The Ten Most Annoying Singers

[Mike Schwartz]

taken off yahoo.com

Posted Mon Apr 21 4:31pm PDT by Rob O'Connor in List Of The Day
It's stunning to learn that others don't share our tastes. Then again, how did an entire generation embrace faux wood paneling, shag carpets and putting thick plastic on their furniture? Well, someone thought it was a great idea!

Hey, I like Bob Dylan's voice and kept him off this list because I could! Instead, I found the ten singers most likely to make you drive off the road.

Now that's a terrible fate. Not only are you stranded in some ditch, but you're stuck listening to one of these ten singers, who it would seem are singing that way just to mock you. Oh, the injustice.

10) Celine Dion: I know there are millions of people who would beg to disagree, but let's get real, people. She sings 15 notes where one would suffice and turns every song into an anthem for self-empowerment. It's like getting an hour of Oprah condensed into four minutes. She sings. It's time to start the lawnmower.

9) John Mayer: Young people are impressionable. I'm not sure where John Mayer learned his vocal craft. I hesitate to call it singing. It's more like whimpering. And for some reason, this has become a trend not stopping anytime soon. As you'll sadly learn as we go further down this list.

8) Conor Oberst: As the wunderkind who leads Bright Eyes, Conor Oberst was given a certain amount of leeway since he was a young teen when he started out and his precious singing--so sensitive and intimate you could hear the post-nasal drip--was mistaken as precocious. Well, he's in his 20s now and he still sounds like he's swimming back to the womb for protection from this hard, harsh world. Come on buddy, stand up straight and stop trying to imitate the Cure's Robert Smith. He got there first. And even he must know he sounds a little silly.

7) Lily Allen: Contrary to this column, I want to like fresh, young talent. I want to hear singers bring true commitment to their material. The first time I heard Lily Allen I thought it was quaint. Then it seemed every young female singer was determined to sing just like her, as if they're running out of air in their lungs and have to get back to the respirator before the next verse begins. Sure, she's bouncy and spunky. But if I might quote what Lou Grant once told Mary Tyler Moore: I HATE SPUNK.

6) Devendra Banhart / Tiny Tim: I'm not convinced they're not the same person. Tiny Tim was a novelty item singing with that stupid ukulele something about tiptoeing through the tulips. Anyone with any half sense would know it was novelty item that shouldn't be used as the basis for an entire recording career. And for thirty years, it wasn't, until freaky-folk dude Devendra Banhart showed up and started warbling in that unlistenable, untrained vibrato the kind of nonsensical lyrics that didn't sound all that great back when people were taking the kinds of drugs you're supposed to be on in order to enjoy it.

5) James Blunt: All this talk in the media about whether or not waterboarding is torture is moot. Forcing anyone to listen to "Beautiful" on repeat constitutes torture. You want my darkest, deepest secrets? This guy's quivering voice gets you my social security number, my mother's maiden name, my personal PIN and any random government secrets I'm currently harboring.

4) Frankie Valli: Frankie Valli was a hero to some back in his day. I grant you this. He was consistent! He consistently sang in a voice designed to send dogs running for cover and perfect for breaking glass. "Rag Doll, " "Sherry," "Dawn," "Big Girls Don't Cry," the list is enormous. He very well could be tried as a war criminal. Who would object? Seriously? Who?

3) Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins): Yes, despite all his rage he's still just a rat in a cage. Unfortunately, that cage came with a microphone for him to transmit his Smashing Pumpkins hits to a helpless, hapless world at large. While Billy could orchestrate grand walls of guitar and write albums of endless tuneage, he insisted on singing it himself. Except this is not singing in any conventional sense, but rather the sound of a petulant, whiny child. This is what happens when parents don't tell their kids to shut up often enough. Children need to know you don't like them.

2) Scott Stapp (Creed): We could probably start laying the blame on Bono, Eddie Vedder, Jim Morrison and that guy from Blood, Sweat and Tears, but in the end it's Scott Stapp who epitomizes that macho bellow that sounds like a man who's gone overboard at the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet and has just received spiritual orders to let everyone know they're going to hell if they don't save themselves somehow. His spiritual torment becomes your problem. Thanks, pal.

