Trout Mask Replica: The Amazon 1-Star Reviews

[kenny weir]

Amazon reviews are a trip!

Here are some of the headline grabs of the Trout Mask Replica reviews that gave me a good laugh this afternoon:

Simply put; the most overrated album ever

definately an aquired taste (Spelling! )

Abu Ghraib Soundtrack!

The three card monte of music

Like an epileptic seizure set to music!

Fast and Bulbous

Don't be fooled - it's worse than awful

THERE ISN'T ANYTHING TO GET!!!!!!

Close this freakshow down for repairs

Like an alcoholiday on a polluted beach!

Music for chumps

Trout Mask Replica is pants, IMHO

Truly Terrible

Here's why beefheart fans are hopelessly deluded

This sounds poopy!

Even if I live forever, I'll not be listening to this again

would rather sit in a dark room covered in bees (-50 stars)

Least Essential Album of All Time

Just make it stop

The world would be a better place without it

!!!!!!!!!!

They should pay us to listen to this

It's a cow's heart

Stinky!

Has the whole world gone crazy?

The worst CD I've ever heard

this album is retarded

So beautifully and deeply dumbfounding

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Soundtrack to a root canal

Vile Refuse

Ugh

4 SIDES OF JIBBERISH

Tedious Wankery

Like getting stabbed with a rusty knife

Surely, you must be joking

Wha' happened?

Where's the zero stars button?

Beefheart is an absolute buffoon..

Drug-crazed trivial nonsense

A Baffling Ordeal...

Democractic People's Republic of Beefheart

Total Noise Pollution

...or it could just be the worst album ever recorded

Throw this stinking fish back!!!

Never mind this bollox!

Music for a short-bus ride

[walto]

Music for a short-bus ride

I have no idea what that means, but I love it!

[Gary Sisco]

Wow. I'm not the greatest fan of that record but those reviews are out of control.

[Vince Kargatis]

tippy, "fast and bulbous" is a phrase from the album itself, so probably doesn't count as you intended.

[bigtiny]

I think that this list of comments in and of themselves, validate the importance of this album....

bigtiny

[Surfer]

the dust blows forward, and the dust blows back

[Milstead]

Originally Posted by Vince Kargatis

tippy, "fast and bulbous" is a phrase from the album itself, so probably doesn't count as you intended.

"A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous."

"Bulbous, also tapered."

"That's right !"

[Surfer]

Q: What do you run on Rocket Morton?

A: I run on beans. I run on leisure beans.

[Gerardo A]

"When she walks, flowers surround her."

[Gentle Giant]

Tedious Wankery

That's not fair. Most wankery is tedious if you're not the one doing the wanking.

[walto]

Originally Posted by bigtiny

I think that this list of comments in and of themselves, validate the importance of this album....

bigtiny

I don't know if it's rock, but if so, it's probably my favorite rock recording.

I also don't know if it's 'important,' but I don't care so much about that.

[Surfer]

There are songs I'm not crazy about (Neon Meat Dream of an Octofish), and as others have famously pointed out, the mixing isnt ideal (CB's voice is too loud, you cant hear the great sounds the Magic Band are weaving), but there are a dozen + absolutely incredble tracks on that album. My fav cuts:

Dachau Blues
Moonlight On Vermont
Pachuco Cadaver
Dali's Car
When Big Joan Sets Up (the last few minutes of this jam are intense)
Sugar 'N Spikes
Ant Man Bee (everybody's fav)
The Blimp (c'mon, amusing, you must admit)
Veteran's Day Poppy !!!!!!!

[Gerardo A]

"Sweet sweet bulbs" isn't one of your favorites?

[Frisco]

Originally Posted by Surfer

The Blimp (c'mon, amusing, you must admit)

I love The Blimp, and The Old Fart at Play.
Those two were my introduction to Beefheart from the compilation album Zapped.

[Surfer]

Originally Posted by Gerardo A

"Sweet sweet bulbs" isn't one of your favorites?

Oh yeah, I forgot that one. Come talk freely in the garden of my lady.

Also Hair Pie is great, because as an instrumental, you really get a feel for how tight and angular and, yes, groovy, that band was at its best.

[Surfer]

Just listen to the groove they lay down at the beginning and then at the end of Pachuco Cadaver. Tell me that isnt some brilliant shit.

[John L]

My money has it that one or two people wrote all of those reviews.

[Ron Thorne]

Originally Posted by John L

My money has it that one or two people wrote all of those reviews.

Bingo!

My immediate response was that this was the work of one person who wanted to tweak folks. Apparently, it worked.

