Laugh-out-loud books

[kenny weir]

last night, for want of anything better to read, I picked up a slimmish paperback I was given for Christmas and then finished it during my lunch break today.

Don't Tell Mum I Work On The Rigs (She Thinks I'm A Piano Players In A Whorehouse) by Pom/Aussie Paul Carter.

Not much of a book, really, basically just a bunch of anecdotes thrown together, mostly based around his work on oil rigs in Oz, Saudi Arabia, Russia, North Sea, Borneo and elsewhere, many of the stories to do with drink and/or drugs. As well as an avidly masturbatory monkey addicted to both.

But geez there was some funny stuff in there - had me larfing out loud.

I'd read quite a few books like that in my time, but it's been a long while. I could do with more of that sort of grinning zest in my life. Couldn't we all?

So come on - tell me about the books that make you burst out with spontaneous laughter in public places, the kind that draw glares of irritation that you know are actually masking pure envy at your pleasure.

[Captain Hate]

Solomon Gursky Was Here by Mordecai Richler. I'd been a sucker for the late Richler's strange blend of Montreal Jewish humor in earlier works like Joshua Then and Now but he really takes it to the max in this improbable blend of tall tales in a weird chronology that had me giggling like an idiot in public.

[Tom Marcello]

[patricia]

The Specialist by Charles Sales.
This is not just slim, but downright anorexic, but it is quietly, seriously funny.

It's a fictional account of a man in a small town whose profession is building privies.
It's told in the first person and goes into intricate detail on every single finepoint.
How deep should the hole be?
Should the door swing in, or out?
Both a hook for the catalogue and a box for the more traditional corncobs?
How far from the house?
What sort of roof?
Anchor or not? [Affirmative. Hallowe'en always brings out those devilish neighbour boys. You could be in there and...]
Who knew that there were so many choices to consider??
This builder of privies could not be more proud of what he does and how he does it.

The book was published in the 1930s and has been out of print for decades, but I found one some years ago in the laundry room of a building in which I lived.
I would go do my laundry and read it, leaving it there, assuming it belonged to somebody.
It was never taken by whoever's book it was, so I liberated it after a few weeks.
A couple of years ago I sent it to a friend and he loved it as well, passing it on to his son.
It's about 4"x6", hard-covered and has a yellow cover.
It has a picture of a man in overalls and a cap, sitting proudly in front of one of his privies, on a tree-stump and he's smoking his pipe.

[guy]

Much of Israeli author Efraim Kishon's work is hysterical. (Though perhaps less so to non-Israelis.) I definitely cracked up numerous times reading The Family Book.

Guy

[sonic1]

Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

"One would have to have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing."

-- Oscar Wilde, on Dickens' "Old Curiosity Shop"



But I'm having a hard time coming up with comedy book that fills the bill. Recent books I've read that have had passages that made me laugh out loud include William Gaddis' "Agape Agape", Dorothy Parker's short stories and poems and Tom Stoppard's "Travesties", but they were all funny in parts only as incidental byproducts of a more serious work. I'll have to think about the last successful comedic novel or collection I read. Maybe one of Father Guido Sarducci's Laslo Toth, American books.

[Surfer]

The Man Who Wrote Dirty Books by Hal Dresner

[Surfer]

from The Man Who Wrote Dirty Books:

66 Lemming Lane
Sacasas 4, Ill.
29 October


Mr. "Guy La Douche"
c/o Scepter Books
P.O. Box 85388
New York City, N.Y.

Sir:

I trust it will come to you as no surprise to learn that my daughter, Barbara Victoria, is suing you in the amount of $100,000 for the crime of libel. My attorneys will be in contact with you to present the particulars, but I wish to take this opportunity to express my personal contempt and loathing.

Should you be as failing in memory as you are in all other qualities which distinguish man from the lower animals, I am referring to the vile passages on pages 104-138 of your book This Flogged Flesh, wherein you relate an alleged liaison between one Hartley Young and Dibbs. Were you only guilty of mentioning my daughters name in such context, I might be persuaded to dismiss the incident as coincidence. But your repeatedly exact and tasteless descriptions of her -- including a base allusion to a mark on a portion of her anatomy which my dignity as a father forbids me to mention -- display such an indisputable intent to malign as cannot go unpunished.

My attorneys inform me that if I so desire I may also take action for defamation against you on behalf of my late wife and myself for references to us (page 126) as "a dipsomaniac ex-manicurist" and a "deranged Naval officer." At this time, however, despite the fact that your biography indicates you are forty years my junior and I am partially incapacitated, I would perfer to take my satisfaction by horsewhipping you to your knees at the first opportunity.