1) Michael Bolton: OK, this was easy. C'mon, you knew Mr. Bolton would top the list. Who else can take a love song and turn it into a hernia? When a man loves a woman he doesn't do so by screaming in her ear--so why should it be acceptable for a man to sing a sensitive love song as if he's directing traffic for the hearing impaired? R&B classics deserve their place in musical history and should be protected from this man's desecration of all that is holy. It's only right. Let's make it a law.

[Mike Schwartz]

What's the name of that guy Enforcer loves to hate?

He's gotta be on there somewhere, especially with his incredubly bad make_overs on GAS

[Noj]

How did Morrissey miss the cut? Or that Fine Young Cannibal dude?

[Dr Dave]

I'm pleased to report that I've never knowingly heard Lily Allen, Scott Stapp, Devendra Banhart, or James Blunt. What a sheltered life I lead! I've only heard John Mayer sing "Stitched Up" on a Herbie Hancock album, and thought he did a pretty good job of it. I'm unfamiliar with the rest of his work.

Rod Stewart gets an asterisk, at least, because many, many years ago (1969, to be exact) he was an affecting, emotionally honest singer. That's all long gone now, of course.

My question is, where is Whitney Houston on this list? Where is Avril Lavigne? Where is the horrific Lou Christie? And as long as I'm hanging it all out, I never could stand Nancy Wilson...

[Gary Sisco]

Frankie Valli's the only one on the list I've heard. Uh, thank goodness, sounds like.

[walto]

[Mike Schwartz]

Originally Posted by Dr Dave

I'm pleased to report that I've never knowingly heard Lily Allen, Scott Stapp, Devendra Banhart, or James Blunt. What a sheltered life I lead! I've only heard John Mayer sing "Stitched Up" on a Herbie Hancock album, and thought he did a pretty good job of it. I'm unfamiliar with the rest of his work.

Rod Stewart gets an asterisk, at least, because many, many years ago (1969, to be exact) he was an affecting, emotionally honest singer. That's all long gone now, of course.

My question is, where is Whitney Houston on this list? Where is Avril Lavigne? Where is the horrific Lou Christie? And as long as I'm hanging it all out, I never could stand Nancy Wilson...

Rod Stewart! That's the guy is was trying to come up with, and like you, I don't know a bunch of the entries, nor whether Stewart ever had an "honest" effort.

Lou Christie is simply Franky Valli II

[Uli]

Originally Posted by Mike Schwartz

taken off yahoo.com

Posted Mon Apr 21 4:31pm PDT by Rob O'Connor in List Of The Day
It's stunning to learn that others don't share our tastes. Then again, how did an entire generation embrace faux wood paneling, shag carpets and putting thick plastic on their furniture? Well, someone thought it was a great idea!

.

shag carpets? That one should be e-z to xplain.

[Root Doctor]

What? No Michael Buble?

[Scott Dolan]

What about that cat from Sigur Ros? Or Modest Mouse?


And I don't see what's so offensive about Mayer's voice. His music isn't always the best, but...

[Chris D]

Originally Posted by Mike Schwartz

Rod Stewart! That's the guy is was trying to come up with, and like you, I don't know a bunch of the entries, nor whether Stewart ever had an "honest" effort.

-----------------------------


Generally, if someone annoys me, I just avoid them. Since I'm out of the business of writing reviews, I don't feel the need to harp on someone. Life's too damn short.

That said, ahem, the eternally precious and satisfied with herself Natalie Merchant annoys the living crap out of me.

[Vince Kargatis]

Can't decide whether Dylan's voice annoys me or not, but I have never grown to like or tolerate it, missing out on virtually all the virtues of his work due to that. One voice that does annoy me is D. Boon's of the Minutemen. Can't stand him. "The Cheerleaders" always makes me think "Jesus, what a piece of shit song this is" despite the decent lyrics, thanks to his voice and the doofy arrangement. Oof.

[John L]

That list looks to be well put together. I haven't heard half of those singers, but the other half deserve this recognition.

Originally Posted by Dr Dave

My question is, where is Whitney Houston on this list?

"Waiting to Exhale" saves her from this list (IMO). That one couterbalances everything else.

