Is Anal Bleaching for You?

[Monte Smith]

A friend of mine, evidently a Marie Claire reader, just hipped me to this phenomenon. And to think I've wasted all these years brushing and flossing when there was a simple cosmetic shortcut. Read below for even more helpful hints.


Is Anal Bleaching for You?
By Ali Wentworth
Marie Claire magazine

I was in L.A. recently with a group of friends, devouring pommes frites and red wine, when someone blurted out, "You know, Suzanne had this horrible reaction when she had her anus bleached and had to go to the emergency room." Yes, I know, I'm speechless, too (mostly because my mother-in-law will read this). I assumed this ritual was for dealing with a parasite. But no, Suzanne was given the treatment as a gift from the movie star who employed her. Me? I'm good with a facial, thank you very much.



Apparently, plenty of women want to go past the now-ordinary breast enhancement and pubic electrolysis to a place few have heretofore dared to go in the name of beauty. Much to my ignorance, bleaching one's anus (I guess to bring it back to its budlike, puckish pink) has become an obsession far beyond the young jet set and the detail-oriented gay community. These days, anal-bleaching creams can be purchased as easily as cough drops. Let's see ... next Mother's Day, should I go with the balloon bouquet or a gift certificate for total rectal beauty?

There's more. Turns out Botox has come a long way since giving you a frozen face and eye sockets that look like they were hollowed out with a melon baller. Now you can Botox your bum. Why exercise if you can simply inject poison into your cellulite? The only downside is your butt won't be able to really express itself anymore.

Our fixation on youth has reached new lows. Thanks to Brazilian waxes, everything is exposed and scrutinized. Back in the '70s, liberated women used to squat over hand mirrors and have a look at their nether regions; these days they bring photos of porn stars to their plastic surgeons and say, "Make me look like this."

"Vaginal rejuvenation" is now a fixture on the Web (I was looking at hybrid cars). Vaginal plastic surgery is a fast-growing specialty. Labia too big, not symmetrical, or just not pretty? Thankfully, for $3,000 to $7,000, you can tweak them, plump them, or remake them (just be prepared to lie in bed with a bag of frozen peas on your crotch for several days after). You can also get a twofer called the "Toronto Trim," which involves the reduction of the labia and slight unhooding of the clitoris. I can't tell if this is about aesthetics or women fed up with partners who are unable to find it.

Then there is the "new virginity" treatment called hymenoplasty, in demand by some women in Islamic cultures for whom virginity is more precious than oil. American women of all faiths are now flocking to the procedure and giving their men something different from the usual DVD or cashmere sweater. I wonder, does the gift of hymen come with a renewed naivete and shyness? Is part of the game the woman's pretending that it really is the first time? (Will she cry, like I did?)

G-spot enhancement is also taking off; apparently, you can expand and sensitize the area by injecting it with hyaluronic acid or collagen. The payoff? A constant state of arousal lasting between three and six months. Imagine the happy soccer moms not screaming at you in the parking lot for once.

Of course, if "pelvic relaxation" is your problem, there's now laser surgery to tighten and reconstruct vaginal muscles — in other words, a "puss-lift." If science has found a way to turn an outie belly button into an innie, why not relocate your genitals? Hell, why not just put them on your head?

With the country at war and global tension near the breaking point, it's a great time to have your nipples enlarged, tattoo a new lipline, and fix those imperfect labia, damn it. The good news is, you can also hire a "mummysitter" — a woman who comes and cares for you after your procedures. She'll heat up the Lean Cuisine, bring home the Sex and the City box set, and change the nasty gauze. Yes, you'll be in extreme pain, but thanks to your enhanced G-spot, you'll be grinning all the way!

Find this article at: http://www.marieclaire.com/life/sex/...anal-bleaching

[GoodSpeak]

OK.



That is just plain weird.

[Jazzzoline]

If not pink, what other color does their anus turned?

[GoodSpeak]

Ya know....



There's a joke there, but [sorry] I don't want to put myself in a hole [sorry again!].

[gonzo]

on the howard stern show on E a trashy porn star allowed the gang to apply the bleaching cream to her anus.

[Gary Sisco]

Well, we can't call it navel gazing anymore.

[Monte Smith]

Rather than maintain the beauty of my existing anus, when this one starts to show wear and, God help me, tear, I think I'll have a new one put in. Sure, probably costs a heap, but there's just something about that new anus smell.

