Listening Habits

[chuckyd4]

This is a question for those of you with significant, live-in others, in particular. How and when do you get to listen to the stuff you really want to (i.e. how do you accommodate it with that other's tastes)?

When I was living in New York, it was never much of a problem, because I was on the train or walking around so much, that I always had a discman with me and could get in at least two or three albums a day of stuff my then-girlfriend would never have OK'd for the home stereo when we were both in the room. And in Atlanta, I get to do the same when I take the car somewhere (though the ride never seems long enough). Also, since I started my website, I've been home a lot more when my now-girlfriend is at work (or at school), so I have pretty much free reign on the stereo at home. (And with the website, this is now technically "work" for me )


And not so much when do you listen to the Ella and Louis albums that I've never known a girlfriend to have problems with, but when you want to listen to the Braxton Willisau set, how do you go about it? Do you have a separate room for listening? Do you limit it to headphones/in the car? Do you just turn it on the main stereo and stare menacingly at your significant other when they get uncomfortable and antsy?

Just curious...

[crawjo]

It's tricky. You know, I've owned John Coltrane's "Ascension" for over a year, but only listened to it a few times because my wife can't stand it. My solution is that I have a cd player in my car, so some of the stuff that I can't listen to in the living room I'll listen to when I'm driving.

[Douglas]

My wife is generally very tolerant, but there are limits to be respected. Only once did has she said explicitly never to play a particular record again in her presence - thankfully it was something I wont be playing again in any case. Headphones, different room, and habitually rising a couple of hours earlier help pack in the ones that may push the boundaries too far.

[Jonny Miner]

My lady's gone with me to quite a few shows--things like Alan Silva's Celestrial Communications Orchestra, William Parker's various groups, etc. She can appreciate the music, but often doesn't like it in the home. I usually either listen when she's working in another room, or with headphones.

Still, I never know what she'll like. Playing Albert Ayler's "Music is the Healing Force of the Universe," or Air's "Air Mail," she's gotten irritated. Playing Cecil Taylor's "Sliding Quadrants," she's said "this is beautiful."

I'm often asked to take off stuff, but then again, I often ask her to take off Cat Stevens or Aimee Mann.

At least we agree on Yo La tengo and Coltrane!

[Jimmy Cantiello]

Originally posted by Douglas
My wife is generally very tolerant, but there are limits to be respected. Only once did has she said explicitly never to play a particular record again in her presence - thankfully it was something I wont be playing again in any case.

Douglas, you've piqued my curiosity. What was the record?

As for me, I wait until I'm home alone to play certain cds. My wife is very tolerant but if I sense that I'm bothering her or anyone else for that matter, I can't enjoy it like I do when I'm all alone......................

[Douglas]

Originally posted by Jimmy Cantiello
Douglas, you've piqued my curiosity. What was the record?

Jimmy, I'll send you a PM.

[Capt. W./TX.]

In the car, on the way to and from gigs, usually works for me. At least for the real 'headbanger' stuff -Coltrane, Coleman, Lacy, Gerry Hemingway, Myra Melford, Radiohead, etc.-which I am admittedly more drawn to in recent years.

When we're both at home I usually stick to jazz piano solo and trio stuff and chamber music-but not "Interstellar Space" or "The Marmalade King"! She has a very low tolerance for most of the saxophonists I like.

I can get away with playing Paul Bley's stuff-which is maybe one reason I have a lot of it .

After I repair or replace my turntable, I'll get a new set of headphones...

[Gary Sisco]

It's not just women who need a room of their own.

I have a music room, upstairs. So Bronwyn has a category called upstairs music, which means I can play it *upstairs.* It's sometimes but not always predictable. Sometimes I put things on I think she'll dig and she doesn't. Sometimes it goes the other way. She's been to many, many shows, including many free jazz blasts, and she digs it live, because she can watch the musicians and understands the athleticism of it all, but not on the stereo. I can dig that. The music was meant to be heard live, anyway.

Upstairs, I play whatever I like, at whatever volume, with no complaints, except once when Peter Kowald was doing his throat-singing thing into his bass and the loud, low frequencies coming through the floor freaked her out. I've since played it many times at a lower volume without complaint.

I never use headphones and don't advise it. I've had tinnitus for 11 years, now. Watch that volume, guys and gals. You can suffer for it, later, believe me.

[Alastair]

In my co-habiting days I used to make sure I was home from work approx 20 minutes before my girlfriend as it meant that I could put what I wanted on the stereo and stop her from watching whatever rubbish was on the television around 6.15 weekdays. In later years, when our musical tastes diverged, she tended to go to bed earlier than I did so I had the chance to listen to an album or two before retiring that I would have been told off for at any other time. I was called a "deck hog" (I prefer "turntable totalitarian") at least twice a week.

I live on my own now - I can play what I want, when I want. When people come over who don't share my tastes I find it very hard to think what to spin that makes me look intriguing without alienating them. Luckily my usual visitors like at least some of my stuff quite a lot. King Crimson's "Red" went down very well with a mid-twenties Mr Bungle fan this weekend.

