something

Daniel · September-27th-2006, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron Thorne

Sorry to hear this, though I know none of the particulars, and they're none of my business.

Here's hoping that things smooth out for both of you, Daniel.

yeah, thanks. i just felt i needed to tell somebody or something

and most of you guys are a lot older than i am so i'm sure you have all experienced, and survived, something similar

Sandi22 · September-27th-2006, 09:17 PM

What? Now you're going to do all the things she wanted of you in the first place?

Really, when in a relationship, it's hard to keep track of your own needs and what it is you need to do for yourself, in all sorts of ways and when you do take good care of yourself, emotionally and physically, things have a way of being better for everyone. It's also hard to be unselfish and caring about the other person's wants and needs, even letting them have their own space can feel rough.

As far as her leaving, it's good you think it's for the best, that's a thing in your favor, but it's hard to end things and not think back about anyone you've had a history with. I still think back on old first loves with fondness and still know it was all for the best that things did end, actually it was best for both of us. It was better for everyone involved, even for immediate family members.

Good luck. The worlds an adventure, so - ENJOY!

Daniel · September-27th-2006, 09:21 PM

i guess i just couldn't be bothered to make the changes i needed to to save the relationship. i think that says a lot about the state our relationship was in.

she's my best friend and i'll always care for her but i guess it's the right time to make changes and improve myself

HenryMc · September-27th-2006, 09:28 PM

Man that sucks but look on the bright side , you have so much to look forward to.

There's all these wonderful awkward moments to look forward to like:

(a) answering the phone and hearing her voice as she says "we need to talk". You heart leaps until she says "Forward my mail to Martin's place"

(b) seeing her in the street and saying hi, only to have her say 'are you stalking me?"

(c) Finding her Dashboard Confessional CD amongst yours and playing it and crying, remembering you hate Dashboard Confessional.

(d) Punching out her new botfriend only to find out he's (i) a navy seal, (ii) a professional boxer, or (iii) has name that ends in i, and is 'connected'.

(e) calling her name when schtupping some broad you picked up in a bar because she looked vaguely like the ex (depending on the time you pick her up, the vaguely maybe just a human shape)

(f) remembering all the good times

(g) remembering all the bad times, and reinventing them as good times.

(h) Seeing friends, who insist on saying "You still seeing....., aw thats a damn shame man, and punching your shoulder before saying "have you met (their wife's) sister? You have. She's a dog. They want you to suffer!!

(i) Seeing your girlfriend in the society pages, wearing white, while she marries Leland Shillingsworth 111.

(j) Seeing the now Mrs Shillingsworth on TV, at the Opera and in the press.

(k) laughing when you hear Shillingsworth has been indicted for Tax fraud and the Govt has frozen their assets.

(l) Seeing her look broke and fifty-five, shen she's only 40, and one of your friends says "Didnt you live with her?" and you answer "No, No, Man, I boned her, but hey she was pretty then!"

I Know, I know, completely insensitive. Man- all I can say is laugh, cry, rail against the gods - we all have been there, that 'dark end of lonely street" . I am just being a smartass- Im sure she was a gem.

Daniel · September-27th-2006, 09:36 PM

hehe, thanks

she really was a gem. we had a good time for a long time. i guess i should treasure that

kenny weir · September-27th-2006, 09:42 PM

My solution when this happened to me a couple of years ago: Buy records.

Gerardo A · September-27th-2006, 09:50 PM

And lots of kind bud.

Captain Hate · September-27th-2006, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel

and most of you guys are a lot older than i am so i'm sure you have all experienced, and survived, something similar

Damn, I just went to your profile; that 5 years is a significant % of your life and here I'd always associated your age with your avatar. Did it leave you with a dull pain in your gut??

Daniel · September-27th-2006, 10:16 PM

yeah, right now i feel numb and a little bit sad. it's going to take a while to get used to being alone

i think i'm going to go for a run

Cem · September-27th-2006, 10:23 PM

Good idea to run & be in nature. You're in/near Nanaimo. Lots of beauty there (yes, double-entendre). Both good for the head.

Sorry for the split, Daniel, but you'll come to a peaceful place with it eventually. Just don't become a bitter, old fuck like me... almost 4 years solo now.

