Stupid Sh-, er....Stuff We Have Done

[GoodSpeak]

Back when I was an angry young man, I had just broken up with a long-time girlfriend [the not-so-nice person, er....sorry] and took off down a foothill road around 1AM and pushed my [4-speed] car red lining every gear to 100+ mph. I was just plain pissed.

Shouting at the wind and gritting my teeth in a white hot rage, I had the pedal to the metal. I didn't give a good god damn if the engine blew. After a few minutes, I passed the only car for miles and saw in my headlights the colors black-white-black.


It was a cop.


Next thing I saw was red and blue lights in my rear view mirror.....and I knew I was had. I pulled over, still seething with righteous rage. Without thinking, I immediately got out of the car and reached back for my wallet.

Then it happened.


The two plain clothes cops in the patrol car dropped down behind their opened doors and drew their guns, .45 semi-automatics, aimed directly at my head. They ordered me to drop my gun [it was my wallet] and place my hands on top of the car.


I was scared spitless.


They approached me, frisked my sorry ass and told me to sit on the curb.



After what seemed like an eternity, they came back to me and said I was free to go. Apparently, there had been a robbery in the area and they thought I was their guy. BUT, they said, if they had been in uniform and on patrol....my sorry angry ass would be in cuffs and headed to the county jail with my car impounded.




My pride in tatters and my heart broken into pieces, I drove 25 mph the rest of the way back home....got into bed and stayed in the fetal position until the morning came.

[GoodSpeak]

You?



Share your story here.




TimMc

[stonemonkts]

I could start a website dedicated to the stupid reckless careless shit I've done, with long threads for each year starting in 1963, when I punched my fist through a plate glass window at age 5.

No wait, it would start in 1962, when I ironed my hand.

That's all I'll say on the subject.

[jesus marion joseph]

I once decided to move the CD changer in the turnk of my car from its position on the underside of the parcel shelf to the side of the trunk. I spent a couple of hours, even made a cardboard template to make sure everything was just so. Then I started drilling holes for the mounting screws, and when I had drilled the third hole I was very puzzled by sunlight coming through one of the holes. I climbed out of the trunk and looked at the quarter panel and, sure enough, I had drilled all the way through from the inside!

I told the body shop guy that my nephew did it, trying to help me out. He bought it.

[Gary Sisco]

I had too many run-ins with cops to count, but not for driving madly. Mainly for BWH (Breathing While a Hipster).

Dumbest thing I've ever done: Smoking cigarettes for all those years.

Second dumbest: Moving back to the (adopted) old hometown with Bronwyn nine years ago. The man was right: You can't go home again.

[Milstead]

Jeanette. Unprotected. Just once.

Almost twenty years later and I still consider myself lucky to be alive and free of disease.

If you knew Jeanette you would agree.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by Mike Schwartz

"[the fucking BITCH, er....sorry]"

You are a creepy SOB Goody............not the enlightened Democrat and squeeky kleen whatever_it_is you pretend to be.

If I had a daughter and you were her teacher, we'd have problems.

Assuming you have girls in your classes, they couldn't be in a worse situation, having you in the same classroom.

How dare you make that kind of a reference to females on a public board.

'er....sorry' doesn't cut it, you sick SHIT.

Whatever, Mike.

For the record....I was 19 years old. That would be 33 years ago. I've changed some since then.


And, if you will further note, the title of the thread is Stupid Sh-, er....Stuff We Have Done. I fully cop to that and what I did, said and how I reacted was, in fact, plenty stupid. The language I used was to set the mood I was in at the time and it is hardly comparable to who I am now or how I deal with my students or anyone else for that matter as a 52 year-old responsible adult.




I would further argue that your post #4 would qualify as a good example.

[jazzy mary]

Goodspeak, Mike was referring to your use of referring to your ex girlfriend as a "f**cking B**ch". I agree with him. You misogyny has shown through here a few times, this being the latest.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by jazzy mary

Goodspeak, Mike was referring to your use of referring to your ex girlfriend as a "f**cking B**ch". I agree with him. You misogyny has shown through here a few times, this being the latest.

Once again for clarity: I was using the words which would best describe my mind set at the time it happened.

