Christmas is about gift taking in my wife's family

[steve(thelil)]

They're fabulous people and all that but the Christmas thing bums the living fork out of me.

I have alot of malaise/annoyance this time of year and its hard even to separate the sources.
But the whole Christmas/materialism nexus is really, eally depressing.

At least in my wife's evil family, too much of Christmas is about people announcing what they want and other people assigned to getting it for them. They're well meaning, I think, but it really freaks me out.

I mean, I don't have alot of money but chances are that if I wanted something someonce could easily afford to get me I would have bought it for me by now (bah fucking humbug, I know) . So it comes down to my wife begging me to know what people can buy me that I didn't think was worth it enough to buy for myself.

Gift giving should be about gift giving. Not gift taking. Giving someone something that might possibly be important because you wanted them to have it.

Yes, I turned down an Ipod.

But then again, I'm a fucking saint.

[tippy]

Just tell them you want an Old Spice gift set, thelil. Or how about a year's supply of internet, a fancy hamster cage, and a kazoo.

[bostontricky]

[GoodSpeak]

First of all...what the hell is an Ipod? I wager that only people intimately connected with the materialist ideology alledgedly surrounding Christmas [and it's subsequent pseudo justifications to continually bash it at will] will know what an Ipod is.

Secondly, [and I NEVER do this sort of correcting, but this one just irritates the hell out of me] there is no such thing as the word "alot." It just plain does not exist. Allot, however, does...but they are hardly interchangable. A lot, not alot. I thank you in advance.

And it further seems to me that you're letting your own selfish view of Christmas, and all of its supposed materialism, cloud the gift you may give or receive.

Is it at all possible that your own narrow view of the Christmas gift giving Tradition is allowing you to feel so smug about "materialism" and, in fact, is the REAL problem here?

To quote: They're fabulous people and all that but the Christmas thing bums the living fork out of me. Hmmm. Me thinks thou dost protest too much, Dear [thelil].


I love to give gifts this time of year...and would year around if I had the money. Could the same be true of your wife's family?



Boorishness on sale in the theatre lobby as you pass the Christmas tree.

[Canuck Don]

The below article was first published in the Toronto Sun newspaper in 2002. Kind of interesting.

The Christmas stress
By VALERIE GIBSON -- Toronto Sun
No matter your religion, lack of it or your alternative views, Christmas is an important time of year.

Ah, yes, it's a time when we're encouraged to be more loving and giving, and when we should think of those less fortunate.

I don't mean shoving the odd $5 bill that was left over from your enormous bill at the supermarket in the little old lady's plastic Salvation Army ball to make you feel that at least you "did something for others."

How about a reality check?

Far from being a time when people give up something to the impoverished, in contemporary times, it's when the majority of the population totally overindulges by overdrinking, overeating and overspending.

And, being the intelligent, aware people that we are, this has made the Christmas period very stressful indeed. (Overindulgence only works for those who are numbingly unaware or couldn't give a damn about those in lesser circumstances. Otherwise, it's an exercise in living with, and trying to ignore, major guilt at such excess.)

There's no question that everything we do at this time seems to bring extra stress.

Hey, it's party time! This is great and should be a wonderful, fun time to socialize and relax with friends, family and co-workers.

But what happens? Everyone is uptight about drinking and driving (for good reason), so no one relaxes or stays for long and the host or hostess is left with a load of booze and food no one had the time or inclination to consume. (How many Thai wraps do we have left? And do they freeze?)

Or they are not used to drinking, so they get plonked right away and have a fight with their partner or their co-workers on the spot and no one has the time or inclination to work out what to do with their car and, especially, with someone who is going to hinder the next appointment on their list.

Of course, gift-giving is where the spirit of the season shines through. Thoughtful gifts show you care about someone.

Eek! Who has the time for this in-depth psychoanalysis?

This is when you realize you don't have a clue about your friends' needs, fantasies, etc. and, what's worse and more guilt-provoking, you haven't a clue about your partner's needs, fantasies, etc. And you begin to wonder (a) why that is and what is wrong with your relationship, and (b) if you want to know anyway?

