Manners and etiquette

[Enforcer]

One big pain in my ass is watching generations younger than my own grow up without learning any manners. When I'm out around kids, I notice that they don't pay any attention to who is standing around them. If you're out in a public place and need to walk past them or reach for something they're standing in front of, they don't even acknowledge you. You have to say, "excuse me," or expect to stand for a few hours until they move or fall asleep and fall down, I guess. The old fashioned notion of paying attention and making an effort to preemptively step out of someone's way is ancient history.

Kids who work in retail don't say "thank you." If anything, *you* have to say thank you first. And if you do, you're often greeted with the delightful, "no problem."

Nobody holds doors anymore. I was out for lunch one day with a female coworker and opened her car door for her in the parking lot after we finished eating. There was a young guy watching who looked at me like I had three heads or something. He said to his friend, "What's up with that?" The friend shook his head and shrugged and they walked back inside.

Speaking of holding doors, good luck walking into a store if someone is directly in front of you. It's rare someone will hold the door any longer than it takes to walk past it himself. Expect it to swing back in your face and have a hand ready to stop it.

Oh, and when you greet someone else and ask her, "How are you?" the other person isn't supposed to actually tell you.

Add yours...

Larry

[sonic1]

bitching about the kids? Oh-no! Truly a sign of age...

Isn't the same said of every generation? Though don't get me wrong. I pretty much agree with the above.

J

[Tanager]

When I was growing up, we were taught you only called between certain hours of the day, unless the callee had given you prior explicit permission to call at whatever ungodly hour you chose. Apparently, people now think nothing of calling us up at 11 PM (more often that not on a weeknight) to ask my wife if she can tutor their runt.

People visiting a neighbor who park (I kid you not) directly across your driveway.

[Squaredancecalling Steve]

Dear Miss Manners:

Is the word "suck" (meant as a disparagement) now acceptable in general conversation?

By not having a television, am I always going to be behind the curve of what is acceptable? And is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[sonic1]

Larry,

Your use of the word "sucking" in a previous thread was also taught to you to be rude. Do you kiss your mother with that same mouth? Or do you have excuses for those inconsistencies.

Don't start bitching about the kids and not apply the same logic to yourself.

[Enforcer]

Originally Posted by sonic1

Larry,

Your use of the word "sucking" in a previous thread was also taught to you to be rude. Do you kiss your mother with that same mouth? Or do you have excuses for those inconsistencies.

Don't start bitching about the kids and not apply the same logic to yourself.

JC threads are off limits, kid. Rules don't apply here.

Making excuses and using condescending language and feeling ok about it thanks to superlative rationalizaton skills,
Larry

[tippy]

Couples who lolligag taking up the whole aisle forcing you to step right up behind them and still they ignore you. Fortunately I haven't noticed this behavior too often, but it did happen recently. It was outside the realm of regular "excuse me" behavior.

Unnecessarily exasperated mothers who let their kids recklessly ride scooters in the store, meanwhile rolling their eyes and cursing their child's apalling behavior. (Uh, lady, how about no scooter riding 5 p.m. in the grocery store?)

The puzzlement of cashiers when you hand them $10.02 to pay for $9.77. (I want to unload pennies and get a laundry quarter dammit.)

People who take a moment to figure their "next plan of action" at the top of stairs and escalators.

Strangers who complain to me amusingly that theirs is the only cell phone that doesn't work in the elevator. How unfortunate!

[sonic1]

Larry, I'll allow you that if you allow me the self delusion that I am the athority on everything.

[sonic1]

Originally Posted by tippy

Couples who lolligag taking up the whole aisle forcing you to step right up behind them and still they ignore you. Fortunately I haven't noticed this behavior too often, but it did happen recently. It was outside the realm of regular "excuse me" behavior.

Unnecessarily exasperated mothers who let their kids recklessly ride scooters in the store, meanwhile rolling their eyes and cursing their child's apalling behavior. (Uh, lady, how about no scooter riding 5 p.m. in the grocery store?)

The puzzlement of cashiers when you hand them $10.02 to pay for $9.77. (I want to unload pennies and get a laundry quarter dammit.)

People who take a moment to figure their "next plan of action" at the top of stairs and escalators.

Strangers who complain to me amusingly that theirs is the only cell phone that doesn't work in the elevator. How unfortunate!

are you talking about kids or just people in general?

[Enforcer]

You got it, Sonic!

Happy to grant wishes when he doesn't actually have to do anything hard in the process,
Larry

[groover]

Originally Posted by Squaredancecalling Steve

Dear Miss Manners:

Is the word "suck" (meant as a disparagement) now acceptable in general conversation?

By not having a television, am I always going to be behind the curve of what is acceptable? And is that a good thing or a bad thing?

No, "suck" is still unacceptable. One should endeavor to always replace it with the more polite "blow", as in "This really blows a big one".

[tippy]

Originally Posted by sonic1

are you talking about kids or just people in general?

Did I forget to add approximate ages?

Scenario 1: 30-somethings
Scenario 2: 40-something and 10-year old boy
Scenario 3: 20-something
Scenario 4: mostly adults that I've noticed
Scenario 5: 40-something.

Looking for a fight, bro?

