My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)

Rob C · August-1st-2003, 05:32 PM

Best "science" fair ever!

http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

I have to admit, I'm curious to know what "Mousetrap Reduced To Pile Of Functionless Parts" (honorable mention, middle school level) is all about.

Brian Olewnick · August-1st-2003, 05:35 PM

"...physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets;"

At last! The truth is revealed!

Ron Thorne · August-1st-2003, 05:47 PM

1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"

Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

Cassidy Turnbull and
her uncle, Steve, who
is not a monkey according
to Cassidy's research.

Oh, I don't know Cassidy. I'm sure you love your uncle Steve, but darned if he doesn't look a lot like a specimen I saw recently at the Oregon Zoo in the primate exhibit. The main difference I noted is that your uncle is wearing clothes.

Squaredancecalling Steve · August-1st-2003, 06:15 PM

>>wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well<<

WOW!!!! normal workers??! and a conclusion only a robber baron would love!

tippy · August-1st-2003, 06:38 PM

Ron, maybe she meant "My Uncle is a monkey named Steve."

My monkey uncle could take Steve any day.

Dr Dave · August-1st-2003, 10:31 PM

Meanwhile, little whatsername here has proved that life doesn't come from the inanimate by putting carbon, water, and minerals into a jar and leaving them alone for three weeks. Creation science! There's nothing like it!

Rob C · August-2nd-2003, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dr Dave
Creation science! There's nothing like it!

Literally!

Ron Thorne · August-2nd-2003, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dr Dave
Meanwhile, little whatsername here has proved that life doesn't come from the inanimate by putting carbon, water, and minerals into a jar and leaving them alone for three weeks. Creation science! There's nothing like it!

Close, Doc. Actually, "little whatsername" actually installed a charcoal briquet (probably self-igniting), a vitamin w/ minerals and some water to see if life would be created by that combo. Brilliant. Ya know, them creationists are real smort-like.

Tanager · August-2nd-2003, 08:25 AM

I wish they'd had more of a description for this one:

"Thermodynamics Of Hell Fire" - Tom Williamson (grade 12)

Wow.

Jazzooo · August-2nd-2003, 10:58 AM

"Meanwhile, little whatsername here has proved that life doesn't come from the inanimate by putting carbon, water, and minerals into a jar and leaving them alone for three weeks. Creation science! There's nothing like it!"

It was even better than this--didn't she also pray to God not to fuck up her experiment? Talk about hedging your bets!

This must be what they mean by "Holy Crap."

steve(thelil) · August-2nd-2003, 11:10 AM

My neice is a duck named Cassidy.

ormsbop · August-2nd-2003, 11:31 AM

Very funny site. I hadn't laughed that hard in some time. Uh, you guys do realize this was not a real event but a satire- right?

steve(thelil) · August-2nd-2003, 12:29 PM

I stand by my probably incorrect spelling of neice.

Thank you.

Jazzooo · August-2nd-2003, 04:47 PM

"Very funny site. I hadn't laughed that hard in some time. Uh, you guys do realize this was not a real event but a satire- right?"

Why do you say that? I clicked on a few of the other links from the page, and they are deadly serious.

Chris Castelle · August-2nd-2003, 09:53 PM

The scary thing is that I actually can't tell whether it's a parody or not.

ormsbop · August-2nd-2003, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jazzooo
Why do you say that? I clicked on a few of the other links from the page, and they are deadly serious.

Heh. Yes, the links at the bottom are to real sites. And obviously you don't have to go far, if anywhere, to parody "creation-science" - it's already beyond self-parody. Some of the things on the real links are pretty funny and scary too. Probably more scary since they are real.

But trust me, "Objective" is a satirical site. I suspect from the same people who created the "Landover Baptist" site (hence their complete obsession with it). Also note, no address or phone number listed anywhere for "Fellowship Baptist church".

I guess you have to be a former fundie* like myself to discern some of the rather inside humor.

*(don't worry I'm essentially harmless, agnostically-inclined now)

claude · August-3rd-2003, 12:58 AM

I must say, this title at the high school level had me worried..

2nd Place: "Maximal Packing Of Rodentia Kinds: A Feasibility Study

cookie · August-3rd-2003, 02:03 AM

This website is for real. (Sorry, Ormsbop, I don't agree with you. If I'm wrong, that's cool. Just saying I think it's for real though I gotta admit I laughed like hell. I could very well be wrong) This is the sort of religious view I was raised with. While it made me laugh, it also scared the hell out of me. I was raised a Fundy and these people are for real. I was fed that stuff in church and bible school and bible camp. When I began to question the teachings of creationism, life in the church was impossible. There was no room for disagreement.

I could go on and on with Fundy horror stories. What killed me was that I knew right away that it was for real and before I read the page I told my husband that I had been taught that rocks bore human and dinosaur footprints together, that God made the world only a few short years ago but made it appear aged etc. Then I read down the page and lo and behold! There are creationscience "projects" that prove those things. The one about the low center of gravity on women made my blood boil. I was indeed taught that women should be at all times submissive to their parents, to their elders, to their husbands and to God himself. I was indeed taught that women were to serve men. Well, I'm uppity so that didn't fly with the Fundies.

Anyway, I repeat: this site is not a parody. There are actually people who think this way and I'm related to a few of 'em.

signed,
a recovering Fundy

cookie · August-3rd-2003, 02:12 AM

BTW: if this IS a parody, it's a damn spot-on excellent one. Like you said, creationscience is already pretty much a parody.

Still it makes me shiver. And laugh.

Ron Thorne · August-3rd-2003, 02:33 AM

The more I look at the site and consider the true intelligence exhibited by most fundamentalists, the more I agree that it's an extremely well-done paradoy, as is Landover Baptist Church.

Here's what pushed me over the edge ... from their online "store".

Ruby Matrimony Thong
$8.50

Zounds Abstinence Shorts
$13.50

cookie · August-3rd-2003, 03:24 AM

Okay. It's definitely a parody. I hadn't checked out the store.

Still, it's an unbelievably good parody.