Gee, then it really hits home how isolated and self-absorbed modern life is. But this self-revelation is useless while standing in the middle of a department store packed with equally stunned, spaced-out and exhausted Christmas shoppers looking for the "right" gift. It's always with the knowledge it won't be "right" since they'll know you simply picked something up for them in a crowded department store when you were on the run. Erk, the guilt ...

Of course, this is a time when you can also celebrate your close family ties, your marriage, partnership or the unselfish support of your friends.

That is, of course, if you're speaking to each other.

There's nothing like Christmas to sharpen up those old family feuds and major irritations in your relationship.

Had a problem all year about the frequency of sex? The subject is bound to come up over Christmas, probably at a cocktail party in front of other people who will happily prick up their ears at the sound of the sexual whining in those so-called "jokes" about how little the two of you get together intimately. Good for another fight and even less sex later on when you both collapse into bed at the end of the long day.

And no, guys, it doesn't help filling her stocking with sex videos, chocolate licking sauce, crotchless panties or penis pasta. It only works when she buys those for you.

Oh, and those family get-togethers? When everyone pretends they're part of the Cratchit family and it's, "No matter how little we have, we have each other" stuff?

Forget it! Most relatives pretend they love your gift but secretly hate it and immediately start thinking of when they're going to find time to take it back, or think how cheap you've been. Or they are at each other's throats over real or imagined slights before the first glass of wine is consumed. Then they spend the rest of the time desperately pretending they're truly close and loving because it's the season, when all they really want is for this "togetherness" to be over and go home and stick to the once-a-week, two-minute phone calls.

But, jeepers, I can't keep writing my Grinch column forever. Have to get out there and shop and spend and eat and drink and be loving and giving to others and generally be merry.

But I can surely feel content in the knowledge that all the massive effort, preparation and expenditure will surely make it the best two days of the year!

I hope they are for you. Honest!

[picsou]

Originally posted by GoodSpeak
First of all...what the hell is an Ipod? I wager that only people intimately connected with the materialist ideology alledgedly surrounding Christmas [and it's subsequent pseudo justifications to continually bash it at will] will know what an Ipod is.

Secondly, [and I NEVER do this sort of correcting, but this one just irritates the hell out of me] there is no such thing as the word "alot." It just plain does not exist. Allot, however, does...but they are hardly interchangable. A lot, not alot. I thank you in advance.

And it further seems to me that you're letting your own selfish view of Christmas and all of it's supposed materialism, cloud the gift you make give or receive.

And why do I see more and more it's instead of its? Are they interchangeable?

[Ron Thorne]

Originally posted by picsou
And why do I see more and more it's instead of its? Are they interchangeable?

In a word ... no.

Of course, I'm hoping that GS will also chime in here, picsou.

Discovering what an iPod is shouldn't be all that difficult, GoodSpeak. Hint: It's not "intimately connected with the materialist ideology alledgedly surrounding Christmas".

http://store.apple.com/1-800-MY-APPL...re?family=iPod

[steve(thelil)]

"alot" is way more correcterer than "borish" (I think he means boorish).

[mke]

Originally posted by steve(thelil)
"alot" is way more correcterer than "borish" (I think he means boorish).

But it doesn't really matter, as GS is responding, not to what you wrote, but to his own fabulations, the source of which are destined to remain anonymous to the rest of us.

[tippy]

alot is a fine word. I use it to mean "much" or "many." Thanks alot for the article, Don.

[Gary Sisco]

Opt out, Steve. It's an immense relief. I can't afford that crazy shit, either, but wouldn't even if I could.

And, by the way, say what anyone wants, an economy that depends very much on retail sales from one holiday is not a secure economy. Economies (of any kind) are based on the making of things, not the selling of things. Something too many Americans have forgotten, if they ever knew it to begin with. And nearly everything they sell is made ... somewhere else. It's merely sold here. The value-added steps along the way to retail, not to mention the skilled blue collar trades required for manufacture, also, for the most part, happen ... elsewhere.

It's a real challenge today to find anything at all for sale that was made in the US of A. A lot of the food, even, arrives from elsewhere via plane or ship.

