How Do You Rate Your 'Life Experience'?

[walto]

Do you think you are having a rich & full (if, perhaps, not necessarily "diverse") life compared to people your age?

Note: I can't define "rich and full" here. You'll have to do your best (and Pete doesn't have to vote if this riles him). But I'm trying to ask if you think you "experience deeply" when you, say, fall in love, listen to music, hate somebody, or enjoy a meal, rather than if you've been to Malta or have had over 100 lovers. Comments are welcome.

I made it a public poll.

[Tom Storer]

What's difficult to gauge is the comparison-to-others part. I feel like my life is rich and full, but how the hell do I know if my richness and fullness is greater or lesser than someone else's? I put "about the same" because I don't think my life's events, routines, interests etc. are particularly exceptional, therefore why should my inner experience of it be exceptional?

[Gary Sisco]

Tom of course raises the sticky part of the question. I picked the "more" choice only because by not having children or taking a career route or etc., or having a "wife" whose wants and needs figure as largely in the equation as my own, I've been able to spend more of my life on my terms than a lot of people and not had to do a lot of things out of necessity or obligation unless one I felt within myself. I realize other people can get the "more" feeling for other reasons than mine. By living the way I have I've been able to do more different kinds of things without having to worry about their ramifications on a family or children. Many people would prefer the things that come with the things I've chosen to avoid, of course, but I've heard many also refer too much to what they are going to do someday, when they retire, or when they ... Anyway, life on one's own terms, to the greatest extent possible, opens up realms of experience not otherwise available, but "rich and full" in this context can also contain much that many, myself included, wouldn't include in the pleasant category necessarily. But experience is experience and not all that is worthwhile or valuable is pleasant. I mean no arrogance in these remarks. There have been many times when I've found myself in a tight spot wondering how in the world I got there -- and knowing, despite the wondering, that I put myself there -- and wondering why in the world I didn't go for that MFA and a soft scam as a writer-in-residence teaching a few days a week, or some such. I can honestly say that I haven't felt any yearning for the family life I haven't had. Nor for a career.

[Gentle Giant]

In many ways, I feel more blessed than I have any right to expect to be. I wish my life was richer financially, but with eyes that see, ears that hear, legs that work, a wife, two beautiful daughters, a job, and a living room full of CDs, I'm content.

More, less, or same as others doesn't seem important. Well, maybe if I really felt like I was having less of a life experience it would matter, but then it may just be a question of needing some therapy.

[Vince Kargatis]

I'm a cynic - I don't think my life is very 'rich' or 'full', but I think neither is the average, so I voted same, not knowing better.

[walto]

I'm wondering whether jazz fans (like jazz icons,maybe?) believe themselves to be more in touch with "the ecstatic" than others, not only when they listen to music, but perhaps also when they see a sunrise or a great painting, fear death, desire some love object, etc.

Are you all middling, or do you rejoice and suffer more acutely than most others?

[Gary Sisco]

Legs that work is no small thing, man. As a good friend of ours entered his really old-age years and could no longer walk without a walker (terrible arthritis of the hips -- I could actually hear it when I helped him up out of a chair) he was talking to Bronwyn about it. She told him not to knock walking, however hard it might be. He had to admit she had a point, there. Having been with Bronwyn now for more than 12 years, it's something I'll not take for granted ever again.

Needless to say, everyone's idea of a rich and full life will be different. As every person is different, so, too, is everyone's experiences, desires, wants and needs.

I feel blessed -- having lived with a number of others before Bronwyn -- in having a partner who understands that it's not only women who need "a room of one's own," and that my need for time alone is not the same thing as needing time away from her, or away from anything. It's a desire (and for me, a need) for something -- solitude -- not a desire to be away from something.

I feel blessed also in that she's never complained about the amount of music that gets played around here (though she does have the "upstairs" and "downstairs" music categories -- happily there's an upstairs available to accommodate it). All the others have complained, eventually, about it. Ironically, it's been during my time with Bronwyn that I've stopped my old habit of having a continual soundtrack going on, sleeping or waking. I think that old habit is related to my PTSD, being a form of distraction, and as I've grown older and farther away from experience, or become more comfortable with memory, I've lost the need for such distraction. One thing I'm too aware of is mortality. There isn't all that much time to be going around distracting myself from my own life.

