My slippery lawyer tricks

jesus marion joseph · June-27th-2008, 01:51 PM

I was representing an employer yesterday at an unemployment hearing against an ex-employee. Basically the employee claimed his hours were reduced for some unknown reason and then he was fired without explanation; the employer said he quit. Unbeknownst to the employee, his new employer was friendly with my client, so I got copies of all of his paychecks showing that he had been working there, full time, since April 18, as well as a signed statement from the new employer.

So I ask the kid if he was looking for a job while he claims my client was refusing to let him work, and he says he got a full time job two weeks ago. I ask him if he's sure it's been two weeks, and even offer to let him look at a calendar if he wants, but he says he's sure.

So I show him the first check and ask him if he received it and (get this) he says "I feel like I'm being ganged up on here". So I tell him it's just me, one guy, asking him questions, and he says "I know your slippery lawyer tricks!" and he gets up and storms out of the hearing.

Took all I had not to piss myself laughing!

Squaredancecalling Steve · June-27th-2008, 01:59 PM

clinthopson · June-27th-2008, 02:30 PM

A coupla weeks ago a lawyer friend of mine's house caught fire. The fire did extensive damage. The FD investigation indicated arson because the fire started in back of the house. There was no evidence that faulty wiring or any other of the usual causes caused the fire.

I asked him if he had any enemies, because he is a very nice, mellow guy who you would think didn't have an enemy in the world. But he is a lawyer and he told me that he had just won a judgment against what he described as a pretty bad guy. So far, no results of the investigation. Fortunately, he has the same insurance company as we have and the claim is well on its way to being settled for full replacement cost.

Gary Sisco · June-27th-2008, 02:33 PM

Good one.

I have a friend who was in a custody battle over her daughter against her former boyfriend.

Her lawyer asks, Do you own the house you're living in?

Boyfriend: Yes.

Lawyer: You're sure you are the owner.

Boyfriend: Yes.

So lawyer produces a copy of the deed. He's not the owner but a tenant, behind on his rent.

Lawyer: Why did you leave your last job?

Boyfriend: The work just ended so the job ended.

Lawyer produces employer paperwork to show that he'd been fired for sexual harassment.

You really have to wonder how people expect to get away with their lies.

Squaredancecalling Steve · June-27th-2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

You really have to wonder how people expect to get away with their lies.

Half the time they convince themselves they're true.

Jimmy Cantiello · June-27th-2008, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

You really have to wonder how people expect to get away with their lies.

Hopefully I'll be able to pull it off for a little while longer.

Gary Sisco · June-27th-2008, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squaredancecalling Steve

Half the time they convince themselves they're true.

True. I've noticed that of practices liars. Still, you'd think that things so easily disproved ...

Kid's a real menace. The mother is an excellent friend, who lived with us for several years, rode our horses, worked in the barn. I had to run him off our land during his last performance here. He had all the makings of a woman-beater getting ready for violence. Think again, pal. Not here. Sometimes there is a place for very judicious and discriminate terror, and that was one.

GoodSpeak · June-27th-2008, 06:55 PM

"You got to watch tricky lawyers!"

Robert E. Lee Ewell- To Kill A Mockingbird

clinthopson · June-27th-2008, 08:43 PM

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Hank 6

GoodSpeak · June-27th-2008, 09:02 PM

What do you call a bus load of lawyers that goes over a cliff, but one survived?

A tragedy.

[Just kidding, JMJ...you know I love ya

]

jesus marion joseph · June-28th-2008, 08:37 AM

My personal favorite:

A lawyer calls a plumber to diagnose a problem with his pipes. The plumber looks at the problem and tells the lawyer "I can fix it, but I'm gonna have to bill you $200 per hour." The lawyer says "$200 an hour? I'm a lawyer and I only bill $150 an hour." The plumber says "No kidding. When I was a lawyer I only billed $100 an hour."

Rimshot.

patricia · June-28th-2008, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimmy Cantiello

Hopefully I'll be able to pull it off for a little while longer.

The thing that surprises me about this guy and his posse is that they seem to assume that nobody is going to bother to check all the easily accessable facts. If you and I can find transcripts and film of actual events on the net, do they think that if they are ever charged with wrongdoing, nobody is going to have seen and been able to retreive what most of us regular people have seen?
WHEW!

Gary Sisco · June-28th-2008, 11:20 AM

The real thing is that they just don't care.

jesus marion joseph · June-28th-2008, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patricia

If you and I can find transcripts and film of actual events on the net, do they think that if they are ever charged with wrongdoing, nobody is going to have seen and been able to retreive what most of us regular people have seen?
WHEW!

That would make it more difficult to seat an "impartial" jury, though, which could work to their favor.

Gary Sisco · June-28th-2008, 12:13 PM

Nah. American memory only goes back to last Tuesday.

GoodSpeak · June-28th-2008, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

Nah. American memory only goes back to last Tuesday.

At 9AM.