Father Bad Off Again

[Gary Sisco]

My father was rushed to the hospital last night, with congestive heart failure. I'd spent three hours with him and my mother yesterday trying to convince him to go to the hospital, rather than dealing with the primary care nitwit who diagnosed his lung cancer as "post nasal drip" (some of you may recall, from earlier this year). No dice. Everything's under control, he gasped. I mean, he was gasping like a fish out of water. He couldn't walk across a small room without getting completely winded. I thought he was going to go right there, after he did. My RN mom, also no dice.

I'm telling you, I don't whether to cry or punch someone out, it's so frustrating when your parents start behaving like children and digging their heels in, to boot. Fucking hardheads.

Anyway, with no luck after talking all afternoon, I come home so Bronwyn's caregiver can leave. We have dinner. We try to deal with all of the other day's disasters, like a company sending us precisely all the wrong stuff we didn't need or want to finish the barn with, all that. Just as I get into bed and settle in with a book and some music, the phone rings. I don't get to it in time. So I star 69. My folks, of course. Then my pager goes off. My folks, of course. I call right away. They've already in the meantime called my sister and she's on her way to bring him to the hospital -- 30+ miles away. Bronwyn and I are, like, don't you think it would be a better idea to call 911 and go by ambulance? Nah, everything's under control. No problem. Right.

So now he's back in ICU. My brother's on his way, again, from northern Maine, a full day's drive away (he called me at O Dark Thirty this morning). I'm on my way into the hospital. My RN sister is worried to death and frustrated as I, but in Washington state, and so too far away to be able to do anything about anything.

Fuckin' 'ell.

[Monte Smith]

Good luck to the old man, Gary. And to the whole family.

[cookie]

Oh, Gary, man! That just sucks.

Good luck to you and your family. My prayers and thoughts going out toward y'all.

Losing a parent is the absolute fucking worst thing ever.

Good luck to your old man.

[Chris D]

Stay strong, brother.

[Brian Olewnick]

As always, best of luck.

[John B]

We will keep your father in our thoughts. Best wishes.

[Jason Bivins]

Hang in there, Gary. Thinking of you.

[Jim Dye]

Hoping for the best, Gary. We're all pulling for your dad.

[hornplayer]

I'm SO sorry to hear this Gary! It's awful when the parents become the children, and even worse when they won't listen.

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers..

hp

[clinthopson]

My heart goes out to you Gary, having been down the same road with my mother.

Sorry to hear that news, Gary. Hang in there.

John

[tippy]

Gary, I'm really sorry for your situation. I hope your father receives the care he needs and is feeling well soon.

[Ron Thorne]

As you know by now, Gary, all of us want only the best outcome for you and your entire family. My thoughts are with you, my friend.

[bluenoter]

I too wish you and your family the best, Gary, including the best possible care for your dad. Good luck!

[stonemonkts]

I'm sorry, Gary. All the best to you and your family.

[Tanager]

Originally posted by Gary Sisco
I'm telling you, I don't whether to cry or punch someone out, it's so frustrating when your parents start behaving like children and digging their heels in, to boot. Fucking hardheads.

You ain't kidding.

Thinking of you and your Dad, Gary.

[HenryMc]

Hang in there Man
Our thoughts are with you

[Sergio Zamora]

It's sad reading about your pops, G. Hang in there, man. We got your back

[Gary Sisco]

Thanks to all, very much. There's not much new to say. Basically, he can't breathe without this oxygen bag thing they have attached to his face. They wanted to do a CAT scan yesterday afternoon but to do so, the patient has to be able to hold his breath for at least 20 seconds, and he can't hold it at all. So that was out. And people were coming in and out of the room doing this and that with various machines but not telling anyone anything about what the machine's might be telling them, only what the machines do. It's a very frustrating experience. Yesterday he was in and out of the ICU and last word last night was that they were moving him back to the original ward.

Everyone left from the old clan, which was once huge, was there except my sister in Washington. Ain't but a few of us left. My brother and I stopped for a shot and a beer on the way back home. Things aren't looking good at all but I haven't any new news yet today.

As always, I appreciate you guys very much, when things like this go down. It is a real if strange little community, for which I'm grateful.

[tippy]

Thanks for keeping us posted, Gary. We are all hoping for the best. Hang in there!

[Douglas]

Here's hoping for the best, Gary.