[mke]

Originally posted by Gary Sisco
It's a real challenge today to find anything at all for sale that was made in the US of A. A lot of the food, even, arrives from elsewhere via plane or ship.

That does not mean that the profit is not accruing to US companies. And many 3rd-World countries complain that the 1st-World agricultural markets are very closed to their products. Even the Belgian Prime Minister admits to this.

[Tanager]

Originally posted by Gary Sisco
Economies (of any kind) are based on the making of things, not the selling of things.

I would argue precisely the opposite. An economy is based on trading (AKA "selling" and "buying") of goods/services/labor. Simply producing something neither generates demand nor income, unless you view the production through the prism of the worker being paid for participating in the production - it all comes down to trading X for Y, IMHO.

I've also read the same thing as MKE vis-a-vis Western agro-markets being largely closed to 3rd World products, especially in the areas of basic large-scale foodstuffs (rice, wheat, etc.). We produce enough grains to feed ourselves many times over, but that gets us back into farm subsidies, etc., which is probably a topic for a different thread.

FWIW, I think it's a good idea, assuming you want to celebrate this or that holiday at all (I think the discussion could easily extend past Christmas to just about any major holiday you care to name), to establish some sort of family/circle of friends/community tradition that is apart from those forced on us by consumer culture. Part of what makes (and, perhaps, keeps) a festival day of any sort relevant is the celebration of some tradition which pertains to that day, some remembrance of why that day matters in the first place. To the extent I agree with Gary on matters of Christmas, I definitely think that divorcing yourself from the gift-giving orgy is a healthy thing for all, whether you want to celebrate the holiday itself or not.

(BTW, I don't think that a tradition need have any particular religious significance, so don't think I'm arguing for that at all. I'm not.)

[Chris D]

I have a problem with rampant materialism at this time of year, too. It brings me down.
A lot of that has to do with growing up in a family that didn't have much, and having my birthday on Dec. 23. I learned very early that love does NOT equal presents, and it's a lesson I treasure.
Segue to...
Last Friday was our son Anthony's fourth birthday. My wife's father and stepmother were in town for Thanksgiving, and they announced at dinner that they would take Anthony to Toys R Us on the day after to shop for his birthday gift(s). All well and good....
Well, they take him there and tell him he can GET ANYTHING HE WANTS!
They come home with the BIG Rescue Hero Command Center, the jet that goes with it, a Power Ranger toy, Pokemon cards, a Pokemon tape, Yu-Gi-Oh! cards....
MAN! I was very conflicted about it. We have tried really hard to get him to be appreciative and grateful. Hard to do in the face of that spree.
Plus it made the Spiderman watch and lunch box we got him -- which he had asked for and would have loved with nothing else attached -- a sidelight.
Big sigh. Tell me Christmas won't be anticlimactic after that.
Then again, when he's older, he might just remember going to the store, holding Grandma and Grandpa's hands and feeling good.

[Brian Olewnick]

Wait a minute. How could an "evil" family have produced an offspring as breathtakingly, drop-dead gorgeous as Mrs. (thelil)????

Not possible, says I.

[al j]

Christmas is about gift taking in my wife's family

I resent the implication.

(I love this time of year)

[patricia]

I know what you mean, Chris, both about your birthday and about teaching children to appreciate gifts.
My birthday is in the first week in January, so most of the time growing up. gifts from relatives at Christmas had "Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday" on the tag.
As for my kids, they got one gift from Santa and everything else [one gift per family member and relative], on my insistance, was tagged from whoever gave it to them. They stopped getting a gift from Santa, when they realized there wasn't a Santa. They were told that they could give one gift to whoever it was and no more. The exception to the one gift directive was the one gift from me they could open Christmas Eve, which was ALWAYS pjamas and a tree ornament. Funny thing. Both my daughters are grown now and they still want the pjamas and a tree ornament from me and my oldest, who is married, has carried on the tradition, which I had no idea I was establishing.
I have gifts which my kids made for me, when they were little, still. One was a felt pouch with contrasting flower glued to it, which holds nothing and another is a flat, clay, purple-striped heart, painted with "I love you" on it, that does nothing but be. It really is the thought that counts, if there was thought and not merely seasonal obligation.
If Christmas brings that out in us, then that's good.