If it will make you feel better I will remove, under protest, the offending words. Written expression is simply that and it is quite a stretch to accuse anyone of misogyny based upon that.


I am married to a wonderful woman, my Soul Mate, and I have a precious daughter whom I love dearly. So maybe you need to meet me before making any unfounded accusations. I dare say, much could be said about you as well that may not be true.

[Dan G]

Like stonemonkts, I wouldn't even know where to start. I'd first have to break it down into categories though, such as those that ended: with me in the hospital; with me in police custody; with someone else in the hospital; at gunpoint/knifepoint; with me moving to another city very quickly.

Then there would have to be another huge section of things I've been told I did, but due to drug/alcohol consumption have no memory of.

There's along period of my life when pretty much every third day would fit into one of those caterogies.

[clinthopson]

Wait, a minute are you saying that there aren't any "bitches" out there? I've known a few over the years that would qualify for that pejorative. Just as we've known guys who would be classified as "assholes."

They are out there.

Now whether they qualify for the modifying adjective depends on whether or not they are indulging in the horizontal mambo.

The stupidest thing I've ever done was filling my kitchen with GE appliances in the late 80s because I thought they made quality products.

The closest thing to me being arrested was when I ran across rice paddies in Okinawa in 1954 to avoid being busted by MPs for being where I shouldn't have been.

[Noj]

My most embarrassing moments can still make me turn red many years later.

Spilled Hot Wheel Cars all over the floor during one of my brother's high school basketball games.

Did a break dancing show at half time of one of my brother's high school basketball games.

Did a break dancing show for my family during Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's house and at one point clapped, then farted really loud right on beat. I kid you not.

Quoting a cartoon, I told my Aunt one Thanksgiving, "Dorothy, I can't eat this slop."

Three speeding tickets inside a single calendar year.

Playing a pickup bball game with some strangers and their ball, I got mad and kicked their ball about 75 yards, over a building. Still another time, I kicked a basketball about 100 feet in the air and had it dent the roof of my neighbor's truck--in front of a bunch of family and friends.

These are the funny ones, there's more which are far worse.

[Gentle Giant]

As an adult, I've done irresponsible stuff, but the truly stupid things I did as a kid. Here's a couple.

1. In the days before plastic squeezable ketchup bottles, I was having a particularly tough time with a newly opened bottle of Heinz. No matter how hard I smacked the thing, I couldn't get a drop. So, like an idiot, I held it upside down over my eye so I could see if it was moving at all. Sure enough, a glob fell right onto my eyeball. Tomatoes are acidic enough, add the vinegar and salt to the concoction and that burned like a sumbitch. And it's hard to rinse your eyeball effectively when your whole family are laughing their asses off at me.

2a. My friends and I went through a firecracker phase. We were up in the woods, setting them off one day. I tied 10 of them together, put them on a stump and lit them up. I counted nine pops. Figuring the 10th was a dud, I went right up to it and started poking at it with a short stick. Sure enough, it went off. I couldn't hear anything out of my left ear for several hours. On the way home, I was trying to think of strategies to ensure that my parents wouldn't find out I was deaf in one ear.

2a. Another time lighting firecrackers in the woods, our noise was overheard by a retarded kid who lived on my street. He had a terrible stutter and he thought the pops were gunshots. So he called the police and stammered, "G-g-g-g-gun-sh-sh-shots!" The cops thought the kid had been shot. As we returned from the woods, we saw a bunch of police cars and an ambulance. And we smelled of gunpowder. Suffice to say, we got into some trouble for that.

[stonemonkts]

I'll be tossing tidbits into this thread for years.

Here's a good one.

My first time sampling sushi many years ago in a nice restaurant. I'm really enjoying it, when I spot this green blob on the dish and in one swift motion I inhale the blob.

I thought I was going to die.

Yeah, it was a dollop of wasabi.

[RBS]

Downing 18 shots and 3 beers in 45 minutes on my 21st birthday. Surprised I'm still here to talk about it.

I was drunk for two days. I weighed 145 at the time.

PS I doubt there's anyone here who hasn't thought negatively about someone they broke up when they were going through it. From where I am, I could tell Goody was just speaking rhetorically. I'd say give 'em a break.