The method by which you obtained private knowledge of my family is presently unknown to me. My daughter does not recall having encountered you under your present nom de plume. However, the events you evoke remind her of Jim or Jack Ferguson, whom she met at Cape Cod two summers ago, and/or Vince Delatorre, whose acquaintance she made in New Orleans in 1958. Whichever of these is your real name, or the name under which you were masquerading at the time, be assured that I shall find you out.

During my thirty-two years of military service I had many "literary persons" under my command. To a man I found them to be spineless, lazy, uncooperative drunkards with a marked disdain for anyone otherwise employed. Nevertheless, they did serve their country whereas I find no mention of military service in your biography.

I sincerely hope that the others who have suffered from your black pen will instigate legal and personal steps such as those which I anticipate with great relish. I wish them the greatest success.

Yours truly,

Lt. Commander E. B. Dibbs, USN (Ret.)

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

From: Lazlo Toth ...... May 16, 1974
To: Vice President Gerald Ford, Vice President of the United States
Dear Mr. Vice President Ford, I just read in the paper where someone tried to put LSD in your coffee in Chicago. Are you okay? I decided to write as soon as I heard about it. Are you still on it? Don't try to write back if you're still on it, your health is more important than my letter. I just hope there was no damage to your chromosomes! I bet the same people did it that tried to put LSD in the Chicago water system during the 1968 Democratic convention. Once they put LSD in Mayor Daley's minestrone when he was in San Francisco to accept the St. Francis of Assisi award from Mayor Alioto. Was he with you when it started to come on? I hope so, he'd know how to handle it! If it wasn't for Richard Daley, Hubert and Muriel would be in the White House today and you would be eating Swiss Steak at some Moose Hall in Michigan! Daley's handling of the convention scene got Nixon elected, you know that! Just because he's a Democrat doesn't mean he doesn't love our President! He does! He's as much a freedom loving patriot as you and our President, that's for sure! If our President ever decides that this country no longer deserves him and he wants to just go fishing and unwind then you would be President!&President Ford& they will call you! And if that happens I hope you won't forget Richard J. Daley when it comes time to name your new V.P. You also could name Agnew! A lot of people would respect you for giving him another chance! Or, you could let people vote. But that wouldn't be right. They didn't get to vote for you! Why spoil them! Keep standing up for Richard Nixon. He put you where you are! He ain't heavy, he's your President! Watch your weight!

****

From: Lazlo Toth ...... September 17, 1976
To: President, Timex Corporation
Dear Sir: I saw one of your commercials that showed a woman on the beach in Malibu, California with one of those ticking geiger-counter type things, and she found a watch buried in the sand. I lost a watch a number of years ago, and I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure it might be mine! I've never been in Malibu but I figure a strong current could have carried it down there. (My watch wasn't a Timex, but I figure you never know.) Could you please go through your lost and found box and see if it has the initials "LT" on it and also the inscription, "In case of accident call an ambulance." Thank you.
I also liked the one where the guy's dog swallowed the watch and he took it to the Vet and today it's still ticking. One question: How about the dog? Still ticking too? Keep it up!
P.S. Where can I get one of those geiger-counters? If you don't have my watch I might start looking for it myself. Can you do any harm to a dog if you go over it with one of those things? Any harmful rays? Also, how about cats?
To: Lazlo Toth ...... September 27, 1976
From: E. David Johnson, Mgr. Market Development-Service
Dear Mr. Toth: Thank you for your letter of September 17. We regret to advise we do not have a lost and found department. Metal detectors are available through hobby stores. Thank you for writing.

[mjb]

gets me every time I read it ...

[walto]

I thought Gish Jen's Mona in the Promised Land was pretty funny.

[Pete C]

Most books by Peter De Vries (except Blood of the Lamb, which is very sad)

Samuel Beckett - Molloy

Most S.J. Perelman

Bruce Jay Friedman - Stern

[Root Doctor]

"The Diaries of Auberon Waugh"

[Brian Olewnick]

Tom Sharpe's "Wilt" series, at least the first couple.

Some of Bill Bryson's stuff.

Woody Allen's "Without Feathers"

[Root Doctor]

[steve(thelil)]

Bryson's "In A Sunburned Country" was LOL funny. The one about US travel that has the chapter "Fat Girls from Des Moines" was also a riot. I forget what it was called.

David Sedaris's "Naked" is his funniest/best.

I agree with Pete on Bruce Jay Friedman's "Stern" (a semi-obscure oldie)

Richard Russo's "Straight Man" has it's moments.

