International Women's Day

Dan G · March-8th-2007, 06:24 PM

Odd that there's been no mention of this today...

Anyway, it is a bizarre title for this thread, but I'm in a weird mood. I just want to say to all the women who participate here, take care of yourselves. And men, support the women in your life.

I was at a funeral this afternoon for a good friend. She was my assistant for 5 years, and we grew pretty close. About 16 months ago she found a lump in one of her breasts. But out of fear and denial, she didn't tell anyone - her husband, her kids, sisters, me, other friends and coworker, or more importantly her doctor, for 4 months. There was some history of breast cancer in her family, and she got really scared, and because it had killed one of her aunts she thought there was nothing that could be done for her.

Last fall, after surgery and chemo, they discovered that it had spread into her liver. She died on Saturday.

Right now, her husband and kids are devastated. He's about 40, the kids are 15 and 16. I'm a cold-hearted, cynical atheist (who has just come from a Catholic funeral, and don't think I have enough alcohol in the house to purge that from my memory!). Death means nothing to me - it's just one of those things that happens to us all. But seeing those kids today - they were like zombies. And they made their dad look lucid. He was, rightly so, a wreck. I can't help but wonder what if...why didn't she just go to a doctor earlier...why didn't she tell someone who would have talked her into it...was her fear of what it was so bad that she couldn't accept it...

Talking about it over the last few days with others, we all know that it's wrong to blame her for anything, or to second guess her decisions. But we can't not wonder what would have happened if she had gone to a doctor earlier. Maybe nothing would be different, but all we know is it couldn't be worse.

So, to all the women in JC land, please take care of yourself. Someone loves you and will miss you dearly if you don't.

tippy · March-8th-2007, 07:05 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Dan. That is very sad. My mother is excessively private about her ills too. In my opinion, I think she views illness as a judgment and she has said before that she didn't want to upset the family or for anyone to worry about her and I also think like I said she doesn't want to be judged by others for her illness. That really is very sad about your friend but try not to judge her as someone fearful or scared - that may have been part of it - but she too may have thought as a caretaker that it wasn't okay for her to be sick and upset others. I think putting yourself as last place on the list of things to do - something that you never get to - is common in parents.

bluenoter · March-8th-2007, 07:48 PM

Gulp. Dan, I too am very sorry to hear about your loss. I know that the "moral" hits home for some of us.

Thanks for starting this thread. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't know when International Women's Day was, even though it's now on March 8 every year.

I last posted the following song lyrics over a year ago, in the "Betty Friedan - R.I.P." thread. Rather than link to them, I'd like to post them again today. The history of Bread and Roses campaigns and the history of International Women's Day are intertwined; both date back nearly 100 years.

Bread and Roses

Lyrics: John Oppenheim, 1912

(Inspired by a banner carried by women during the Lawrence, Mass., textile strike--
"We want bread and roses too.")

Tune: Adapted by Mimi Fariña, 1976

As we come marching marching,
in the beauty of the day
A million darkened kitchens, a thousand mill-lofts gray
Are touched by all the radiance
that a sudden sun discloses
For the people hear us singing
Bread and Roses, Bread and Roses

As we come marching marching, we battle too for men
For they are women's children
and we mother them again
Our lives shall not be sweated
from birth until life closes
Hearts starve as well as bodies,
give us bread but give us roses

As we come marching marching,
unnumbered women dead
Go crying through our singing
their ancient call for bread
Small art, or love, or beauty their drudging spirits knew
Yes, it is bread we fight for but we fight for roses too

As we come marching marching,
we bring the greater days
For the rising of the women
means the rising of the race
No more the drudge and idler,
ten that toil where one reposes
But the sharing of life's glories, bread and roses,
bread and roses

patricia · March-8th-2007, 07:55 PM

Thank you for reminding us, Dan.
Condolances on the loss of your friend.

Coincidently, a co-worker had surgery for breast cancer three weeks ago. She is very stoic about her prognosis, which her doctor says is good.
But, some years ago she had a brain tumor which was removed, found to be malignant and I think that she is just resigned to someday dying of cancer of some other part of her body.

She seems fine now, but I think that she is putting on a happy face for everybody.

But, I think that if we go to our doctors for our annual warranty checkup and they don't do the tests that are necessary for detecting cancer early, particularly cirvical and ovarian, we should remind them.

Ten years ago a close friend, who never went to the doctor unless she's really sick, was experiencing bad abdominal pain.

Her doctor, after doing a perfunctory exam and talking to her for a few minutes, decided that she was just suffering from stress and gave her medication for that.

A couple of months later she collapsed at our Christmas party and her husband took her to the ER.

Turned out that she had advanced ovarian cancer.

They operated, but it was too late.

It had spread and she died at thirty-eight, leaving two little kids without their mother.

Don't be afraid that your doctor will think you're a hypochondriac.

I go to the doctor about the same amount as my late friend did and I know that because of that, I have to make sure they check everything.

Do that ladies.

Gerardo A · March-8th-2007, 07:57 PM

Sorry to hear about your friend, Dan.

And my best wishes to all the women here (Lois, Rita, Tippy, Cookie, Jazzy Mary, June, Jazzoline, Patricia et al)! I sent cell text messages this morning to all the women in my address book. And bought sweets and pan dulce for my female co-workers. I meant to post about IWD earlier but got side-tracked.