[kenny weir]

Well, hell, who knows - maybe you're right.

But there's remember - there's 380 reviews all up.

Still good for a larf, hey?

[Ron Thorne]

Originally Posted by kenny weir

Well, hell, who knows - maybe you're right.

But there's remember - there's 380 reviews all up.

Still good for a larf, hey?

Absolutely good for a "larf", Kenny.

And, I'm not pointing a finger at you, mate.

[Dr Dave]

When this record first came out I had a hard time listening to it, and that's saying something, because back in the Strange Old Days I was listening to Stockhausen's prepared piano stuff every day, and "Kulu Se Mama" and whatnot, and lapping it all up.

As hard as it was to listen to, I do remember being awed by the sheer musicianship being applied to those strange songs. I read this thread, got onto Google, and after all these years now understand how the Magic Band became so tight. Here's the relevant quote from Wikipedia:

[According to Van Vliet, the 28 songs on the album were quickly written in a number of milliseconds, though band members have stated that he worked on the compositions for roughly 3 weeks using a piano as his writing tool. Drummer John French took the parts, transcribed them to musical notation, and assigned them to each instrument. The group rehearsed Van Vliet's difficult compositions for eight months, living communally in conditions drummer John French described as "cultlike".[1] The Magic Band was holed up in Van Vliet's home in Los Angeles, restricted from leaving the house, eating very little, and practicing for 14 or more hours a day. Van Vliet wanted the whole band to "live" the "Trout Mask Replica" album. When the time finally arrived to record, the band was able to knock out the pieces flawlessly and lead to a very brief recording process.]

Anyway, hats off to John French and the rest of the crew.

[kenny weir]

As I have been unable to find an online resourse that is the bookish equivalent of allmusic.com, I use Amazon a lot just for pottering around, so end up reading a lot of reviews.

It's a truly weird and wonderful little world ...

Sometimes the to-ing and fro-ing can approximate the repartee of a joint such as JC, especially on politics and so on.

Some of the reviews of Jon Krakouer's book on Mormon offshoot weirdos were right out there.

And then there's always classics of the "This is the worst book I've ever read - I gave up after three pages!" variety.

I recall another review - since deleted - wherein the punter absolutely slammed a fine album by soul genius Paul kelly BECAUSE he wasn't the Australian singer-songwriter of the same name.

Same with this two-star review of superb honky tonker Frankie Miller:

This is more by way of advice than a review and the content of it is to say that "SUGAR COATED BABY" is listed under the wrong Frankie Miller. Frankie Miller from Glasgow, Scotland recorded THE ROCK and HIGHLIFE, however "Sugar Coated Baby" was recorded by an American guy who sang country along the lines of Hank Williams.

Another favourite a one-star of the fabulous four-cd JSP box The Paramount Masters:

After reading the other reviews, I was really looking forward to this collection. I am very disappointed. The sound quality is terrible. These are very old recordings and have not been treated well. Even with the restoration mastery of JSP, at least 50% of the tracks on this collection are painful to listen to.

Poor sap. Somebody should tell him that with this sort of stuff you have to teach yourself to listen to the music - AND NOT THE SOUND QUALITY.

I shudder to think of the music I'd be missing out on if I applied those sort of hifi standards.

[kenny weir]

Here's another (ignorant) gem - for the classic swamp pop compilation Another Saturday Night, a treasured introduction to that peculiar strain of South Louisiana music for me and many others, and a disc that has never been billed as a cajun or zydeco album:

This album certainly delivers on something, just not what I wanted. For those who think of "bayou" music as cajun, accordian/harmonica/thumping bass type stuff, as I was looking for, only about 1/3 of the tracks here deliver. The rest is the same type of rockabilly/honkytonk stuff that I don't necessarily associate with "bayou" - more like "anywhere in the 50's, moreso in the South." I was looking to inject some cajun into my cd collection. I'll keep looking!

[rollhead]

This thread reminded me of how much I loved Captain Beefheart, so I ordered the CD version of Trout Mask Replica. Just got it Monday.

I don't know if it is important, or if it is rock, or if it is underrated, but I (think) I like it.

[Bonomo]

I'd have thought Trout Mask was outdated by this time. You have to admit Beefheart has stood the test of time. But I didn't think the album had any particularly notable points.

[walto]

What's a notable point? And which albums do have them, in your opinion?

[Bonomo]

Something outstanding about it. Beefheart's TROUT MASK was just a run of good music, sustained but not very progressive. Like Mose Allison, one is just glad he's around.

[AntManBee]

Originally Posted by Surfer

Ant Man Bee (everybody's fav)

Finally someone to admit I am!