I think I laughed alot at Tom Robbins' "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" and Vonnegut's "The Siren's of Titan"

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

[jostber]

[stonemonkts]

A Confederacy of Dunces

Hotel New Hampshire

Lucky Jim

London Fields

[Pete C]

Originally Posted by stonemonkts

Lucky Jim

Yes! Which also reminds me of David Lodge's Small World, which may only be LOL funny if you've experienced the academic conference circuit first-hand.

[Gentle Giant]

Originally Posted by Brian Olewnick

Woody Allen's "Without Feathers"

A-fucking-men!!!!


Humorous Quotes from Woody Allen's
Without Feathers

* Following are excerpts from the hitherto secret private journal of Woody Allen, which will be published posthumously or after his death, whichever comes first.
* Last evening I had the uneasy feeling that some men were trying to break into my room to shampoo me.
* Idea for story : A man awakens to find his parrot has been made Secretary of Agriculture.
* Why does a man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage.
* Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
* How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers". The thing with feathers has turned to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
* How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter.
* What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
* If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
* What is it about death that bothers me so much? Probably the hours.
* There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
* One by one, his old friends pay their respects, and he greets them with a handshake or a slap on the back, depending on which way they are facing.
* Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."
* To question the Lord's word is one of the worst things a person can do, particularly with the economy in the state it's in.
* The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
* He was shaking like the lead singer in a rumba band.
* There was a knock on my door. I opened it, and standing there was a young redhead who was packed into her slacks like two big scoops of vanilla ice cream.
* I turned and suddenly found myself standing face to face with business end of a .38
* Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable, with the possible exception of a moose singing "Embraceable You" in spats.
* Its (a tree's) glorious presence is mute testimony to an intelligence far greater than any on earth, certainly in the present administration.
* Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
* Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
* Civil liberties are greatly curtailed in a police state, and freedom of speech is unheard of, although one is allowed to mime to a record.
* It is well known that Mahatma Gandhi's insistence on eating his salads untossed shamed the British government into many concessions.
* The trick is to start at the ending when you write a play. Get a good strong ending and then write backwards.
* What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
* I think, therefore I am. Or better yet, I feel - I have an orgasm.
* The theater is for entertainment. There's an old saying, if you want to send a message, call Western Union.
* Astronomers talk of an inhabited planet named Quelm, so distant from earth that a man traveling at the speed of light would take six million years to get there, although they are planning a new express route that will cut two hours of the trip.
* He had been a precocious child. An intellectual. At twelve, he had translated the poems of T.S.Eliot into English, after some vandals had broken into the library and translated them into French.
* What's the world coming to when they have a bomb that can kill more people than one look at Max Rifkin's daughter?
* He emerged from the hotel and walked up Eight Avenue. Two men were mugging an elderly lady. My God, thought Weinstein, time was when one person could handle that job.
* Dr. Klein, his analyst, got him to see that jumping in front of a moving train was more hostile than self-destructive but in either case would ruin the crease in his pants.

[Gentle Giant]

Not intended to be laugh out loud funny, but it sure keeps a smile on your face.
An all-time favorite of mine:

[Chris D]

Of course, these are both out of print.

"Guys Like Us" By Tom Lorenz. Buddy Barnes has just turned 30. Feeling life closing in, he turns his back on trusting wife Jo to hang with his dissolute, Ornette-loving buddy on the softball fields of Chicago.

"Memories of a Non-Jewish Childhood" by Robert Byrne. Sort of a Catholic take on "Portnoy's Complaint" territory, set in Iowa during World War II. Tommy Shannon is an eight-grader with all kinds of issues, mainly puberty, that are dogging him.

[Root Doctor]

Originally Posted by Pete C

Yes! Which also reminds me of David Lodge's Small World, which may only be LOL funny if you've experienced the academic conference circuit first-hand.

Lodge's "Changing Places" and "Nice Work" are very funny, as well.

[Gary Sisco]

"Lucky Jim" also has the funniest hangover scene ever, when he wakes in his hosts' spare room to find he'd burned an enormous hole in the mattress after he'd passed out drunk with a cigarette the night before. A great scene. And clearly written by a man who's experienced the world of very serious hangovers.

[clinthopson]

Just about all the Janet Ivanovich Stephanie Plum books brings a lot of loud laughter.

Mixed with the weird characters and the environmentalism, Carl Hiassen can certainly evoke heavy chortling.

There are a lot of laughs in A.J. Liebling's work.

[Root Doctor]

[Gentle Giant]

One of the few books that can both make me laugh and make me horny.

[saltwatersnow]

i will ass irvine welsh, bret eatson ellis, at times david foster wallace

[Jimmy Cantiello]

I have to admit, the Old Testament has a bunch of hilarious passages.