[Gary Sisco]

Walto -- An impossible line of questioning, right there.

[Steve Reynolds]

the stuff I used to do - I "felt" things that only people like me felt.

far as today - have little money and have had a very hard time getting back into my profession due to past destruction of my life - but the richness and fullness of my life in some areas is indecribable to people who havn't gone through the hell that I have survived.

as far as the jazz stuff and feeling things - I have always been very passionate about wanting feel things - today those feelings are different and come from doing things I never thought I would do.

comes from caryying a message of hope to desparate dying people who if they hear it may be able to live again.



peace and blessings

[hornplayer]

Originally Posted by Tom Storer

What's difficult to gauge is the comparison-to-others part. I feel like my life is rich and full, but how the hell do I know if my richness and fullness is greater or lesser than someone else's? I put "about the same" because I don't think my life's events, routines, interests etc. are particularly exceptional, therefore why should my inner experience of it be exceptional?

That's true, tom, but I voted before I read the instructions in the Walt's first post, and to me life experiences include all of it, even if he doesn't want us to include the "Things" part of it... I don't see how one can separate the two.

I don't know if I feel things "deeper" than most, but I do experience them differently from many of my friends and colleagues, and I think my experience is :richer" -- but what do I know?

[Tom Storer]

Originally Posted by walto

I'm wondering whether jazz fans (like jazz icons,maybe?) believe themselves to be more in touch with "the ecstatic" than others, not only when they listen to music, but perhaps also when they see a sunrise or a great painting, fear death, desire some love object, etc.

Are you all middling, or do you rejoice and suffer more acutely than most others?

I can only speak for myself, but I'm don't think I'm particularly in touch with "the ecstatic." I'm a middling sort of guy (usually warm, rarely heated; usually alert, rarely excited; sometimes the blues, rarely misery), and glad of it. Rejoicing more acutely than others might be cool, but suffering more acutely? The ecstatics can have it.

But I confess I don't see what being a jazz fan has to do it with one way or another. How did you come to formulate this question?

[Gary Sisco]

I don't think so, either, Tom, if only because I've known quite a number of jazz fans who were, well, squares (a word I've been intentionally reviving) who'd have no use for it.

I've felt the ecstatic in various different kinds of experiences but I don't think they and being a jazz guy have much to do with each other.

[hearsay]

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

Legs that work is no small thing, man. As a good friend of ours entered his really old-age years and could no longer walk without a walker (terrible arthritis of the hips -- I could actually hear it when I helped him up out of a chair) he was talking to Bronwyn about it. She told him not to knock walking, however hard it might be. He had to admit she had a point, there. Having been with Bronwyn now for more than 12 years, it's something I'll not take for granted ever again.

True, I recall when I was a teenager and broke my ankle over summer vacation, I would watch in envy as people walked around. I swore I wouldn't take it for granted, but of course I eventually did. There are so many things we take for granted and it's hard to keep perspective about them, but I do try to do that. As melodramatic as it may seem I try to remind myself that I have it pretty easy whenever hear reports of Iraq or Katrina victims or Darfur, even though I do feel dull and torpid most of the time. I would probably rate my experience as less than others of my age becasue of this, people I know who have accomplished more seem to be happier and more fulfilled.

[Gary Sisco]

Oh, bullshit. Look at the musicians you run with!

You're right about the having it easy part, though. That doesn't occur to too many people, too often. No matter what's happening, it can be a lot worse and a lot harder in situations such as those you raise. Too many forget that people who live in a war, still have to live. They still have to try to make a living, feed their family, and all of the other, mundane stuff *and* try to stay alive at the same time.

[Gary Sisco]

I had a girlfriend once who was super hot. When we first met and we were doing all the usual just-met talk, she told me she was dull and vapid. I was like, You? Forget about it.

Man, was she ever right.