[Tom Storer]

Good luck to your dad and your whole family. Keep us posted.

[Kevin Bresnahan]

Gary, I hope those "miracles of modern medicine" keep the ol guy going. I'm pulling for him.

Kevin

[bostontricky]

Gary - For better or for worse, I've gone through the same routine with two grandmothers, who have proved one thing: old folks are resilient as hell, and if you could package that brand of stubborn determination they possess, you'd make a mint. Hang in there.

[patricia]

Gary, keep the faith. It is true that the children become the parents. My folks lived to be ninety [Mother with Altzeimer's, Dad with the aftermath of a stroke] and it was often so frustrating for me to be the grownup. They kind of pay us back for being asses as kids I kept thinking at the time. The circle of life was never more clearly defined.
All the best for your family.

[Valerie]

Gary: Your frustration is palpable!! I so relate to what you and your family are going through. I'm glad that you have siblings and Bronwyn and that you're not alone. It's just a nightmare any way you slice it though. And, as you have pointed out, the pain and frustration are often compounded by the very "professionals" we're dependent upon!

You have a lot of folks pulling for you and your loved ones, Gary. Please include me among them.

My best,

Valerie

[Nathaniel Catchpole]

Gary, good luck with this mate.

[Gary Sisco]

Hi, all, and thanks all. It's pretty clear, now, that even if they get the current situation's most dramatic symptoms under control, he's soon a goner, I'm afraid. The doctor expects that there is both an extreme pneumonia and cancer in his remaining lung, but they can't test for the cancer until his current condition is stabilized somewhat, if possible, because the tests alone would do him in. But that is the doctor's suspicion (and that one, at least, seems like an honest and intelligent guy -- at least he'll answer the questions one has without resorting to mumbling some gibberish or another -- and my RN sister arrived yesterday a.m. so at least we have a translator available now). If he's correct, the only thing remaining today after clearing the pneumonia, if possible, is palliative care for pain and comfort. My own suspicion is that he's metastasized, given the extreme physical wasting of the past eight weeks or so. Finding cancer in the lung at all would confirm my suspicion, as he was, at least according to the hospital doctors at the time, free of cancer in his remaining lung a few months back when they removed the other.

I began to have some guilt feelings yesterday for a while because after his last surgery, we had a long talk when he asked me what I thought about the chemo alternative the doc was saying would give him another 5% chance of recovery. I told him that, speaking for myself, I wouldn't do it in his very weakened condition, and facing all sorts of uncertainties like selling their house and finding another place and moving, after 38 years in the same place. Moving itself is a major stresser, never mind in a VT winter, and he was still very weak and ill, physically, and also very depressed, already, and chemo wasn't going to help with any of those things, and would in fact make the whole thing even harder and possibly dangerous as well, to add weakness to weakness and illness to illness, not to mention completely suppressing his immune system at the outset of flu season and after only recently having pneumonia and spending signficant time in a hospital (which, because of fiercely aggressive strains of bacteria, mainly due to the overuse of antibiotics and the near complete lack of personal hygeine practices among hospital employees, surgeons very much included, according to all studies, is now perhaps the most dangerous place to be for ill people, which even the doctors openly admit).

Anyway, I started wishing I hadn't said all of that when I did, but Bronwyn reminded me that I was very clear at the time that I was only talking for myself and couldn't tell him which course to choose, if only because I'm not at all attached to the idea of living as a thing in itself, if it means living in misery. She's right that I was very clear at the time, but it did still bother me while listening to the doctor's suspicions right there in the room with the old man, who was literally fighting for every breath and in intense discomfort from dryness of the throat because of the forced oxygen he can't breathe without.

It's an intense mix of emotions, man. I mean, I know I'm not unique in this experience. We all face it sooner or later, but we also all face it for a first time as well (assuming we live long enough ourselves), which this is, for me. I've lost all of my grandparents, most of the adults in our old clan, and many, many friends through the years, but I've always had my folks.

And to be honest, I'm not at all emotionally prepared or even intellectually prepared to be the old man of what used to be an enormous clan and is now just us.

I want to thank you all again for your friendship and best wishes. I appreciate the crew here, very much.

[jesus marion joseph]

Gary, please add me to the list of those who wish you well. You're right, that we all have to face this kind of situation sooner or later, but I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier. I hope all works out for the best.