[Surfer]

Jeff Tweedy

Joanne Newsom

Ethel Merman

Jello Biafra

Donna Godchaux

Whitney Houston

gimme a few minutes, i'll think of some more

[Surfer]

whoops someone already said Whitney.

No way John Mayer makes my list. Recent Jeff Tweedy is 10X more annoying. Actually annoying is probably the wrong word. Its just that he has ZERO vocal or emotional range to his singing.

[Scott Dolan]

I kind of dig Tweedy's delivery to a certain extent.

Nobody else could have made Blue-Eyed Soul as effectively as he did. His voice tends to be drab more often than not, but sometimes it just...works.

Glad somebody stands up for Mayer though.

[Surfer]

Irene Aebi

[Surfer]

Originally Posted by Scott Dolan

I kind of dig Tweedy's delivery to a certain extent.

Nobody else could have made Blue-Eyed Soul as effectively as he did. His voice tends to be drab more often than not, but sometimes it just...works.

IMO, it only worked well as a foil to Farrar's baritone. By itself, his voice is completely 1-dimensional. And that's being generous.
I dont think he adds anything special to BES that any other singer couldnt have added.

[Surfer]

Mike Patton

Axl Rose

[Jesse]

I cannot start such a list, it would be illimitable, really. I like very few vocalists at a level popular enough to represent here.
In the right zone, I like that "cat" who sings for Sigur Ros. Bon Iver sings in a similar range.
An interesting sub-set of this thread might be vocalists you like who those around you find annoying, or worse.
I would launch that list with Meredith Monk and Ami Yoshida. Not sure if my bride bristles at Yoshida because she's only heard her with Sachiko M (whom she finds pain-inducing), or its her voice extant.
I know why she leaves the room when Monk is ululating.

[Noj]

Mary J. Blige

[Jon Abbey]

Originally Posted by Jesse

Not sure if my bride bristles at Yoshida because she's only heard her with Sachiko M (whom she finds pain-inducing), or its her voice extant.

clearly you need to pick up a s o, if for no other reason than to explore this thesis.

[Hudson Boy]

There's a lot of pretty bad vocalists out there. I'm just grateful that we have Tierney Sutton, and other fine jazz singers.

[Vince Kargatis]

Originally Posted by Jesse

I cannot start such a list, it would be illimitable, really. I like very few vocalists at a level popular enough to represent here.

I don't understand that second sentence regarding a thread about annoying singers. Does the first imply that a large number of singers actually annoy you? I don't much care about hearing about singers others don't or dis-like, but hearing about ones that actively annoy them, that entertains me.

[Jesse]

The under-discussed aso, which has nothing to do with my not owning it.
I should explore my thesis further. I remain pretty curious about what riles my bride, as she has a positive response to some stuff I predict will grate on her.
Maja Ratkje put her through some changes as well.

[walto]

Originally Posted by Vince K.

I don't understand that second sentence regarding a thread about annoying singers

You rang?

[Surfer]

Aebi almost single-handedly ruined what promised to be an interesting collboration between Lacy and Creeley (Futurities I and II). I dont mind her vocals in very small doses (like on the track The Eye), but on every track she just grates. I FF past the vocals just to get to the solos, and instrumental parts, which are often pretty good.

Speaking of wives, Yoko Ono is extremely annoying too.

get comfy, I'm just getting started.

[Scott Dolan]

Originally Posted by jesse

In the right zone, I like that "cat" who sings for Sigur Ros.

What zone is that? Sleep?


Maybe sacrilege, but I find Bon Scott's voice outrageously annoying. He was the precursor to that little weenie who "sang" for the metal band Accept. Udo somethingorfuckingrather.

[Mike Schwartz]

Originally Posted by Surfer

Aebi almost single-handedly ruined what promised to be an interesting collboration between Lacy and Creeley (Futurities I and II). I dont mind her vocals in very small doses (like on the track The Eye), but on every track she just grates. I FF past the vocals just to get to the solos, and instrumental parts, which are often pretty good.

Speaking of wives, Yoko Ono is extremely annoying too.

get comfy, I'm just getting started.

Glad I could brighten the cloudy overcast day we're sharing in NoCal

[Gary Sisco]

I remember in one of the teen zines of my childhood Lou Christie called himself the best singer in the world.

Dream on.