[Noj]

I've been told I live among the top 1% in the world in terms of income; middle class in America compared to most of the world's population is unbelievably wealthy. I have experienced much in some arenas, little in others. I've undoubtedly had more days of leisure than most kids my age living in third-world conditions. Plus, I hope I'm ahead of the curve in terms of appreciating it. So yes, I'd say my life is rich and full in many ways I better damn well be thankful for, as many have far less than I do.

[Jazzooo]

I can't say for jazz fans, but being a musician--a certain kind of musician, one who improvises--seems to be connected to being in touch with the ecstatic, at least for me. Maybe it's a symptom as opposed to a cause, I don't know. But I am a big passionate Jewish Italian with strong loves and the ability to appreciate little things in ways that some of my friends can't connect with. I appreciate that gift very much.

I like the concept of being blessed--I've been given some random gifts by the universe that have enriched my life and through me the lives of others. However, as we all know, the word 'blessed' has been co-opted by the religious right, so when someone tells me they are blessed, it is basically code for believing that Jesus rode a dinosaur to church (thank you, George Carlin). It makes me uncomfortable using the word without explaining that I mean it in a secular sense, which is too blah blah blah, so I stopped using it.

HOWEVER...I have come up with a way to take back the word! And I am happy to share it with you.

If I am at a party and feel like talking about my cool life, I simply say "I'm so fucking blessed." Immediately, they know I'm grateful but not a fundamentalist Christian. Kills two birds with one stone, eh?

[claude]

Originally Posted by Jazzooo

If I am at a party and feel like talking about my cool life, I simply say "I'm so fucking blessed." Immediately, they know I'm grateful but not a fundamentalist Christian. Kills two birds with one stone, eh?

Excellent jazzooo, I'll have to remember that one.

I also am so fucking blessed.

[steve(thelil)]

I don't have a ton of money and my career wasn't all that successful. Nonetheless, I have always preferred stimulation and experiences to acquisitions and professional renown.

I have been very fortunate to have a very happy long term marriage to a wonderful and interesting woman, long-time friends who
continue to interest me as much as they ever have, great siblings who I am closer to now than ever and a cubic shitload of great life experiences.

When my thoughts turn to my own mortality (as they often do when someone I know dies or is dying) I find myself not dreading death nearly as much as I used to (dying - especially painfully - is a different story), largely because I have been lucky enough to have more experiences of the type I desire (travel, enjoying and experiencing live music and the arts, socializing with great people) than most people get to have, no matter how long they live.

When I met our friend Doctor Dave and we finished the night over some great food and a few drinks at a cool place he took me to, I remember my parting words to him were "We're two lucky motherfuckers."

And my gerbil just had a pedicure.

[Root Doctor]

Pete Cherches picks out restaurants for me to try whenever I vist NYC. How much better can life possibly be?

[jazzy mary]

Well, I've had some real bad experiences but I've had some good too.

Because of music, my life has been very rich. I'm listening to Oliver Nelson right now--that's a pretty rich life experience right there!

I'm happy to claim some of the greatest musicians (and people) in the world as my friends and intimates.

I truly feel that music is the consistent thing in my life that always makes my life rich and it has brought me so much happiness. I don't know what I would do without it! I just cannot understand people who aren't in to music. I feel like a piece of their soul just isn't there.

And, last night and Tues. night I was with my daughters & a friend at Continental Arena in N.J. seeing the Red Hot Chili Peppers as Flea's guests and then hanging w/ the cats afterwards. On the record--I adore Flea. He is the sweetest most wonderful person on earth!

It was his B-day on Monday so I gave him a B-day present of a book of Chekhov's short stories. Of course, he knew them.

Oh, and get this, my younger daughter's two best friends (and bandmates) were Flea's guests too on Tues. This was their FIRST rock concert and here they are--free, 3rd row tickets for a SOLD OUT concert, guests of Flea's w/ VIP room privileges and afterwards they hang w/ Flea & Anthony! Not bad for a first rock concert!!

And I've traveled a lot, read alot. And I live in NYC and I have ballet tickets on Sunday!

