Bush Jokes

[Gary Sisco]

President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw all of their asses out the window and make 56 million people very happy."

[graypencil]

Israeli leader Ehoud Olmert comes to Washington for meetings with George W. For the State Dinner, Laura Bush decides to bring in a special Kosher Chef and have a truly Jewish meal prepared in honor of their guest.

At the dinner that night, the first course is served and it is
Matzoh Ball Soup.

George W. looks at this and, after learning what it is called,
he tells an aide that he can't eat such a gross and strange-looking brew.

The aide says that Mr. Olmert will be insulted if he doesn't at
least taste it.

Not wanting to cause any trouble (after all he ate a sheep's eye in honour of his Arab guests), George W gingerly lowers his spoon into the bowl and retrieves a piece of matzoh ball and some broth. He hesitates, swallows, and a grin appears on his face. He finds he really likes it, digs right in, and finishes the whole bowl.

"That was delicious," he says to Olmert. "Do the Jews eat any other part of the matzoh, or just the balls?"

[GoodSpeak]

The Pope, a star soccer player, George Bush and a little boy are on a plane.

Suddenly, as they are bailing out, the pilot and co-pilot announce that the plane is in flames and is going down and every man for himself.

The four passengers look at each other and notice there are only three parachutes. The soccer player declares, "I am the league leader in goals, my team needs me!" And quickly takes one of the parachutes and bails out of the plane.

While that was happening, George Bush makes his way to the opened door to the plane and shouts, "I am the smartest man in the world and leader of the United States....my country needs me!" Then dives out of the burning plane.

The Pope turns to the little boy and says, " I am an old man and have lived a good life, you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You take the last parachute, my son."

The little boy thinks for a moment the says, "Don't worry, the smartest man in the world just jumped with my backpack."

[Ron Thorne]

George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains "I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me."

Cheney, feeling sorry for his "boss," says "Oh, they're only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," says Cheney.The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.

Cheney looks at Bush and says, "See! This guy is really stupid."

George Bush agrees. "He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

[Monte Smith]

Originally Posted by GoodSpeak

The Pope, a star soccer player, George Bush and a little boy are on a plane.

Suddenly, as they are bailing out, the pilot and co-pilot announce that the plane is in flames and is going down and every man for himself.

The four passengers look at each other and notice there are only three parachutes. The soccer player declares, "I am the league leader in goals, my team needs me!" And quickly takes one of the parachutes and bails out of the plane.

While that was happening, George Bush makes his way to the opened door to the plane and shouts, "I am the smartest man in the world and leader of the United States....my country needs me!" Then dives out of the burning plane.

The Pope turns to the little boy and says, " I am an old man and have lived a good life, you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You take the last parachute, my son."

The little boy thinks for a moment the says, "Don't worry, the smartest man in the world just jumped with my backpack."

That one used to be told when I was in 4th grade, only it was a "Jesse Jackson, World's Smartest Black Man" joke. But then, these are Polish jokes, aka Irish jokes, and they are universally applicable.

MY favorite Bush joke, and I have posted it twice on this board, is the Brazilian joke.

Cheney enters the Oval Office. Bush says, "Hey Dick! What's the latest news from Liberated Iraq?" Cheney says, "It's not good, Mr President. Elements associated with al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia attacked an international relief agency in a horrific suicide bombing. Ten Americans were injured and a Brazilian was killed." "Oh my God!" says the President, his head sinking to his desk. "How many are in a Brazilian?"

[guy]

This one actually happened:

Q: And the deadline for the Kosovo independence --

BUSH: What? Say that again?

Q Deadline for the Kosovo independence?

BUSH: A decline?

Q Deadline, deadline.

BUSH: Deadline. Beg your pardon. My English isn't very good. (laughter)

[GoodSpeak]

[GoodSpeak]