Spam Gallery

[Pete C]

Formerly "They've Gone Beyond My Penis."

Post your amusing spam here.

I got an e-mail from "Bandt Tarango" titled "To Acceptably Uphold Septic Tanks (BX62Y8G7)." Is this a sequel to "To Serve Man"?

"Keep Your Septic Working Efficiently!
Get A FREE Trial of SPC Spetic Cleaner"

Spetic indeed.

[Canuck Don]

Got an email a few days ago.Cann't remember the exact wording but it was from a so called Dentist place saying for a small monthly fee can have teeth work done unlimited nu. of times.
The funny part ,it was from a place in Los Angeles.Like I'm going to fly 4000 miles to get get discount dental work done.

[Dennis Gonzalez]

Is this too obvious?

[bluenoter]

ATTN:SIR/MADAM

IN ORDER TO SECURE THE SUM OF NINTEEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS.
I WISH TO ASK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE,BELIEVING,THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME
DOWN EITHER NOW OR IN FUTURE.


I AM MR PAUL DURUAKU, THE ONLY CHILD OF LATE MR AND
MRS.UWA DURUAKU.MY FATHER WAS A VERY WEALTHY COCOA
MERCHANT BASED IN ABIDJAN, THE ECONOMIC CAPITAL OF
IVORY COAST BEFORE HE WAS POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS
BUSINESS ASSOCIATES ON ONE OF THEIR OUTING TO DISCUSS
ON A BUSINESS.

WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON THE 21ST OCTOBER 1994, MY FATHER
TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I AM MOTHERLESS.

BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ON 7TH NOVEMBER 2001 IN A
PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE IN ABIDJAN. HE SECRETLY CALLED ME ON
HIS BEDSIDE AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A SUM OF US$ 19,000,000
(NINETEEN MILLION , UNITED STATES DOLLARS)
DEPOSITED IN A SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE.
THAT HE USED MY NAME AS HIS ONLY SON FOR THE DEPOSIT OF
THE MONEY IN THE SECURITY COMPANY. HE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME
THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH THAT HE WAS POISONED BY
HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES.HE MADE IT CLEAR TO ME THAT THE SECURITY
COMPANY ARE NOT AWARE THAT THE CONSIGNMENT CONTAINS MONEY.
THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER IN A COUNTRY OF MY
CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS MONEY AND USE IT FOR INVESTMENT
PURPOSE, (SUCH AS REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT).


SIR, I AM HONOURABLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE
FOLLOWING WAYS.

1)TO SERVE AS THE GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND, BY TRAVELLING AND CLAIMING THE
FUNDS FOR ME.
2)TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR
COUNTRY AFTER THE MONEY HAS BEEN SECURED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
I HAVE THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT WHICH IS UNDER MY NAME.
3)SHARING MODALITIES WILL BE DISCUSSED ONCE YOU HAVE SECURED THE FUNDS.
PLEASE ALL CORRESPONDENCE SHOULD BE THROUGH MY FATHERS LAWYER,
MR.SULE AHMED ON HIS NUMBER(TEL: +873763226325-fax: +873763226327).

ANTICIPATING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
DURUAKU PAUL

[Pete C]

Are you aware that the "Nigerian scam" or "419 fraud" is
"according to published reports, the Third to Fifth largest industry in Nigeria"?

[bluenoter]

No, Pete, you don't understand! This man isn't from Nigeria; he's from the Ivory Coast. And after the poor guy had already lost his mother, his father was poisoned. The least I can do is show him that he's right to believe that I, Sir/Madam, will never let him down.

[GoodSpeak]

This is better if you read it aloud....

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and
sits down. He bangs on the
bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve
beer to bears in bars in
Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be
served a beer. The
bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We
don't serve beer to
belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve
me a beer, I'm going to
eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears
in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as
promised, eats the woman. He
comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

.........You're gonna love this..........

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate."