[Jimmy Cantiello]

Originally Posted by stonemonkts

I'll be tossing tidbits into this thread for years.

Here's a good one.

My first time sampling sushi many years ago in a nice restaurant. I'm really enjoying it, when I spot this green blob on the dish and in one swift motion I inhale the blob.

I thought I was going to die.

Yeah, it was a dollop of wasabi.

That's hilarious. I did the exact same thing many years ago. The guy at the table next to me couldn't stop laughing. I felt like beating the shit out of him.

Other than that I've led an exemplary life and never did anything to embarass my family, my country or myself. I was, and always have been, a pillar of the community. Yeah, right.

[Noj]

With one of my first girlfriends I was standing behind her hugging her poolside, and got a woody in my trunks. Several of my friends noticed before I could jump in the pool to hide it, and were in tears laughing.

[jaka]

Many ski-related stupid ideas that all ended quite well considering the average danger involved.
But the dumbest of the dumbest were certainly car races, summer or winter, also in the alps where we used to ski... Almost went for the great jump quite a few times when discovering that your standard 4-wheel drive car (even with a little more than average engine) does have crappy brakes and nothing resembling an engine brake.

Oh, and what Gary says about cigarettes.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by clinthopson

Wait, a minute are you saying that there aren't any "bitches" out there? I've known a few over the years that would qualify for that pejorative. Just as we've known guys who would be classified as "assholes."

They are out there.

If they are we apparently are not allowed to identify them as such.

There seems to be a rather hypocritical dichotomy at work here relative to which gender can be denigrated by a given writer with specific knowledge of said description relative to an individual and very specific member of that particular gender.

Originally Posted by clinthopson

Now whether they qualify for the modifying adjective depends on whether or not they are indulging in the horizontal mambo.

In this case, she did....and with another guy. Personally, it is my humble opinion the original description was more than apropos.



I sure hope that doesn't offend anyone.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by RBS

PS I doubt there's anyone here who hasn't thought negatively about someone they broke up when they were going through it. From where I am, I could tell Goody was just speaking rhetorically. I'd say give 'em a break.

Thanks, RBS.

[Mike Schwartz]

Originally Posted by jazzy mary

Goodspeak, Mike was referring to your use of referring to your ex girlfriend as a "f**cking B**ch". I agree with him. You misogyny has shown through here a few times, this being the latest.

That's exaxctly what I mean.

Now that I see the edits have been made my comments will now be deleted.

[Ron Thorne]

Originally Posted by GoodSpeak

There seems to be a rather hypocritical dichotomy at work here relative to which gender can be denigrated by a given writer with specific knowledge of said description relative to an individual and very specific member of that particular gender.

That pretty well sums it up for me.

[Gary Sisco]

Into my 30s, if a cop was behind me, I just assumed the lights were going to come on. And they almost always did. If I passed one parked, he'd almost always pull out and get behind me, and on would come the lights.

There'd be no point in calling it paranoia because it was almost always the case.

[jesus marion joseph]

Originally Posted by GoodSpeak

There seems to be a rather hypocritical dichotomy at work here relative to which gender can be denigrated by a given writer with specific knowledge of said description relative to an individual and very specific member of that particular gender.

Goody, I may have to use this line in court sometime, when I'm at a loss for anything positive to say about a defendant! I love it!!

[jesus marion joseph]

When I was a senior in high school I went to a keg party out in the woods behind a buddy's house. The next day I went with a couple other friends to help sand down the hull of a wooden fishing boat. As the day progressed, my eyes and face got itchier and itchier. I thought it was from all the wood particles being sanded off and paid little attention. Then when I took a piss I noticed that my pecker was kind of itchy, too. By the end of the afternoon it became rather apparent that I had sat in a poison ivy patch the night before, at the keg party, and touched my face and pecker (for utilitarian purposes only), causing one of the most uncomfortable episodes of poison ivy I can ever recall.

[Mike Schwartz]

Originally Posted by GoodSpeak

There seems to be a rather hypocritical dichotomy at work here relative to which gender can be denigrated by a given writer with specific knowledge of said description relative to an individual and very specific member of that particular gender.

