I'm Sad

[cookie]

Is that a terrible thing to admit? I'm sad. I realize I'm *sooo* much better off than most of the world. But here's the deal: the bad economy makes for a bad summer financially, my marriage of 19 years fits 'bout as well as my JEANS of 19 years ago, a person I had allowed myself to feel close to showed his true colors (and it wasn't a shade of real friendship). Oh, yeah: and we just found out our youngest has a form of epilepsy.

I am trying to keep my chin up and "smile, though [my] heart is aching..". But man, I could use a shoulder 2 lean on or a word of encouragement.

Is it weak to reach out? I usually do my best to "walk it off..."

[cookie]

For the record (because of the recent JC dust-up) I wish to clarify that when I speak of the fair-weather friend above, that's not a reference to Scott. That's in reference to a man who hurt me in the flesh, not a man who annoyed me with pixels. Of all my friends in the world, I only entrust 3 with the nitty-gritty. Just want to make it clear that though Im disappointed the "nice Scott" and I are currently at some kind of "odds", he did not inflict the painful wound. Superficial scratch maybe....

[Cem]

I'm sorry for the dominance of the heavies in your life, Cookie.
They seem to arrive in groups.
Given the right combination and timing, we all have a breaking point.
It's getting more difficult to relate to people and find others to commiserate with; isolation sucks.
I hope, you don't think I undermine your situation, when I say in such a trite way: "You're not alone".

[cookie]

"...dominance of the heavies..."

What a great tune title! Like the inverse of "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies"!!!

[walto]

Wow, that's a lot of tsurus falling your way, Cookie. Hang in there. Things have a weird way of getting better sometimes, too.

[Monte Smith]

Always look on the bright side of life, whistle whistle whistle whistle.

[Pete C]

Originally Posted by cookie

Is it weak to reach out?

No, it's weak NOT to reach out.

Sorry you're going through some tough stuff. But always remember that whatever's happening at the moment is not the core of your existence or your self. You've got challenges, but you'll make the necessary adjustments. You've always shown, both online and the few times we've met, that you're very centered. Being sad isn't bad when you have reason to be sad. It'll pass, even if, at any moment it seems hopeless.

I have a friend who's been going through tough times from a slow motion breakup with kids involved, and he was upset about not being able to get his work done because of anxiety. A doctor suggested some kind of drug, and I weighed in against it. They're trying to prescribe away the messy emotions of a life crisis for a guy who's usually one of the most focused, laid back people I know. I told him if he WASN'T having problems, considering what he's going through, that would be something to worry about.

Cookie, you need to keep perspective and draw on the stuff in your self that's positive while negative stuff is going on (bet you're thinking that kind of touchy feely therapy-speak doesn't sound like Pete). I was really bummed out when I was unemployed for an extended period. I had financial worries, an uncertain future, and I was too anxious to settle down and turn the time into an asset and do as much writing as I could have. People asked me how I was doing. I thought about it--I wasn't "depressed," though some people might have used that word, but I was anxious and bummed out and upset, but I also had lots of supportive friends, I continued to enjoy my passions for food and music, and I had plans for projects to work on when I was in the right frame of mind. So I told people that I was both happy and unhappy at the same time--I was multitasking. I think if you sort out the things that are going on and realize none have changed your inner self it's possible to be sad and happy at the same time, and the happy part keeps the sad part from taking over.

[patricia]

Cookie, the thing that you must try to do is focus.
Your son's condition, though it's a shock to hear, is something that can and will be controlled by medication and careful observation. Your part in that will be spelled out by his physician. Listen to him/her and take it from there.

Without going into any personal details, [and yes, I do know what you are talking about], the disconnect in your marriage is not as uncommon as it probably feels right now. Think very carefully about what your alternatives are before you do anything that may cause even more anxiety than you are experiencing now.

As for your friend's betrayal, there are two ways of dealing with that, one of which you must choose.
Alternative #1 - You sit down and talk to him about the breach of trust and try to move forward, if their friendship is important to you, setting new parameters.
They would be on probation in a way. They earn your trust this time.
OR
Alternative #2 - He's dead to you, if the breach is insurmountable, and you move on.
Both involve assessing the situation and deciding whether this person is adding anything to your life. If they are, then try to save the friendship.
If they are just part of the totality, but non-essential, it's up to them to show you that they are a valuable friend to you.

[cookie]

Thanks, folks. I appreciate the support and advice both here and in PM. Just needed to vent and get some perspective. It's a tough trick---these days, anyway.

Thanks again.

[LennyH]

Originally Posted by cookie

Oh, yeah: and we just found out our youngest has a form of epilepsy.