[bluenoter]

Here you go, GoodSpeak:

http://www.jazzcornertalk.com/speake...s=&threadid=17

It's the Jokes thread in the Alley.

[GoodSpeak]

I got this as spam.


Six o'one, half duhzin th' udder.

[tippy]

>>You are receiving this offer because you opted-in to receive special offers from _________<<

Like HELL I did.

A couple years ago I signed up for something or other on e*trade...maybe to play the trade game or something like that, anyway I registered with a fake name--hiny Mokka--so whenever I receive a spam mail that says dear hiny, [you can have shinier nuts in just 5 days!] I know who it was that sold hiny out.

[Dennis Gonzalez]

Yes Goody...I got that joke as spam as well. It's so dumb. Sofa Kingdom!

[Ron Thorne]

Just think of the untold millions who wasted their time and money actually attending classes and learning stuff.


Hi , rthorne

YOUR DEGREE MAY BE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK
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Degree verification and official transcripts will be provided in writing when requested by employers and others authorized by the graduate. Our college & University transcripts meet the
highest academic standards. Our University issues a degree printed on premium diploma paper, bearing an official gold raised college seal.

No one is turned down.

Confidentiality assured.
.

[RainyDay]

I wonder what the theory is behind sending the same message twice or more? I once got 30 copies of the same message. I especially like it when I get offers to make my penis AND my breasts bigger.

[shrugs]

Date: Sun, 4 May 2003 09:03:41 -0700




Get VALIUM, XANAX, PROZAC and much more ONLINE!!

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Adipex
Diazepam
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WE PAY THE ONLINE AND LICENSED PHYSICIAN FOR YOU
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Our Pharmacy is fully licensed and shipping is done only by licensed
pharmacists
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All orders are shipped in unmarked packaging to your nominated address.

- Rx SHIPPING PROTECTION
We do not want to keep mailing if you do not wish to receive.
Please kindly remove yourself and u will never be emailed again from
our
company.
Thank you and save the trees..
Email is not as bad as postal junk mail and fax junk..

[Ron Thorne]

Like most of you, I receive HGH (human growth hormone), breast enlargement, special mortgage rate, and penis enlargement offers all-too-frequently. The one below at least offered some comic relief.



The caption read something such as "Click if you want bigger nuts and penis than this."

[mjb]

How brain-dead do they believe the recipients of this nonsense to be?

First thing I hope this is the right email address flumpet@majicthighs.com ... You probably don't remember me, but we talked online a while ago. I don't really know what happened, but I guess we both just got really busy or something. I feel really bad because I don't want you to think I was ignoring you or anything.

Anyway, I know we haven't talked in a while but I thought we had the beginnings of a
pretty good thing going so I was just wondering if you'd be interested in getting back in touch. Maybe with a few emails first so we can feel each other out again? You probably don't remember what I look like, there are some pics of me at:


My User name is laurie243 .
I hope you're still interested. I'm gonna feel pretty dumb showing you that website if you blow me off..... but I hope that gives you some confidence that I'm for real.
I DEFINITELY don't just hand that out to people. I hope this works out for the best, you were the most compatible guy I met on that site and I feel horrible for letting it slide.
Anyway, check out the site and email me if you want to get together.
I hope so. Talk to you soon!

Love ,XX

Laurie

[Knike]

I turned 18 last week! My birthday was a lot of fun! My friend Brian came home with me that night. He said he wanted me to be able to remember everything about my birthday, so he brought a camera with him. He said he would put it online for me to see anytime I wanted to. I think he put it on this site. Let me know what you think of it. k?

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

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[mke]

In line with mjb's post, I once got one in French that went something like this:

Hi mwanji,

Had a great time at dinner last night. Let's get together soon. By the way, here are the porn sites I mentioned to you while we were watching the game on TV.

[steve(thelil)]

I like the ones that promise me breasts that will make my penis bigger

[Pete C]

Originally posted by mjb
How brain-dead do they believe the recipients of this nonsense to be?