[Gary Sisco]

You'll likely face a long line to wait in. So, hope they tell people to spread 'em once inside, rather than while in line.

[Monte Smith]

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

You'll likely face a long line to wait in. So, hope they tell people to spread 'em once inside, rather than while in line.

"Spread 'em."
They said, "spread 'em."
And my heart beat so that I could hardly speak.
And I seem to find the asshole that I seek.
When I bleach that sucker once or twice a week.

[Gentle Giant]

All labia are perfect.

[walto]

I don't even bleach my underwear.

[Gary Sisco]

Yeah, sure.

[tippy]

What a complicated world we live in. So how much do you tip these aestheticians I wonder? Monte, did your friend mention anything about anal cornrows?

[Gary Sisco]

Well, I guess with plumber's butt having become a generalized fashion statement, ass bleaching was inevitable.

Just make sure you use a good razor, also, and a quality blade.

Yikes.

[Cem]

Originally Posted by tippy

What a complicated world we live in. So how much do you tip these aestheticians I wonder? Monte, did your friend mention anything about anal cornrows?

lol

"I'm just anal about my cornrows
My anal cornrows are sad about me"

[tippy]

when I go in, I ask for the Senor Wences

[clinthopson]

Ah, the visions of a culo blanco will haunt me for day.

[rollhead]

Being a regular reader of Crapper's Quarterly, I have been a aware of this trend for a while.

I would ask you guys to chip in for an asshole detail job for me, but it could be expensive, requiring, as it were, a total-body bleach. "Don't forget behind the ears!"

[Brian Olewnick]

Is no one concerned about the racist nature of this thread? The lighter the sphincter the better? Yeah, right.

[blawless]

I'm not really concerned, no. Many white people of my acquaintance could use a strong disinfectant down there.

[Brian Olewnick]

That's how they draw you in, utilizing the dual properties of the bleach. Sure, there are those (I count myself among them) who could greatly benefit from a degree of de-odorizing sterilization in the anal area. But with the cleansing comes the whitening, never forget. Would you have us raise generation after generation of children ashamed of their russet, plum and midnight brown sphincters?

Would you?

[Gary Sisco]

They might could spend more time bleaching their hands than worrying about bleaching their anuses, seems like.

One of the things Bronwyn does that makes her such a "demanding and controlling" homehealth patient that two agencies have illegally discharged (only one successfully) is insist that people wash their hands whenever necessary during her care. That's viewed as a bad thing by licensed health-care professionals, strange but true:

hands: study
Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:49pm EDT
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CHICAGO (Reuters) - Americans' hands are getting dirtier, U.S. researchers said on Monday.

They said 77 percent of more than 6,000 men and women washed their hands in public restrooms -- a 6 percent decline compared with a similar study in 2005.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, handwashing in the single-most important prevention step for reducing disease transmission.

In a telephone survey, 92 percent of adults said they wash their hands in public conveniences, according to the study done by the American Society for Microbiology and The Soap and Detergent Association.

But the study, which also conducted research at public restrooms, showed people's actions were not always matching their claims.

Men were the biggest offenders, with just 66 percent of men seen washing their hands in public bathrooms, compared with 88 percent of the women, according to study presented at the Interscience Conference on Antimicrobial Agents and Chemotherapy meeting in Chicago.

"Very clearly, guys need to step up to the sink," said Brian Sansoni, a spokesman for the soap industry group, told reporters. "One third of guys weren't washing their hands in public restrooms. That's gross."

Researchers staked out restrooms at different types of venues in four U.S. cities: Chicago's Shedd Aquarium and the Museum of Science and Industry, Atlanta's Turner Field, New York's Grand Central Station and Penn Station and San Francisco's Ferry Terminal Farmer's Market.

Men's hygiene was worst at Atlanta's Turner Field, where just 57 percent of men were observed washing their hands after using the toilet at the baseball venue. But 95 percent of women there washed their hands, the highest percentage observed in the study.

Chicago was the city with the cleanest hands overall. New York was the second-cleanest, Atlanta came in third, and then San Francisco.

While handwashing trends in public toilets appear to be on the decline, the more than 1,000 men and women surveyed by telephone in the study reported virtually no change in their habits.

The researchers could not account for why people appear to be washing their hands less in public bathrooms. And they admitted that because the research was done in different venues, it was not scientifically valid.

But they said the trend is troubling.