Oh, and the first man I ever gave flowers to was Tony Williams. Pretty weird, huh?

The one thing I would like more of is $$$ and sex.

[hearsay]

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

Oh, bullshit. Look at the musicians you run with!

You're right about the having it easy part, though. That doesn't occur to too many people, too often. No matter what's happening, it can be a lot worse and a lot harder in situations such as those you raise. Too many forget that people who live in a war, still have to live. They still have to try to make a living, feed their family, and all of the other, mundane stuff *and* try to stay alive at the same time.

I don't really think I'm a dull person, as far as my personality (sometimes I suppose) and my interests, I just mean that I often feel ambivalent toward a lot of the concerns and interests that people I know get excited about.

Being a musician can wear on you mentally, as you know, the minor rejections chip away at you (as I suppose any would). But I know I have it easy, mostly I try not to work too hard and I'm happy to make the music that I do, but sometimes I think "who gives a shit".

[hearsay]

Originally Posted by jazzy mary

The one thing I would like more of is $$$ and sex.

You should try a career in the escort business.

[jazzy mary]

hmmmmm. Somehow, I don't think that would work. maybe I should have said love & sex.

Thanks for the suggestion, though.

[tippy]

Hey I thought escorts were strictly platonic.



My life is more rich and creamy.

[Dan G]

Originally Posted by hearsay

I don't really think I'm a dull person, as far as my personality (sometimes I suppose) and my interests, I just mean that I often feel ambivalent toward a lot of the concerns and interests that people I know get excited about.

Socrates probably said it best – the unexamined life is not worth living.

I’ve had a pretty vast array of experience – my wife and I are easily in the upper middle class (+ $150 annual income combined, with a conscious decision not to have kids) with a nice house, jobs that allow us time to enjoy gardening and weekends in the mountains, and the money and opportunity to have traveled on 4 continents. I’ve seen some of the world’s best architecture and art, indulged in amazing wine and food, heard music performed by the best. And I also spent about a year in the early 80s living on the street. I also grew up very poor, and had many adult years well below the poverty line when we were both in university.

And I don’t count any stage of my life as any more or less rich and full than another, because throughout it all I’ve been able to critically understand my life, make sense of what I do and why I am in a given situation and the role I might be playing. Is what I am doing contributing positively? Or am I a detriment to this planet? Or even worse, just taking up space? I think at the stage of my life I’m in now, it would be too easy to get complacent – I have the goodies I want, travel, etc, and not think about what I’m doing and why. But that, to me, wouldn’t be living a rich and full life.

I need to question everything: every purchase (where is it coming from? what resources, human or material, are being exploited? do I really need it? Is there a better alternative?), every vacation (what is the political and social climate of the place I am visiting? am I supporting a lifestyle I disagree with? Is a weekend relaxing in the mountains a fair trade for burning a tank full of gasoline?), and even every action (Does it benefit anyone but me? Who might it harm?).

That, for me, is a rich life. So I’m answering the poll “more than others” because I know too many people who just coast through without ever asking “why?”

[Vince Kargatis]

Huh. I think about that stuff too, Dan G, but I wouldn't say any of it makes me feel my life is richer or fuller. Perhaps just because I'm too lazy.

[Dr Dave]

All I know is I am one lucky motherfucker. I know I do not deserve my good fortune, but you can bet I'm glad to have it.

[JamesH]

Originally Posted by Noj

I've been told I live among the top 1% in the world in terms of income; middle class in America compared to most of the world's population is unbelievably wealthy. I have experienced much in some arenas, little in others. I've undoubtedly had more days of leisure than most kids my age living in third-world conditions. Plus, I hope I'm ahead of the curve in terms of appreciating it. So yes, I'd say my life is rich and full in many ways I better damn well be thankful for, as many have far less than I do.

Nice post Noj.

[JamesH]

Though I'm behind the curve, compared to my contemporaries, in a few areas of my life, I don't sweat it. Overall I feel privileged, rich and blessed. And even on my worst day, which is rarely that bad, there's always jazz.