October-3rd-2006, 11:24 AM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 164
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Personal Ads -- Should I Does It?
I can'ts believe it!
I beens moved upstate by my company! So I have to break up with my lady of the week an' whatnot. Not only that, theyre like movins me up to someplace called Wampsville or somesuch nonsnse.
Now I know there ain't no ladies in Wampsville, at least not of the human variety. So I was thinkins of puttins out a personal ad. You thinks it any good?
"Man, real studlike, wants to teach you the ways of loves in ways you have heretofre not experiences. I will spend many many hours makin the sweetest of love, shower you with rose petals and whatnot and show you what its like in my crib.
I likes champagnes, wine and jazz muisc. I prefer to take my times doin many things, including eating lucscious food. Am in love with late night walks on the beach and conversations about philosophy and life.
Must travel to Wampsville. Will pay for your cab! My job is to make you happy in many ways that weren't even writtens in a book.
Please feel free to contact me for rreferences. Many names available who will attest to the power of my love."
I think its pretty well written but I may have to spice it up.
Wampsville!!!! 
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October-3rd-2006, 12:14 PM
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#2
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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Shouldn't the ad contain some specific booty requirements?
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October-3rd-2006, 12:45 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 164
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"Must have splenderiferous booty! The bigger the betters, but beins alone in Wampsville will lendy myself to attract all kinds of ladies!"
Tahnks for the advice, Clint.
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October-3rd-2006, 03:04 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 256
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Darryl, don't be a stupid sumbitch. A friend of mine did the personal ads game last year and he was contacted by a dozen or so woman inmates, a transvestite who would do things that no animal would do, some real bowzers, and one psycho. I say go back to the devil you know than deal with the crazies.
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October-3rd-2006, 03:19 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 333
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Lots of folks seem to be meeting up via the internet nowadays. Not just crazies, I know a couple of legitmate couples that met that way. I can't give specific advice, cuz I've been married since before there was an internet (that's B.G. - Before Gore).
I would point out, however, that what you write will determine what kind of lady you find. From what I can see so far, you're interested in ladies who don't know much about grammar. I myself prefer brains AND booty.
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October-3rd-2006, 04:13 PM
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#6
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JM is Back!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 4,529
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larry, you're joking...I hope.
I'm thinking of doing the personal ads thing myself. I may need some help in writing up my profile though.
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October-3rd-2006, 04:51 PM
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#7
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by jazzy mary
larry, you're joking...I hope.
I'm thinking of doing the personal ads thing myself. I may need some help in writing up my profile though.
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I think ol darryls is available for consulting. His fee can be negotiated.
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October-3rd-2006, 06:51 PM
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#8
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JM is Back!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 4,529
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Hmmm, maybe Darryl could help me out... 
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October-3rd-2006, 08:22 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 164
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Hows about this:
Fine-ass woman, bein's all into jazz and whatnot, long walks on the beach expecially when it cold, would likes tender, lovins relationship with a real mans. No juniors, please.
This womans is beautiful, warm and most intimate when neededs to be. I likes cuddlin and makin coffee, expcieally mocachninos. I will warm your toes by the evenins fire, and make the sweetest of love, but only after I gets to you know becuase I AIN'T NO SLUT! I am a wel--respcted member of the community and fine an' upstandins.
Alls emails answered an whatnot.
Picture not necessary because I love who you are, not your ugly-ass face.
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October-3rd-2006, 09:44 PM
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#10
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Next year....
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The San Joaquin Valley, CA
Posts: 23,914
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OK.
You know what, Darryl....is it at all possible for you to type using the King's English in your posts?
The over use of the letter 'S' is just plain annoying.
My two cents...
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October-4th-2006, 01:59 AM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 6,161
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by wesbound
A friend of mine did the personal ads game last year and he was contacted by a dozen or so woman inmates, a transvestite who would do things that no animal would do, some real bowzers, and one psycho.
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I take it things didn't work out for him with the transvestite?
I hesitate to ask what a "bowzer" is.
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October-4th-2006, 09:15 AM
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#12
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User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Below the line
Posts: 9,884
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Darryl, I bet there are ladies in Wampsville. And none of them will be able to resist your charm and congenial personality, nor your wonderful urbanity. Godspeed.
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October-4th-2006, 10:04 AM
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#13
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Six decades
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Capital City
Posts: 12,801
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and whatnots.
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October-4th-2006, 10:22 AM
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#14
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JM is Back!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 4,529
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darryl
Hows about this:
Fine-ass woman, bein's all into jazz and whatnot, long walks on the beach expecially when it cold, would likes tender, lovins relationship with a real mans. No juniors, please.
This womans is beautiful, warm and most intimate when neededs to be. I likes cuddlin and makin coffee, expcieally mocachninos. I will warm your toes by the evenins fire, and make the sweetest of love, but only after I gets to you know becuase I AIN'T NO SLUT! I am a wel--respcted member of the community and fine an' upstandins.
Alls emails answered an whatnot.