"Fifteen to 20 seconds of friction and soap and water will remove so many germs from your hands and help with your wellbeing. That is a marvelous intervention that will work all over the world," Judy Daly, director of the Microbiology Laboratories at the Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, told reporters.



© Reuters2007All rights reserved

[tippy]

For example, as you can see from the swatches below, no amount of bleach is going to turn a "carrot stick" into a "pink blossom" so do be realistic.

[Brian Olewnick]

How anyone could resist a Candied Yam anus is beyond me.

[Monte Smith]

Originally Posted by Brian Olewnick

Would you have us raise generation after generation of children ashamed of their russet, plum and midnight brown sphincters?

A beautiful sentiment, I am sure, Mr Olewnick. And I'm all for equality within decent bounds. But for my money, if one's asshole doesn't gleam like burnished steel or glow like an incandescent bulb, then one is a degenerate.

[steve(thelil)]

Anal bleaching is a totally disgusting concept. Those in the know much prefer NEW Tide with Bleach Alternative

[Gary Sisco]

Seems like some cities don't want your ass hanging out, bleached or not:

Cities crack down on sagging pants
Cities begin to belt wearers of saggy pants — but do laws violate rights?
The Associated Press
Updated: 5:07 a.m. ET Sept 17, 2007
TRENTON, N.J. - It's a fashion that started in prison, and now the saggy pants craze has come full circle — low-slung street strutting in some cities may soon mean run-ins with the law, including a stint in jail.

Proposals to ban saggy pants are starting to ride up in several places. At the extreme end, wearing pants low enough to show boxers or bare buttocks in one small Louisiana town means six months in jail and a $500 fine. A crackdown also is being pushed in Atlanta. And in Trenton, getting caught with your pants down may soon result in not only a fine, but a city worker assessing where your life is headed.

"Are they employed? Do they have a high school diploma? It's a wonderful way to redirect at that point," said Trenton Councilwoman Annette Lartigue, who is drafting a law to outlaw saggy pants. "The message is clear: We don't want to see your backside."

The bare-your-britches fashion is believed to have started in prisons, where inmates aren't given belts with their baggy uniform pants to prevent hangings and beatings. By the late ’80s, the trend had made it to gangster rap videos, then went on to skateboarders in the suburbs and high school hallways.

"For young people, it's a form of rebellion and identity," Adrian "Easy A.D." Harris, 43, a founding member of the Bronx's legendary rap group Cold Crush Brothers. "The young people think it's fashionable. They don't think it's negative."

But for those who want to stop them see it as an indecent, sloppy trend that is a bad influence on children.

"It has the potential to catch on with elementary school kids, and we want to stop it before it gets there," said C.T. Martin, an Atlanta councilman. "Teachers have raised questions about what a distraction it is."

In Atlanta, a law has been introduced to ban sagging and punishment could include small fines or community work — but no jail time, Martin said.

The penalty is stiffer in Delcambre, La., where in June the town council passed an ordinance that carries a fine of up to $500 or six months in jail for exposing underwear in public. Several other municipalities and parish governments in Louisiana have enacted similar laws in recent months.

At Trenton hip-hop clothing store Razor Sharp Clothing Shop 4 Ballers, shopper Mark Wise, 30, said his jeans sag for practical reasons.

"The reason I don't wear tight pants is because it's easier to get money out of my pocket this way," Wise said. "It's just more comfortable."


Shop owner Mack Murray said Trenton's proposed ordinance unfairly targets blacks.

"Are they going to go after construction workers and plumbers, because their pants sag, too?" Murray asked. "They're stereotyping us."

The American Civil Liberties Union agrees.

"In Atlanta, we see this as racial profiling," said Benetta Standly, statewide organizer for the American Civil Liberties Union of Georgia. "It's going to target African-American male youths. There's a fear with people associating the way you dress with crimes being committed."

© 2007 The Associated Press.

[Gary Sisco]

Eddie Murphy could remake his colon-cleansing scene and get a hole (ahem) new skit out of it.

"I'm going to get *my* anus bleached."

[Brian Olewnick]

Originally Posted by Monte Smith

A beautiful sentiment, I am sure, Mr Olewnick. And I'm all for equality within decent bounds. But for my money, if one's asshole doesn't gleam like burnished steel or glow like an incandescent bulb, then one is a degenerate.

Elitist scum!

[Monte Smith]

Originally Posted by Brian Olewnick

Elitist scum!

Say what you will, but the sun shines out of my behind.