[clinthopson]

Originally posted by GoodSpeak
First of all...what the hell is an Ipod?

'Speakoroonie - my ipod is my new best friend, as I told Jim Dye. I go nowhere without it. I wuv it.

Of course I fucked up Donna's gift plans by copping it before the holidays, impatient bastard that I am.

As far as gift giving to relatives is concerned, I don't give anybody anything until I see what they giive me and have it appraised. Then I may present them with something of slightly lesser value. Of course my gifts are always lete but it's the thought that counts, right?

I am not competitive when it comes to profligate spending except on myself.

[patricia]

'Tis to laugh, Clint. You always come through for me. Thank you.

[Salvador Dali Lama]

Originally posted by Gary Sisco
And, by the way, say what anyone wants, an economy that depends very much on retail sales from one holiday is not a secure economy. Economies (of any kind) are based on the making of things, not the selling of things. Something too many Americans have forgotten, if they ever knew it to begin with. And nearly everything they sell is made ... somewhere else. It's merely sold here. The value-added steps along the way to retail, not to mention the skilled blue collar trades required for manufacture, also, for the most part, happen ... elsewhere.

and thats severely fucked ('specially for dummies like me that do manual labor). not many people seem to be able to grasp this very concrete concept.

I feel the same way you feel steve. I really don't like christmas at all. I'd just assume let it go by without notice.

You might shoulda taken that Ipod though, those things are kickass.

[Alastair]

Originally posted by Salvador Dali Lama


I'd just assume let it go by without notice.

Err...perhaps "I'd just as soon"?

[patricia]

I'm reminded of something my late mother said to me, and probably to everybody else, when she was in her mid-seventies. She told us to quit giving her sweaters she wasn't going to wear, candy she wasn't going to eat and perfume that she would rather die than spray on herself. She said that by then, if she didn't have something, it was because she didn't want it.
She suggested that we instead, make a date with her to take her out for dinner, then to a club or show, get her tipsy and make sure that she got home safely. That's what we all, separately, did, for several years, until she was too ill to go.
Made sense then and makes sense now.
Who needs more cologne etc.??

[Chris D]

You are one level-headed woman, patricia.

[Tanager]

Originally posted by Chris D
You are one level-headed woman, patricia.

Patricia's Mom is the level-headed one. Haven't you seen Patricia's "I need more stuff NOW' thread?

[Salvador Dali Lama]

right you are Alastair... to early in the morning.

......its morning for me anyway.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally posted by Ron Thorne
Discovering what an iPod is shouldn't be all that difficult, GoodSpeak. Hint: It's not "intimately connected with the materialist ideology alledgedly surrounding Christmas".

http://store.apple.com/1-800-MY-APPL...re?family=iPod

It's not a thing, hence, materialistic?

Originally posted by Ron Thorne
In a word ... no.

Of course, I'm hoping that GS will also chime in here, picsou.

It's is a contraction for it is.

Its is the possesive form of it.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally posted by tippy
alot is a fine word. I use it to mean "much" or "many." Thanks alot for the article, Don.

Alot is not a word.

Allot is.

[GoodSpeak]

Originally posted by Joe Christmas
I resent the implication.

(I love this time of year)

Bravo!

[GoodSpeak]

Originally posted by mke
But it doesn't really matter, as GS is responding, not to what you wrote, but to his own fabulations, the source of which are destined to remain anonymous to the rest of us.

I make one correction, count 'em, ONE and all of a sudden we're back on the bash Goody train?

I quote: Secondly, [and I NEVER do this sort of correcting, but this one just irritates the hell out of me] there is no such thing as the word "alot."

[Hm. Interesting you would complain. You may want to take note of your comma splices in the above sentence...redundant and non-standard use of a conjunction, holier-than-thou condemnation, etc.]


Here's to stones and glass houses.




Amazing.

[Tanager]

Originally posted by GoodSpeak
holier-than-thou condemnation

Are there grammatically correct and incorrect ways to make holier-than-thou condemnations?