2007 Darwin Awards

[Coda]

Eighth Place:
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when
he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place:
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
whileabout 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. As Ron White often says :
" You can't fix stupid." These people prove it is a terminal condition.

Third Place :
(My personal favorite!) The following mind-boggling attempt at a
crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and
last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his
terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leathe r & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with
a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in
the shop.The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt in the exchange of fire.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller , 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:
TACOMA , WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridgeat 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg
and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before
the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God was watching out
for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham 's
Foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER...BRACE YOURSELF.....
Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of
poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him."The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and
lay unconscious as the elep hant continued to evacuate his bowels on top
of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With
no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.
It Seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
"*expletive deleted* happens!

***
Note: A search of the Darwin Awards website does not show 2007 results. This is similar to the 'Best of 2007' music thread. I don't know the original source.

[Brian Olewnick]

I only checked the "winner". It's not only untrue, but the story appeared as far back as 1998.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp

[Nim Chimpsky]

8 out of the top 9 were Americans. That's quite an achievement!

[Brian Olewnick]

Here's a recent (April 2) update on the entire list. A few are true, most unconfirmable.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin06.asp

[Enforcer]

Originally Posted by Brian Olewnick

Here's a recent (April 2) update on the entire list. A few are true, most unconfirmable.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin06.asp

Yeah, I don't believe any of this shit until I check snopes, or one of the other, similar sites, first. When in doubt, I assume it's bullshit. Nobody ever tells the truth.

[larrycohen]

Originally Posted by Brian Olewnick

I only checked the "winner". It's not only untrue, but the story appeared as far back as 1998.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp

It doesn't have to be true. It's a good story anyway.

[crawjo]

Maybe Snopes just makes shit up too, throwing in a few footnotes to make it seem like they are legit.

[LennyH]

This one is absurd.

"Sixth Place:
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
whileabout 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital."

If they are going to make this shit up, they should at least stick to stuff that's somewhat believable.

[moneyp]

Originally Posted by LennyH

This one is absurd.

"Sixth Place:
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
whileabout 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital."

If they are going to make this shit up, they should at least stick to stuff that's somewhat believable.

That one actually happened.

[Gary Sisco]

Took heavy equipment to uncover five feet of loose sand?

Seems to me the Darwin award should go to the people trying to dig. How helpless would they have to be? duh?

[moneyp]

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

Took heavy equipment to uncover five feet of loose sand?

At the beach it's probably more like two feet of loose sand and three feet of mud.

When I was a kid, we dug a hole about five feet deep, had someone stand in it, and then filled it so they were buried up to their neck. They couldn't move a muscle and started panicking. It took us about a half an hour to get them out. Even after we freed his arms, he still couldn't lift himself out. His legs were pretty compacted in there.

[Gary Sisco]

What kind of machine did they need? A Tonka Toy? Fuckin' shovel's deeper than that. The guy dug it without heavy machinery, one guesses. So the sand is less compact than it was to begin with.

Darwin may've been right in this case. Too soon to tell, as the genetic material has yet to be accepted or rejected by evolution.

It does point out one of the evolutionary benefits of a draft, though. None of these people's genetic material would last long in the infantry if digging sand presents such a challenge.

[Enforcer]

Fixed.

Originally Posted by moneyp

At the beach it's probably more like two feet of loose sand and three feet of mud.

When I was a kid, we dug a hole about five feet deep, had someone stand in it, and then filled it so they were buried up to their neck. They couldn't move a muscle and started panicking. It took us about a half an hour to get them out. Even after we freed his arms, he still couldn't lift himself out. His legs were pretty compacted in there.

Granted, we were playing drinking games like quarter bounce and spin the bottle in between digging attempts. But still, I bet it would have taken a long time to dig him out even if we were hurrying.

[clinthopson]

Regardless of the quibbles - ROFLMFAO

[shrugs]

2008?


http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/06/28...ef=mpstoryview

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- A teenager died Saturday when he was decapitated at the Six Flags Over Georgia theme park outside Atlanta, authorities said.

The 17-year-old park visitor was killed after scaling two 6-foot fences around the Batman roller coaster, said a statement issued by park spokeswoman Hela Sheth. He was struck by the coaster and killed, she said.

"We do not know why this person was intent on gaining access to this restricted area," the statement said, noting that multiple signs are posted stating, "Danger Zone," "Do Not Enter" and "Authorized Personnel Only."

"Some witnesses have stated that the individual was trying to retrieve something he had lost," Sheth's statement said. "Others reported that he was trying to touch the ride. This is merely speculation at this point, and we are working with park visitors and local police to learn more."

No one on the ride was injured, she said.

Police said the incident occurred about 2 p.m.

The victim's family was at the park with him, Sheth said, and park representatives were with them Saturday evening.

"Our thoughts and prayers are with the family," she said.

[patricia]

Originally Posted by shrugs

2008?



"Our thoughts and prayers are with the family," she said.

That is exactly the phrase that the government uses when they announce yet another death of a soldier in Iraq or Afghanistan.
It has become meaningless.

But, what kind of idiot does that. MAN!

[shrugs]

Originally Posted by patricia

That is exactly the phrase that the government uses when they announce yet another death of a soldier in Iraq or Afghanistan.
It has become meaningless.

But, what kind of idiot does that. MAN!

gotta have faith.......

[Jazzzoline]

When I was young, one neighbour buried himself: he was shovelling a « tranchée » along the basement of his house (drain problem maybe) and he asked his wife a glass of water. When she came back, only his butt showed out from the ground.
They said he probably had a heart attack, fell in the hole and got covered.
I tell you: the whole neighbourhood heard her scream when she found him dead.


Another one that happened earlier this year to a guy I used to go to grammar school with (I was so quiet and was doing so good in school, teachers sat me among excited boys, here is what happened to one of them).

He grew up to become a garbage picker. Now, the garbage pickers are alone in their garbage truck. The driver’s wheel and throttle are on the right of the truck so it’s faster to go from house to house. So the guy gives some gas, he’s supposed to stop the truck with a hand break and get the garbage can. That guy, who wanted to make it even faster, would not stop the truck but let it go slowly so he could hop in the truck to the next house.
This year, there was more snow than usual. The guy was squeezed between the truck and the mountain of snow, slipped under the truck which rolled over him, crushing every bone of his chest.