I don't know, but you gotta give Laurie credit--she spelled definitely right.

[claude]

Hi I am Nancy and these are my free daily movies and pictures

10 movie clips of mothers I would like to fu*k

[claude]

I guess that I am forfeiting my "prize" by breaching confidentiality. Oh well..

THE INTERNATIONAL LOTTO
PO BOX 1011
LIVERPOOL, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM.



FROM: THE DESK OF THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT,
REF:EKS255125600304 AND BATCH NO: 54/1017/IDL.


ATTENTION: Sir/Madam,

RE/ AWARD NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today, 22nd of May 2003, of winners of THE INTERNATIONAL LOTTO PROGRAMS held on 30TH March 2003 as part of our first quater of the year bonanza.

You or your company, attached to ticket number 034-1416-4612-750, with serial number 6521-11 drew the lucky numbers 31-51-22-24-39-43, and consequently won the lottery in category C.

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$1.2Million in cash credited to file REF: EKS255125600304 . This is from total prize money of US$16,800,000.00 shared among 14 winners
in this category. All participants were selected through a computer balloting system drawn from 25,000 names from Middle East, Asia, Africa, Canada, Europe and North America and Oceania as part our International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Your fund is now deposited with EQUITY INVESTMENT LIMITED, a security, House insured in your name. Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program.

We hope with a part of your prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes US$1.3 billion International Lottery.

for due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice.

Remember, you must contact your claim agent not later than 2nd of june 2003. After this date, all funds will be returned as unclaimed. All correspondences to MR.MICHAEL MASON,either by fax or email,should have this EMAIL sent along with it and also, your FULL ADDRESS, YOUR COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE and your EMAIL ADDRESS to which this email is sent,should be clearly and BOLDLY WRITTEN IN YOUR RESPONSE with your claims agent.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every one of your correspondences with your agent. Furthermore,should there be any change of your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations again from all our staff and thank you for being part of our promotions program.

Sincerely,

SHIRLEY JENSEN.
THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
THE INTERNATIONAL LOTTO uk.

N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to disqualification. Please do not reply to this mail. Contact your claim agent

[bluenoter]

I don't know, but you gotta give Laurie credit--she spelled definitely right.

Yeah, that's "definately" refreshing. But I always spell "definitely" right, and what credit do I get?

[Pete C]

Originally posted by bluenoter

Yeah, that's "definately" refreshing. But I always spell "definitely" right, and what credit do I get?

Just because we don't say it all the time doesn't mean we don't appreciate it.

[bluenoter]

Just the same old stuff, but for some reason I opened this e-mail and found it more colorful than most:

From: "Norris Guerrero"

To: [me]

Subject: Do you think it'll work?

VP-RX will take your sex life
to new levels... Guaranteed!

Your penis will grow up to 3 inches

Your erections will be rock hard

Your sex drive will be supercharged

Your orgasms will be more intense

Your partner will be astounded
Click here to get VP-RX now!

[Pete C]

From :
Enlarge_Your_Tool_Guaranteed@hotmail.com

Subject :
Enlarge Your Johnson Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!

Date :
Sat, 24 May 2003 01:24:19 -0400

[Pete C]

Dear Fellow Networker,

Let's get this straight, the only way you can make money on
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you're an Australian, Asian, European or American.

Bulk Email Is Not Spam.....The Law says so. Only fear keeps
you from getting FREE, TARGETED LEADS at will.

I will show you :

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* How to Send Bulk Email Safely
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+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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If you're not interested, please go to the end of this email & click remove.

Get your message to the millions of people on the Web who
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************************************************************************
I like you could never get enough traffic/hits to my site.
I tried everything from FFAs to search engines & even Leads
which didn't work at all !
***********************************************************************

Act Now !

[Pete C]

Sobolik Hosse For better or worse Russian brides work (rudhWbrEu2G) Wed 06/18 15k

[tippy]

Someone wants to date you