GoodSpeak · September-27th-2006, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel

i guess i just couldn't be bothered to make the changes i needed to to save the relationship. i think that says a lot about the state our relationship was in.

she's my best friend and i'll always care for her but i guess it's the right time to make changes and improve myself

Maybe you're not the one who needed to change...

Hang in there, Daniel.

We've all been there, my friend.

Rob C · September-27th-2006, 11:11 PM

I recently had a life lesson both instructive and amusing that helped me, and, who knows, might help you.

Background first: My first serious girlfriend, call her K., dumped me after freshman year of college--we'd been together for 2 years: first love, lost virginity, etc. etc. Then during sophomore year, she and my best friend, M., started going out. Devastating! Dark night of the soul time, my whole world is crumbling, all that shit. I pretty much got a whole new set of friends over the next couple of years, didn't want to deal with being around them. But eventually my friend M. made peace with me, we started hanging out again--and around that time, K. dumped him. And shortly thereafter starting dating ANOTHER good friend of mine, D. Tragedy repeating as comedy this time, I couldn't believe it. Was I never going to get rid of this chick? But within another couple of years, she'd dumped D., too.

I remained friends with both of these guys ever after (I'm 36 now), but lost touch with her completely, hearing through the rumor mill that she'd been very successful careerwise, but had been married and divorced a couple of times.

So, then, last Labor Day, I went to M.'s wedding. He had remained friends with K. over the years, but it was the first time in about 15 years that I was going to see her. And she attended with her girlfriend. Yes, it seems K. is gay. I was chuckling to myself for a week! After all these years, the hurt feelings had fallen away, and I just felt very happy to catch up with my old friends, but I was chuckling because it made me positively giddy to think, how I could never have possibly guessed, back in the dark night of the soul days, that I would one day be reuniting with M. and K., at M.'s wedding, and meeting K.'s girlfriend. I was chuckling with the realization that life is the most hilarious comedy there is.

So I said at the beginning that this lesson "helped" me, and I say that because I've been going through changes lately, too--I just got divorced last week, which had been in process for the better part of this year (we separated summer 2005), and this K. & M. scenario just reminded me how you never know what the hell life is going to bring, and however bad it might feel at some points, it's also probably going to turn out some ways you never anticipated, and it will probably make you laugh in the end.

Anyway, good luck, man....

Scott Dolan · September-27th-2006, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel

hehe, thanks

she really was a gem. we had a good time for a long time. i guess i should treasure that

Well, I don't know the in's and out's of your situation, but it sounds to me like you aren't completely sold on this being permanent.

Either way, you have my kindest regards, my brother.

I did not realize you were so young. Your attitude and intellect betray your age.

My first instinct was to come in here and give you advice. But I have done that for others and it ended up being all for shit.

I wish you nothing but peace and happiness, my friend. I HATE to see this kind of thing. And I hope that it does not sour you in any way.

Always keep the door open to any possibilities.

Dr Dave · September-27th-2006, 11:38 PM

Think of it as practice. You'll do better next time, and (if you're a slow learner like me) you'll do better the time after that, too. I was married for 13 years, then seven years trying to figure which end was up, and now 16 years on the second try, and I'm still working on getting it right. Learning how to live with another person, especially when that person is of the opposite sex (hey, they don't call it the "opposite" sex for nothing!) is not for the faint of heart. Shit, life is not for the faint of heart. Hang in there.

Scott Dolan · September-27th-2006, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob C

I recently had a life lesson both instructive and amusing that helped me, and, who knows, might help you.

Background first: My first serious girlfriend, call her K., dumped me after freshman year of college--we'd been together for 2 years: first love, lost virginity, etc. etc. Then during sophomore year, she and my best friend, M., started going out. Devastating! Dark night of the soul time, my whole world is crumbling, all that shit. I pretty much got a whole new set of friends over the next couple of years, didn't want to deal with being around them. But eventually my friend M. made peace with me, we started hanging out again--and around that time, K. dumped him. And shortly thereafter starting dating ANOTHER good friend of mine, D. Tragedy repeating as comedy this time, I couldn't believe it. Was I never going to get rid of this chick? But within another couple of years, she'd dumped D., too.

I remained friends with both of these guys ever after (I'm 36 now), but lost touch with her completely, hearing through the rumor mill that she'd been very successful careerwise, but had been married and divorced a couple of times.

