Breaking News

Henry Mars · September-29th-2003, 06:13 PM

The European Union has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the one other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government has conceded that English spelling does actually have some small, but significant, room for improvement and has thus accepted a 5-year phase-in-plan of these improvements that will eventually become known as "Euro English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

In the sekond year, there will be growing publik enthusiasm when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to

akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z", and "w" with "v".

During the fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a United Urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad u smil ples pas on to oza pepl.

Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!!

Jazzmoose · September-29th-2003, 06:15 PM

Sergio Zamora · September-29th-2003, 06:27 PM

Hogan!

Dennis Gonzalez · September-29th-2003, 06:41 PM

Very well done, Henry.

bluenoter · September-29th-2003, 06:53 PM

It was also well done by the 1,390 websites that posted it first; the earliest posting that I noticed in the Google results dated from 1999. "Breaking news," indeed.

Henry Mars · September-29th-2003, 08:06 PM

You are quite right bluenoter. I should have mentioned that it came in as an attachment on one of my emails I was in a hurry. Sorry I didn't do it though.

Monte Smith · September-30th-2003, 10:40 AM

Ah, don't let Bluenoter's carping drag you down. That was a hilarious post, and I thank you for bringing it to ze atenshun of ze Aley.

Funny, but it looks like Goodspeak's English is half or three-quarters of the way to the European norm. Bravo, GS.

bluenoter · September-30th-2003, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Monte Smith
Ah, don't let Bluenoter's carping drag you down.

Dennis Gonzalez · September-30th-2003, 01:50 PM

I got ya carp:

bluenoter · September-30th-2003, 02:24 PM

Dennis! Were you trying to make it look exactly like me?