[Dick Trickle]

I had taken three, almost four years off from playing any club dates and took my listening back a few pegs during my hiatus. My current partner had not heard too much of what I like to listen to. Occasional objections were raised over some stuff... usually nothing straight ahead though.

I've been making compilations to listen to while we work and she loved everything. Especialy Art Tatum, Bill Evans and even some Dolphy is allright for her. I was really glad when Ecclusiastics came on in the mix in a Mingus disc I had in the changer. Halfway through the tune she turns to me and says "Is this an aquired taste, cuz I don't get it." I was a little sad but understood... no f#$** way was I changing it though. I tried to explain why it was so good, but realized she didn't get it.

Also, when I was playing for a crazy sax quartet back on the west coast, I worked in a bakery during the day. I played some Dolphy and Trane on several occasions and this regular comes up to me and says "Who's strangling the Cat." while Dolphy was soloing. I let someone else pour her coffee that morning.

I think the key is... get them used to it over time. Me listening to what I like can sometimes be as bad as someone trying to play Kenny G in the house or something (that I will not tolerate, so I understand when my woman can't stand what I like). Like most of you guys, I prolly do my serious freak outs in the car. Rex

[Alastair]

Oh, I forgot - "Sister Ray" by the VU is a real relationship maker or breaker. Jude managed about 14 minutes of the "White Light/White Heat" version before begging for mercy. God knows what would have happened had we still been living together when the Quine tapes box came out...

[Chris D]

True dat on "Sister Ray." In fact, almost any early Velvets/edgy Reed can try a relationship.
A spin of Lou's "Take No Prisoners" was greeted back in the day by a (now former) flame as: "Oh, great, more music to slit your wrists by."

With two kids -- 4 and almost 2 -- I listen to a LOT less music than I used to. The car is a refuge, as is late-night listening via headphones. It's the only way I hear Ornette any more.

[clinthopson]

Donna is very tolerant of my music,. In fact she digs most iof it.

She was a bit sharp with me the other day as I played Bu's "Free For All" three times in a row.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

As with Jonny Miner's sweetie, my wife can enjoy extreme stuff at a live show that she couldn't live with in the house or car.

I play music during much of my prep time in the daytime, when I'm usually the only one home, and often travelling to and from the dances, so I have plenty of time to listen to Cecil or "Machine Gun" or whatever without anyone complaining. My son's into Aphex Twin, Mr. Bungle and Tom Waits, daughter's into some good contemporary pop whose names I couldn't tell you, and we all get to hear their stuff, too. On long family trips we frequently find a common ground in oldies, which all four of us are into. The kids can't hack some of the hard core doo wop that Rita and I like, but we can all hang with Motown, Phil Spector, Marvin, etc.

I should mention, however, that I had a cat who never fully recovered from hearing Sainkho Namtchylak. I think it was the combination of the bird sounds with the throat singing -- he didn't know whether to attack it or run for his life. Always seemed kind of weirded out after that.

[chuckyd4]

Originally posted by Dick Trickle
I played some Dolphy and Trane on several occasions and this regular comes up to me and says "Who's strangling the Cat." while Dolphy was soloing.

I thought this was interesting. My cat actually loves Trane, Dolphy and a lot of others - he digs Monk most of all, perhaps. No strangling going on there, only a very happy kitty... whenever I put on some of the Monk Riverside stuff, he comes out and starts sniffing around the stereo, trying to get closer to it.

He's not totally decided on the Evan Parker solo soprano discs, though.

[Gary Sisco]

Yes, man. VU can sometimes be the real test. I have a soundboard tape of their last Paris concert on their reunion tour of the 90s, where the opener is a free-form droning blast of about 15 minutes. I played it in the car one day and, while Bronwyn was annoyed after awhile, she calmed down once they got to the songs, because she loves (most of) Lou Reed and VU. And she's still with me. That's an extreme 15 minutes, though. Especially in a car, where there's no escape.

[Tom Storer]

I do most of my listening from a portable audio device on the way to and from work, but this isn't because my wife doesn't like music. It's just a practical matter.

My wife is also one who can appreciate music live that drives her from the room when it's on the stereo. In general she's pretty good, though; the only thing that really rubs her the wrong way is music that sounds aggressively screaming to her. That goes for rock guitar solos as well as certain avant jazz horns. Abstract music without clear melodies or rhythms is no problem for her; it's when the sounds get rough and shrill that she protests.

And the other thing she doesn't like is when I play only jazz for days on end. Even if it's jazz she enjoys, she starts to exercise her prerogative to play classical or folk music, in other words to wrest totalitarian control of the stereo from me. This irks me (unjustifiably) because when I play a lot of jazz at home it's because I'm obsessing about something or just generally acting like an addict, and then as soon as my back is turned she's put on some Chopin or something, JUST when I was about to go get the next CD in my preprogrammed mental sequence. Argh! Slowly I turn, step by step...

In my college days I had a girlfriend who not only hated the free stuff, which I was listening to a lot of in those days, she also thought it was a fraud perpetrated on gullible consumers. That made me see red - I'd put on Anthony Braxton and she would tell me I had fallen for a scam, that obviously that so-called music was a lot of arbitrary nonsense and how could I spend money on it? That relationship didn't last.