The Algonquin Round Table

[Lois Gilbert]

Quite enjoying this documentary on PBS on the members of the Algonquin Round Table including the wonderful Al Hirschfeld renderings

[bluenoter]

The Speakeasy Roundtable has some big shoes to fill, eh?

I want to be Harold Ross, or maybe Dorothy Parker without the self-destructive tendencies.

If this has been on the LA PBS I unfortunately missed it. And missing the great Robert Benchly, aw gee!

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

One of those rare times I wish I had a TV! Most of what I know of the scene I've gleaned from several biographies of two of my favorite authors: Dorothy Parker and George S. Kaufman.

Challenged to produce a sentence with 'horticulture' in it, Dorothy came up with "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think." (From what I've read, this was premeditated, but staged to seem spontaneous.)

She also said, "One more drink and I'd have been under the host."

Kaufman commented on a rival's play that it "was full of single entendres," and on a backer's luxurious estate, "This is what God would have done if He'd had money."

But not even Parker could top her own "Men never make passes at girls who wear glasses".

[moneyp]

Dorothy Parker:

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

"I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid."

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."


Robert Benchley:

"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony."

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."

"If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from."

[Jimmy Cantiello]

A couple more from Ms. Parker:


"It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends."


On learning that Calvin Coolidge was dead she remarked, "How could they tell?"

Dorothy Parker wrote one of my favorite reviews--it was of a play called "I Am a Camera."

No leica.

[patricia]

Some of my favourite Parker poems:

Sanctuary

My land is bare of chattering folk;
The clouds are low along the ridges,
And sweet's the air with curly smoke
From all my burning bridges.


Thoughts For A Sunshiny Morning

It costs me never a stab nor squirm
To tread by chance upon a worm.
"Aha, my little dear," I say,
"Your clan will pay me back some day."

The Searched Soul

When I consider, pro and con,
What things my love is built upon --
A curly mouth; a sinewed wrist;
A questioning brow; a pretty twist
Of words as old and tried as sin;
A pointed ear; a cloven chin;
Long tapered limbs; and slanted eyes
Nor cold nor kind nor darkly wise --
When so I ponder, here apart,
What shallow boons suffice my heart,
What dust-bound trivia capture me,
I marvel at my normalcy.

Partial Comfort

Whose love is given over-well
Shall look on Helen's face in hell,
Whilst they whose love is thin and wise
May view John Knox in paradise.


"Personal: Robert Benchley, please come home. Nothing is forgiven."

[Tom Storer]

My favorite Dorothy Parker poem:

Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

Besides her delightful poetry and bon mots, Dorothy also wrote "Big Blonde," one of the great American short stories. I'll have to listen again to that wonderful tape that Patricia sent me of Lauren Bacall reading the story. "You Were Perfectly Fine" is also a stellar short story.

As I recall, the best of the bios of Dorothy I read was "You Might As Well Live."


UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCE

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.



**

COMMENT


Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.


**

The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.

**

And it is that word "hummy," my darlings, that marks the first place in "The House at Pooh Corner" at which Tontanst Weader fwowed up.

**

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

**

ONE PERFECT ROSE


A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet --
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret:
`My fragile leaves,' it said, `his heart enclose'.
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

[HenryMc]

Dorothy Parker is dead
that's the least can be said
but her values and morals
all chintzes and florals
live on in the alley's hot bed

for you see we have our resident drunks
and the guys who are always in funks
and each has a critical eye
which they use to de-cry
for you don't need to be chinese to see junks

I know this is so poor-i-ly written
but you see I have been by bon mots a bitten
for in our own clever minds
there is nothing that binds
when we find with Parker we're smitten!

[patricia]

Henry, there was a time that I cursed the Gods that I *wasn't * Dorothy Parker. She was the first woman, whose poetry I read, who wasn't the usual run of groceries, among women who wrote poetry.

Squaredancecaller mentioned the reading of "Big Blonde", by Lauren Bacall. IMO, she's the only one who could have done it justice. Terrific.

The Actress

Her name, cut clear upon this marble cross.
Shines as it shone whenshe was still on earth;
While tenderly the mild, agreeable moss
Obscures the figures of her date of birth.

-------------------------


[untitled]

Soldier in a curious land
All across a swaying sea,
Take her smile and lift her hand --
Have no guilt of me.

Soldier, when were soldiers true?
If she's kind and sweet and gay,
Use the wish I send to you --
Lie not lone till day!

Only, for the nights that were,
Soldier and the dawns that came,
When in sleep you turn to her
Call her by my name.

------------------------------

Coda

There's little in taking or giving,
There's litle in water or wine;
This living, this living, this living
Was never a project of mine.
Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is
The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle --
Would you kindly direct me to hell?

[Dr Dave]

I never realized until now it was called "Dorothy Parker And The Algonquin Round Table."

[patricia]

I used to have George S. Kaufman's biography and I wish I hadn' t sent it to a friend, a few years ago.
What a shifting, sharply witty band of folk they were. Can you imagine being there??
Although I'm sure that everything everyone said wasn't quotable, it sure wouldn't have been dull.

[clinthopson]

James Thurber's "Years With Ross" has quite a few references to that crowd of wits.

I don't think aynone has mentioned Alexander Wolcott so far. He had a very acid wit and more enemies than friends. "The Man Who Came To Dinner's" protagonist was closely based on A.W.

My favorite Benchley line: "I want to get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini."

Ah, to be a fly on the wall at those sessions.

[walto]

I think her piece on waiting for the phone to ring is about the most moving short story I've ever read. So sad.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

That's a great one, Walter! A monologue. Can't put my fingers on it at the moment, but I think it's called The (or A) Telephone Call, goes something like, "OK, calm yourself, you can't spend the whole day waiting for the phone to ring. I'll count to 500 by 5s, and if he hasn't called by then I'll go out and get lunch. 5, 10, 15... Oh, what's wrong with him! How can he not..."

Another good short short is "You Were Perfectly Fine," a husband discovering little by little from his wife what he did at the party the previous night while drunk.

[moneyp]

"A Telephone Call" can be read here.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

Thanks, mone! Surprised to see the text -- about two years ago almost all of Dorothy's material vanished from the web after action by her copyright holders.
Wonderful piece.

[patricia]

"The Portable Dorothy Parker" is as fine a collection of Parker's work as any. Published by Viking, with a forward by Brendon Gill and an introduction to her work, printed at the end, by W. Somerset Maugham. Both approved.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

Patricia: That's the book I have that I can't put my fingers on at the moment! Excellent collection.

The Kaufman bio i read was very funny, with a good deal on Ross and Thurber, and (unless memory fails) Harpo Marx.

[clinthopson]

The reference to Harpo brings to mind the story about Harpo meeting Tahllulah Bankhead at a cocktail party and opening the conversation with "I'd sure like to fuck you."

Tahlu replied "And so you shall, dear boy."

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

So Harpo used the HarpoMarx-approach in real life, too!I think he was the gin rummy shark at the Round Table.

[SinginSumo]

Was this program a rebroadcast of the American Masters' "Ten Year Lunch"?

[patricia]

Bits on:

Charles Dickens:

Who call him spurious and shoddy
Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.
I heartily invite such birds
To come outside and say those words.

Oscar Wilde

If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.