No amount of perfume is going to make that shit you put up smell any better.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by jesus marion joseph

Goody, I may have to use this line in court sometime, when I'm at a loss for anything positive to say about a defendant! I love it!!

I am told I have a way with words....thanks, JMJ.

[jesus marion joseph]

At that same keg party a girl I knew got seriously shitfaced and passed out. Me and another buddy decided to put her in her car for safekeeping, so we could rejoin the party. We got her out to the road, and realized her car wasn't there, and we didn't know who she had come to the party with, so we threw her into the first car with unlocked doors. Just so happened this car belonged to another friend of ours, and it was a fully restored Datsun 240Z. When he came back to his car he found this drunk chick in his passenger seat and puke all over the center console of the car. We never fessed up that we had put her in there. Boy, was he pissed off.

[tippy]

Originally Posted by Noj

My most embarrassing moments can still make me turn red many years later.

Spilled Hot Wheel Cars all over the floor during one of my brother's high school basketball games.

Did a break dancing show at half time of one of my brother's high school basketball games.

Did a break dancing show for my family during Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's house and at one point clapped, then farted really loud right on beat. I kid you not.

Quoting a cartoon, I told my Aunt one Thanksgiving, "Dorothy, I can't eat this slop."

Three speeding tickets inside a single calendar year.

Playing a pickup bball game with some strangers and their ball, I got mad and kicked their ball about 75 yards, over a building. Still another time, I kicked a basketball about 100 feet in the air and had it dent the roof of my neighbor's truck--in front of a bunch of family and friends.

These are the funny ones, there's more which are far worse.

Nojman, you are hilarious and I totally want you to date my sister.




Trying to climb Mt. Olympus (Wasatch Front, Salt Lake City, Utah) one day just before the start of 6th grade when my friend Jana came over to my house without telling anyone where we were going. It is hard to see in this picture but at the bottom of the picture, left of center just above the shadows is a yellow(er) triangle, like an arrowhead, that is what looms in front of my parents' home and we thought the top of that (which was as far as our eye could see) was Mt. Olympus. So we trekked up, crossed 2-lane highway (Wasatch Blvd.) that hugs the mountain, got to the "top" without too much terrible effort, steepish but passable and we were both athletic, and saw that the top wasn't the top. So we decided to keep going on to the next "top." Now if you look at the photo like stacked triangles, we made it to the top of the second larger triangle which peaks about 1/3 of the way up the photo (vertical) directly below the right craggy apex (if you count 2 apexes). So we get there and realize "no way, we aren't there yet" and by the time it's late afternoon, we've had a run in with an antelope herd, had to climb sloping rocks and we saw there was a lot more rock to deal with than we had thus far - PLUS the next peaks were far away more horizontally in the distance - we've been climbing mostly upward 'til now. Anyway, we're over this adventure and just want to get home ASAP and we don't have the same daylight hours left to get to down the mountain as it took getting up, so we like make a straight beeline down through/under the deer brush and we are scratched, torn and a little tearful by the time we get home to all parents waiting anxiously in our driveway - it is now dark, but still evening (7-8 is my guess) - moments before they are about to call the police. Jana's mother never let her come over to our house again.

'nother dumb thing was when I was in San Francisco, 20s now no excuses for my stupidity, we had run completely out of weed (c'mon, you know how it is) and my friend Alan tells me about how people in prison get high on nutmeg. I open the cupboard and voila! Nutmeg, a new little short bottle of the spice (not the the tall boys) so we split this bottle between the two of us and wait. We end up being high in a rather terrible, hallucenogenic and stomach churning way for the next 48 hours (it would come in strange waves like an off/on switch almost - time released high) which included my having to make an emergency run to Alan's apartment in the middle of the night because he was pretty sure he was dying.

[Gerardo A]

Originally Posted by Noj

Did a break dancing show at half time of one of my brother's high school basketball games.

Hahaha me and my three little brothers once danced the New Kids on the Block's "Step by Step" for my whole family, during someone's birthday. This was around 1989-1990. Since I was learning English, I also sang it.

Originally Posted by Noj

Spilled Hot Wheel Cars all over the floor during one of my brother's high school basketball games.

I didn't get this one, man. Did you toss them to the court while being in the audience? What happened after you did it?