Picture not necessary because I love who you are, not your ugly-ass face.
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Not bad, D but let's add some stuff. I'm beautiful all the time. Not just when neededs to be and I'm warm & intimate way beyond when it's neededs to be! LOL! Oh, and Juniors MAY APPLY!
Hmmm, what else? Should I just come out and say I have a big, fine bottom?
I'm in a good mood today because, well, see the Tina Marsh thread in "jazz News".
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October-4th-2006, 11:07 AM
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 164
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JAZZY MARY AN' WHATNOT!
You get a A!!!!!
A-1!!! Double A Plus 1!!!!
This place sucks. I'ms gonna go outside and watch the leaves turn borwn and stuff, because these peoples here, they got no sense of class, no sense of style. I means, they all intermarried with each other and their cows.
The only ladies I met here wsa 160 years old livins on cigarettes and ridin' the Night Train. And she had a tattoo of a frog!
Right in the middle of her forehead!
Anyways, this is what we does for funs in Wampsville:
Could you believes it?!? This is like Class A Entertainments for these clowns.
http://www.oneidadispatch.com/site/n...id=68844&rfi=6
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October-4th-2006, 11:11 AM
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#16
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JM is Back!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 4,529
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Darryl, That sounds like some happenin'! Rabies is serious, ya know!
Darryl, please, please, PLEASE tell us about yourself. What do you do in Wampsville (that's for real--goddamm--who'd have thunk that!?)
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October-4th-2006, 11:18 AM
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#17
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by GoodSpeak
OK.
You know what, Darryl....is it at all possible for you to type using the King's English in your posts?
The over use of the letter 'S' is just plain annoying.
My two cents...
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Leave its to some freakin english teacher to picks on ol darryls' garammers
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Stand clear of the doors
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October-4th-2006, 11:25 AM
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#18
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 333
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by clinthopson
Leave its to some freakin english teacher to picks on ol darryls' garammers
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And don't forget me - I'm the son of an English teacher (really).
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October-4th-2006, 11:40 AM
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#19
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www.steveminkin.com
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Healdsburg, Sonoma County, California
Posts: 11,959
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I think my brother went to college around there, Darryl. No womens. He became a monk and went to India after living there.
But you might want to use this line from Jesus, who just sent me an e-mail trying to sells me some Viagra and Cialis: 'We know that you are you to the metal. And in mid motion and the weighed them.'
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October-4th-2006, 11:54 AM
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#20
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De harder dey come...
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 6,336
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I think you might consider looking for a new job closer to civilization, Darryls. Wampsville is about a hundred miles from nowhere. If you stay there too long, cows are going to start looking pretty good to you, too.
Last edited by groover; October-4th-2006 at 11:58 AM.
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October-4th-2006, 12:03 PM
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#21
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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A darryls, a rabbi and JazzyM walk into this bar in Wampsville. . .
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October-4th-2006, 12:41 PM
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,325
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by GoodSpeak
You know what, Darryl....is it at all possible for you to type using the King's English in your posts?
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Has there been a coup?? Last I heard, the queen was still on the throne.
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October-4th-2006, 12:46 PM
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#23
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www.steveminkin.com
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Healdsburg, Sonoma County, California
Posts: 11,959
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by clinthopson
A darryls, a rabbi and JazzyM walk into this bar in Wampsville. . .
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... which is deserted except for a rabid dog sitting by himself in a booth and the bartender, who was a duck. Darryls turns to JM and says...
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October-4th-2006, 01:01 PM
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#24
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Isn't life WONDERFUL !
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Québec, Canada
Posts: 3,813
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Squaredancecalling Steve
... which is deserted except for a rabid dog sitting by himself in a booth and the bartender, who was a duck. Darryls turns to JM and says...
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... something nobody could hear because the music is too loud
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All or nothing at all
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October-4th-2006, 02:28 PM
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#25
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,904
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tom Storer
I hesitate to ask what a "bowzer" is.
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October-4th-2006, 04:52 PM
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#26
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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JazzyM slaps Darryls in his unmentionables while the rabbi . .
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October-4th-2006, 06:40 PM
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#27
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colors outside the lines
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 12,288
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who is really a Catholic priest on the lam crosses himself and says, "I'll gladly pay you Tooosday, for a..."
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October-4th-2006, 08:57 PM
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#28
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Next year....
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The San Joaquin Valley, CA
Posts: 23,914
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by clinthopson
Leave its to some freakin english teacher to picks on ol darryls' garammers
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Occupational hazard.... sorry.
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October-5th-2006, 09:06 AM
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#29
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User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Below the line
Posts: 9,884
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by tippy
who is really a Catholic priest on the lam crosses himself and says, "I'll gladly pay you Tooosday, for a..."
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"...pulled-pork sangwich today!"
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October-5th-2006, 09:26 AM
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#30
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The Bluegrass
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: no country for old men
Posts: 30,835
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Leave it to Goodie to complete miss what we loves about Darryl's's posts and whatnot.
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