[tippy]

As an addendum, sonic, I would add that I don't think it's generations nothing--I think it's people in general and the younger generations learn their behavior from the older ones.

[AntManBee]

Like Jared said, doesn't every generation complain about the lack of the next generation's manners?

I appreciate when people show good manners regardless of their age. I mean, not only people younger than me have bad manners. Many times I see older folks be really rude, sometimes almost as if they think their age gives them the right to do so.

[Enforcer]

Originally Posted by AntManBee

Many times I see older folks be really rude, sometimes almost as if they think their age gives them the right to do so.

Probably because some punk kid was just rude to them right beforehand.

[AntManBee]

Originally Posted by Larry Nagel

Probably because some punk kid was just rude to them right beforehand.

You do realise that such a discussion could be extended into the absurd, don't you?

[Dr Dave]

Pass de kutchie on de left-hand side.

[sonic1]

Originally Posted by tippy

As an addendum, sonic, I would add that I don't think it's generations nothing--I think it's people in general and the younger generations learn their behavior from the older ones.

Agreed. Though if you wanna fight anyway I'm up for wrestling.

[tippy]

Big people can be rude, little people have to be nice. Civilization has perverted everything!

One time this old geezer used extra force to circumnavigate me and my two items into the express lane as it was being opened up next to the line we were already standing (him behind me). I hope that added a worthy smidgen of triumph to his day.

[Sergio Zamora]

These damn kids with there hippity-hop!

This isn't a generation thing, but I really really get irritated when people I don't know ask "huh?". If it's friends and it's casual conversation, it's fine and I'll do it myself on occasion, but if it's a guy on the street and I ask for the time or directions or something, it just pisses me off.

[Ron Thorne]

Don't get me started.

Holding a door for someone who doesn't even acknowledge that you're on the same planet. I typically wait until I'm certain there will be no acknowledgement and then say "YOU'RE WELCOME" loudly enough that most in the general vicinity can hear me. Sometimes, that actually seems to wake them up, at least momentarily.

The scenario Larry described happens all the time, where a group of teens (usually) will block an entire path or hallway to gab with one another and not make any effort to move out of your way unless you either (a) physically bump into them, or, (b) say "excuse me" with the hope that they'll actually get the message.

[Enforcer]

Originally Posted by tippy

One time this old geezer used extra force to circumnavigate me and my two items into the express lane as it was being opened up next to the line we were already standing (him behind me). I hope that added a worthy smidgen of triumph to his day.

You'd be surprised how much I enjoyed that.

Always looking for excuses to use "extra force,"
Larry

[tippy]

But, Serge, doesn't that just mean they need you to repeat the question because you interrupted their train of thought? Isn't "huh?" better than "time to a buy a watch"? (Just kidding! I also don't wear a watch.)

Having been brought up in "old" Europe, and having seen old American films in which people's manners reminded me of old Europe, I came to the conclusion--soon after my arrival here in 1957--that common courtesy must have been abolished somewhere along the line.

Unfortunately, Europe is catching up to the U.S. when it comes to rudeness and prolonged or terminal ignorance.

As a child and teenager, I used to rise when an adult entered the room, walk on the curb side of women (to take the eventual splash from traffic), thank the host or hostess for a meal just consumed, be as inconspicuous as possible in public, do my best to help people who seemed to need it, etc.

It's too bad that this all sounds so old-fashioned.

[Gentle Giant]

Manners are hard to learn and they're harder to teach. You really have to be right on top of your kids all the time for this kind of stuff to sink in. My wife is much more hard-assed about manners than I am (I'm not above a good, loud post-prandial belch), but my daughter has benefited (grudgingly, to be sure). She's much more polite than most of her friends. One time, I took her and a friend of hers to a street fair and I watched with amazement when my daughter (6 years old at the time) took her friend to task for throwing a wrapper on the ground instead of finding a trash can (not more than 10 feet away).

Which reminds me, nothing annoys me more than smokers throwing their butts and matches on the ground and out their car windows. Pollute yourself, not the world!

[crawjo]

Maybe this has something to do with living in Detroit, Larry?

I'm 27 years old. I always make an effort to hold doors open for people. I always say "thank you" and "excuse me" or "sorry" if I am in someone's way.

[Sergio Zamora]

Originally Posted by tippy

But, Serge, doesn't that just mean they need you to repeat the question because you interrupted their train of thought? Isn't "huh?" better than "time to a buy a watch"? (Just kidding! I also don't wear a watch.)

Oh, it's not the intent, but the form of the query that bothers me. People should say "excuse me?" or "pardon me?" or "could you repeat that?", etc. 'Huh' just sounds really rude to my ears.

[Enforcer]

Originally Posted by crawjo

Maybe this has something to do with living in Detroit, Larry?

I think it's specific to certain communities, but it's not in the city I notice this the most. It's the suburbs.

[sonic1]

You will be lucky to get a "huh?" in NY. Did anyone see that Jay Leno skit when they had someone asking strangers for the time in both LA and in NY. In LA people went out of their way to answer, while NYers hardly even blinked while passing.

Jared

[sonic1]

Originally Posted by Larry Nagel

I think it's specific to certain communities, but it's not in the city I notice this the most. It's the suburbs.

There's your problem.