Sorry, cookie. Is it what they call "silent epilepsy"?

[cookie]

Originally Posted by LennyH

Sorry, cookie. Is it what they call "silent epilepsy"?

It's called Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. I think he's been having "absence seizures" for a while now, but we didn't think they were anything more than just not paying attention. I honestly believe that it may have been contributing to some problems at school and home for quite a while now,

He also has the typical morning seizures when he doesn't get enough sleep. He can't hold things and often falls down. I wasn't really aware of it until I saw it on a camping trip. At first, I thought he was just trying to get out of camp work, but he and his brother said that it happens frequently when they are on sleepovers.

He's a pretty textbook case based on what I've been reading about the condition. I hope they can control it and that it doesn't escalate (as it often can)into full, tonic-clonic seizures. Finding the right meds can be tough. It is a chronic condition that won't go away, so he will need to be mindful of it for the rest of his life. I'm not sure he really gets that yet.

We will be working with the school to see if he may need any services to help him be more successful.

Sigh. One day at a time....

[Jesse]

[rollhead]

Cookie,

You probably have already thought about this, but just an idea. I am guessing there are a lot of epilepsy support groups out there.
http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/support_groups

Also, keep this in mind... an enormous number of great people had epilepsy

http://www.disabled-world.com/artman...y-famous.shtml

[Chris D]

Best to you in these hard times, cookie.

[cookie]

Thanks again, folks. Yes, Rollhead. I found epilepsy.com very helpful. I have also been using epilepsyfoundation.org.

Fifteen minutes after I found out, one of my long-term students came for her lesson. She's a medical doctor and we dispensed with her lesson while she helped me sort through the news. She brought up some excellent points about the long-term. For instance, Joe won't be able to drink alcohol in the way some of his peers may eventually. He will need to be consistent in taking his meds. He'll need more sleep. It will take management of his lifestyle. She compared it to teaching a child diabetic to understand his chronic condition. I can already see that Joe thinks it's as simple as taking a pill. It may take him a while to understand that the pill a)may not eventually work well for him (though I sincerely hope it does), and b) that he needs to pay attention and take care of himself because the medicine isn't a cure.

Sigh. We'll make it. I really appreciate being able to vent a little here and I appreciate your concern and suggestions, everyone.

[sonic1]

Cookie,

Though I only know you through pixels, I can say I love you darlin'.

I have had a shitty few years. Divorce, bankruptcy, children moved across the country, health problems, etc.

I decided I would continue to just have fun and fuck it. We are all doomed to the same ending and I would rather go out having had fun rather than lament all that has not worked out. But of course I came to that conclusion after much freaking out and sadness and anger and such.

Anyway, everyone here loves you because you're fucking awesome. "God", or whatever seems to make the rules around here, seems to have it out for the good people, so if you're getting shit from the universe, consider it a compliment.

[Jazzzoline]

Don't give up Cookie !! You have to believe better days will come.

[Ron Thorne]

Cookie, Peppercorn has the utmost confidence in you to overcome any and all obstacles which may impede you or your family's forward progress or enjoyment of life.

I'm sending some good Alaskan vibes your way, my friend.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by cookie

Is that a terrible thing to admit? I'm sad.

Is it weak to reach out? I usually do my best to "walk it off..."

Hell no, Cookie.


I think we do our best to sheild ourselves from hurt and to admit it does, goes last. I am just as guilty, Cookie. But I will still bear my soul here knowing there are some awesomely good people still here on these boards.

My heart bleeds for you, Cookie.


And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on....you know where to find me. OK?

[Gentle Giant]

Fortunately, or unfortunately, you're not alone. As you acknowledged this is as tough a time as any of us have witnessed in our lives, and you don't have to live in some destitute third-world country to feel like you're suffering a lack of stability, financial resources, safety, hope, and confidence.

Bad news tends to come in threes and it's important to not let them stack themselves one on top of the other in your head. Each one is a separate issue and if you keep them separate, you'll find that there are spaces in between each one in which blessings and good fortune rest quietly. They don't shout at you so it's easy to forget them, and if you stack the bad shit, the good things can hide behind them. That's why you have to give everything its due discretely.

I also have marriage issues and severe financial stress, and it's hard to practice what you preach, so I've had my own down periods. Ultimately, people tend to find what they're looking for, so I try to look for the good stuff. I wish you luck in doing likewise.

[Pete C]

Originally Posted by Gentle Giant

Bad news tends to come in threes

No it doesn't. Humans tend to look for patterns, 3 in western cultures being one of them.