So, then, last Labor Day, I went to M.'s wedding. He had remained friends with K. over the years, but it was the first time in about 15 years that I was going to see her. And she attended with her girlfriend. Yes, it seems K. is gay. I was chuckling to myself for a week! After all these years, the hurt feelings had fallen away, and I just felt very happy to catch up with my old friends, but I was chuckling because it made me positively giddy to think, how I could never have possibly guessed, back in the dark night of the soul days, that I would one day reunite with M. and K., at M.'s wedding, and meeting K.'s girlfriend. I was chuckling with the realization that life is the most hilarious comedy there is.

So I said at the beginning that this lesson "helped" me, and I say that because I've been going through changes lately, too--I just got divorced last week, which had been in process for the better part of this year (we separated summer 2005), and this K. & M. scenario just reminded me how you never know what the hell life is going to bring, and however bad it might feel at some points, it's also probably going to turn out some ways you never anticipated, and it will probably make you laugh in the end.

Anyway, good luck, man....

Awesome story, Rob!

Though I'm terribly sorry to hear of your recent divorce.

All my best to you.

Scott Dolan · September-27th-2006, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Finch

I was married for 13 years, then seven years trying to figure which end was up, and now 16 years on the second try, and I'm still working on getting it right.

Huh?

My math is horrendous, but wouldn't that be #3?

Quote:

Learning how to live with another person, especially when that person is of the opposite sex (hey, they don't call it the "opposite" sex for nothing!) is not for the faint of heart.

Words of motherfucking wisdom!!

When my only true friend in this world (aside from my beautiful wife) was here a couple of years back he asked us the question of whether we would do it all over again should our marriage fail. We both answered emphatically "NO"!!!!!

It;s just too fucking hard. Am I right, Finch?

bluenoter · September-27th-2006, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HenryMc

There's all these wonderful awkward moments to look forward to like: . . .

I am just being a smartass- . . .

Henry--

If you'd left out the misogynist bits, all of us could have laughed at it and enjoyed it. (The "name ending with a vowel" thing gets kind of old too.) Next time, I hope you'll take a road that's a little higher.

Daniel--

I'm sorry.

Rob C · September-27th-2006, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott Dolan

Awesome story, Rob!

Though I'm terribly sorry to hear of your recent divorce.

All my best to you.

Thanks, man, I'm feeling pretty good these days, though. 2005 sucked, but 2006 has been all right!

Scott Dolan · September-28th-2006, 12:00 AM

Good for you, brother.

bluenoter · September-28th-2006, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cem

Just don't become a bitter, old fuck like me... almost 4 years solo now.

Cem, I already know that you're a wonderful person. So, uh, do you like neurotic older women?

Scott Dolan · September-28th-2006, 12:07 AM

Shameless............

Daniel · September-28th-2006, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott Dolan

Well, I don't know the in's and out's of your situation, but it sounds to me like you aren't completely sold on this being permanent.

the relationship being permanent or the split being permanent?

thanks for the compliment and good words (that goes to everyone). i really appreciate it

Scott Dolan · September-28th-2006, 12:31 AM

The split.

Daniel · September-28th-2006, 12:38 AM

i don't know

we split up once before but that was only six month into our relationship. we've come close to splitting up a couple of times since then but this just feels like the end, you know? i'm really not sure what's going to happen but i don't expect that she'll come back. she did leave open the possibility though. if she did come back, i would take her back, but i'm afraid that would be the comfortable thing for me to do, not the most sensible.

Cem · September-28th-2006, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluenoter

Cem, I already know that you're a wonderful person. So, uh, do you like neurotic older women?

Heh, heh... well sure (nice googly eyes), thanks, but the woman that can put up with me has not been born... Even *I* can't put up with me.

I think, that's telling. I see your neurotic & raise it by extremely difficult, "complex" & unwilling to change.

I don't think Daniel needs to worry about these things, though. He seems like he'll get along just fine.

John P. Cooper · September-28th-2006, 02:37 AM

Good time to start watching the Gilmore Girls on TV. Sublimely instructional. Oldest GG just dumped her b/f b/c he hesitated a little too long re marriage.

Youngest GG is realizing her b/f is not missing her as much as she is missing him.

Eye-opening in a way that real ife sometimes inot b/c you are in the real life situation and can't see the trees for the forest.