Bush to Chris A: Stop starting threads about me

crawjo · August-26th-2004, 07:50 PM

Washington, D.C. -- After months of silence, President George W. Bush launched a counter-offensive today against what a Bush spokesman characterized as a "vicious, misleading, mean-spirited, and somewhat untrue" propaganda campaign being waged by the reclusive jazz afficionado known only as "Chris A."

Bush campaign officials also hinted that they plan to join with Senator John McCain (R-AZ) in seeking court action to stop Chris A from starting additional threads in JazzCorner's Alley forum.

"This president strongly feels that this shadowy individual should be prevented from spreading his bile across the Internet, and in particular on the JazzCorner web site," White House spokesman Scott McClellan stated in a press briefing today. "Therefore, he will be joining with Senator McCain in an effort to shut down all activity of this particular 527."

McClellan indicated that the administration plans to sue the FEC for failing to crack down on Chris A, despite several petitions from the Bush administration.

Thought to be the only 527 group comprised of only one individual, Chris A has gained a reputation in recent months as one of Bush's toughest critics. Among other allegations, Chris A has accused the president of stealing the 2000 election, being a moron, lying or misleading the American people about the war on terrorism, the war in Iraq, the economy, the deficit, health care, education, the environment, Bush's prescription drug plan, his service in the Texas National Guard during the 1970s, God's divine plan for the world, the winner of the 2004 Super Bowl, and the first name of Bush's wife, which the administration continues to insist is Laura.

In addition, the administration alleges that Chris A has implied an ideological connection between Bush and Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler, through his characterization of the Bush administration as a "gang" and Bush followers as "goose-stepping." In addition, the Bush administration claims that Chris A has accused the president of personally killing "at least half" of the estimated 1.5 million Cambodians slaughtered during the infamous Khmer Rouge. However, an investigation failed to uncover any statement in which Chris A made this allegation.

"These statements by Chris A are not entirely accurate," McClellan stated. "In fact, we believe very strongly that many of them may be untrue. It's something that we are looking into."

As of press time, the administration had not yet provided any details about Bush's whereabouts during the Khmer Rouge, and downplayed suggestions that Bush was Pol Pot's puppet, despite records which indicate Bush spent four years in the Asian country following his non-participation in the Vietnam War.

In a brief appearance following his afternoon nap today, the President called on Chris A to "leave me alone." Going further, a visibly angered Bush said, "If you don't like me, just put me on your ignore list. But please, no more threads. I can't take it any more."

One administration official who asked not to be identified estimated that Chris A's daily attacks may have cost the president "literally a few" potential votes in the coming election.

Efforts to contact Chris A, who operates only under his alias and has never been positively linked with any known individual, were unsuccessful.