[Gordon B]

Originally Posted by Pete C

No it doesn't. Humans tend to look for patterns, 3 in western cultures being one of them.

I hate to scare you, but you are starting to sound like me

[Uli]

Originally Posted by Gentle Giant

marriage issues and severe financial stress

Tha's not an unusual pattern. No romance without finance.

Wish you all the best, cookie. Hang in there.

[Gentle Giant]

Originally Posted by Pete C

No it doesn't. Humans tend to look for patterns, 3 in western cultures being one of them.

Tad irrelevant given the context, wouldn't you say?

[hornplayer]

just seeing this thread for the first time, and sending you hugs, Cookie!

I was thinking about you yesterday as I was enjoying my coffee from the mug you brought me.

There's a lot of good advice in the posts above. I would just add that there are several alternatives to jeans that don't fit other than throwing them away....

In any case, If you want to talk in real time, you know how to find me.

xoxo
hp

[clinthopson]

Cooks,

My best thoughts go out to you. It seems like that in some time of life, almost everyone is dealt a (or many) crappy hand(s).

The positive thing about epilepsy is that there are some very effective medications and therapy available.

There are no meds for failing personal relationships but good friends are a wonderful therapy.

About all one can do is believe that this too shall pass.

[cookie]

Thank you again, everyone. It really helps. I keep coming back and reading what you've written (and what folks have sent by PM). It helps keep my spirits up and there are some very good ideas I wouldn't have considered. This is where I am today:

Financial: We can economize. We are eating out less and will probably drop tv soon. I am also trying to save gas by doing some errands on foot, I'm not buying as much new clothing for myself etc. I *am*using the extra time to practice---esp.piano---diligently (I'm keeping a practice journal).

The marriage: I was ready to get my own apartment the night before the diagnosis. It's just been so tense in the house. I felt like the only way to create peace for everyone was to just leave the situation, at least for a little while. Well, the next afternoon, that absolutely changed. I can't walk out right now (maybe for a weekend sometime, but I can't establish another household). Fortunately, a positive aspect of the diagnosis is that it pulled everybody up short for a few days and everybody has really been working hard to get along. We'll make it work because it has to work. It isn't easy. But this is certainly NOT the time to make big decisions like throwing the "jeans" out.

The "friend": I'll just let go of it.

The epilepsy: will be a continuing journey. My kid had two small seizures at school today. It may be the medication. There is a call in to the neurologist. We'll see what he says.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Again, your support and advice has truly helped. Pete's multi-tasking happy/sad fits my situation pretty well. I'm not in a major depression (have been to that scary place before. This isn't it), but I am persistently frustrated by my life as of late. It's been like this for a while. I needed to let off some stress and am glad I asked you folks for some perspective. Thank you!

[Dr Dave]

If you're sad, that only proves that you are sane. These are sad times.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally Posted by Pete C

No, it's weak NOT to reach out.

Sorry you're going through some tough stuff. But always remember that whatever's happening at the moment is not the core of your existence or your self. You've got challenges, but you'll make the necessary adjustments. You've always shown, both online and the few times we've met, that you're very centered. Being sad isn't bad when you have reason to be sad. It'll pass, even if, at any moment it seems hopeless.

I have a friend who's been going through tough times from a slow motion breakup with kids involved, and he was upset about not being able to get his work done because of anxiety. A doctor suggested some kind of drug, and I weighed in against it. They're trying to prescribe away the messy emotions of a life crisis for a guy who's usually one of the most focused, laid back people I know. I told him if he WASN'T having problems, considering what he's going through, that would be something to worry about.

Cookie, you need to keep perspective and draw on the stuff in your self that's positive while negative stuff is going on (bet you're thinking that kind of touchy feely therapy-speak doesn't sound like Pete). I was really bummed out when I was unemployed for an extended period. I had financial worries, an uncertain future, and I was too anxious to settle down and turn the time into an asset and do as much writing as I could have. People asked me how I was doing. I thought about it--I wasn't "depressed," though some people might have used that word, but I was anxious and bummed out and upset, but I also had lots of supportive friends, I continued to enjoy my passions for food and music, and I had plans for projects to work on when I was in the right frame of mind. So I told people that I was both happy and unhappy at the same time--I was multitasking. I think if you sort out the things that are going on and realize none have changed your inner self it's possible to be sad and happy at the same time, and the happy part keeps the sad part from taking over.

Excexllent post, Pete.


A heart of GOLD you have.


No kidding.

[bruce massey]

Yeah, hang in there Cookie. You've been through enough to understand that this too shall pass. I hope your tomorrows fly by til you get to the one that is brighter and better.

Betrayal sucks!