September-9th-2004, 09:32 AM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
Posts: 5,440
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Create a NEW lame joke here.
While I was in bed half asleep and half awake the other day this thread idea came to me. At the time it seemed hilarious. Now I don't exactly know why. The idea is to ad lib, on the spot, a new joke that is not funny but the lameness of it is. I'll try a few.
John Kerry was walking with three band aids and one fell off. He said to his friend, "Good thing that wasn't a purple heart!"
A vagina and a penis were in a row boat with a priest. The vagina said, well Priest, well Penis, here I am. The penis perked up, but the Priest didn't - until he saw the penis perk up!!
Two slime molds were talking while attending a trade show. One said "How are you?" The other said, "You actually mean 'How are we?' - We slime molds are really symbiotic collections of microorganisms!!!"
John Sununu was dead but approached George Bush and said "I'm Sununu". Bush replied "Sununu, I don't even know you!!"
Last edited by steve(thelil); September-9th-2004 at 09:33 AM.
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September-9th-2004, 09:38 AM
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#2
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Hartsell Cash, 1924-2006
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Durham, NC
Posts: 6,222
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Well, you've created a new thread that's not funny, but the lameness of it is. 
__________________
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Tanager
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September-9th-2004, 09:39 AM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tanager
Well, you've created a new thread that's not funny, but the lameness of it is. |
Another good example!
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September-9th-2004, 11:48 AM
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#4
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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Ah, the lamenissity of it all.
Why do firemen wear pink suspenders?
Because they are all gay.
__________________
Stand clear of the doors
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September-9th-2004, 01:22 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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How many human snow cone machines does it take to screw in a lightbulb: Just one, but the bulb will be slightly cold for several seconds afterwards!!!!!
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September-9th-2004, 01:24 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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Two yogis were going to heaven. One said to the other: I guess we're here. The other said "We're always HERE: The word HERE means wherever we are at this point in time!!!
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September-9th-2004, 01:25 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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Two very little girls were talking. One says to the other " I found a now unavailable spongelike contraceptive device on the precipice between the screen door and the lavatory yesterday" The other replies: "When?"
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September-9th-2004, 01:26 PM
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#8
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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A priest, a rabbi and a bear walked in a bar.
The bartender said "You guys are in the wrong joke."
__________________
Stand clear of the doors
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September-9th-2004, 01:27 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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How can you tell the only Jewish person on the football field: By the Jewish Star and Mezzuzah insignias on the facemask of his helmet!!!
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September-9th-2004, 01:28 PM
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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Clint and thelil walk into a bar. Clint orders 7 bourbons - all for himself. BUT while he is in the men's room draining Mr. Lizard, thelil drinks between 5 and 5 2/3 of them!!!!
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September-9th-2004, 01:35 PM
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#11
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Columnated ruins domino
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Melrose, MA
Posts: 9,999
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Two Deadheads were standing at adjacent urinals during a Phish show. One said to the other, "Hey dude, you want some almonds?" The second guy said, "Sure, man." So the first guy whips out a jar of nuts and the second guy is like, "Whoa, like I thought you meant Allmans, like the Allman Brothers, man." The first guy says, "I do have some Allmans, dude, but, like, you can't have them." So the second guy shoots the first guy and watches as his blood runs down the Duane.
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September-9th-2004, 01:39 PM
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#12
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www.steveminkin.com
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Healdsburg, Sonoma County, California
Posts: 11,960
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No soap -- Radio!
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September-9th-2004, 03:28 PM
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#13
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Columnated ruins domino
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Melrose, MA
Posts: 9,999
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I guess doesn't qualify since it's a legitimate and (I think) very funny little joke, which I got from my daughter's joke book, but here goes:
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
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To get to the other slide.
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September-9th-2004, 03:37 PM
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#14
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Middle Man
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New England
Posts: 6,302
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Squaredancecalling Steve
No soap -- Radio!
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That's a classic, Steve.
I remember Steve Martin telling the following on the Steve Allen Show, circa 1968 or so:
A grasshopper enters a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." "Really?" says the grasshopper. "You have a drink named Marvin?"
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September-9th-2004, 03:47 PM
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#15
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Plus ça change...
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Boston area
Posts: 16,919
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A kid says to his mother, "I bet you can't guess what's in my tuchas!"
Mom to everybody else: "Wouldn't he be surprised!"
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September-9th-2004, 03:57 PM
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#16
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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A guy walks into a bar with a slime mold on his shoulder. He orders a bourbon and a beer. The bartender says: "Just wait a minute. Is the beer a chaser or is it for the fucking slime mold?" The guy says: "Both. The bourbon is for the slime mold and the beer is his chaser. I'll have a Mike's Hard Lemonade."
Last edited by steve(thelil); September-9th-2004 at 03:58 PM.
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September-9th-2004, 04:01 PM
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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A guy walks into a bar and says "I bet you can't guess what I have up my tuchas" The bartender says: "You'd be surprised. Your mom just told me."
Last edited by steve(thelil); September-9th-2004 at 04:01 PM.
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September-9th-2004, 04:03 PM
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#18
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User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Below the line
Posts: 9,884
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What has two knees and swims?
A two-knee fish
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September-9th-2004, 04:09 PM
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#19
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Plus ça change...
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Boston area
Posts: 16,919
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A guy walks into a bar with a little bit of slime mold on his lips and chin. "Hey," the bartender says, isn't that the same slime mold you ordered a drink for just a few minutes ago?"
"No way," says the guy. "That was his mother."
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September-9th-2004, 04:20 PM
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#20
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Hartsell Cash, 1924-2006
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Durham, NC
Posts: 6,222
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A woman walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, you know your son's been buying drinks for a slime mold again?"
__________________
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Tanager
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September-9th-2004, 04:25 PM
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#21
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Most Loved JC User 2009®
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 39,755
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Reminds me of an episode of Night Court where Harry (the judge) has been locked up for a bogus reason in a holding cell and Dan (John Larroquette) is talking to him through the cell door. "Harry, a rat and a cockroach walked up to the bar," Dan says. Harry shoots back, "Dan, this is no time for jokes! I need to figure out how to clear this mess up and get out of here!"
(Pointing at the floor) "No, Harry, I mean a rat and a cockroach literally walked up to that bar."
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September-9th-2004, 04:34 PM
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Bellingham WA
Posts: 2,298
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brother and sister are having hot incestuous monkey sex:
sis sez: "gee ..yours is bigger than dads "
bro sez: " yeh ..that's what mom said "
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the arrangers best friend is his pencil .. the end with the rubber on it ( E.K.Ellington )
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September-9th-2004, 04:41 PM
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#23
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The mouldiest of all figs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Tustin, CA
Posts: 11,249
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So a horse with a slimey lizard on his head walks into the bar and orders a peach blow fizz.
The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind in here.
The horse says "You mean horses?"
No says the bartender, "Guys who order sissy drinks."
__________________
Stand clear of the doors
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September-9th-2004, 04:45 PM
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#24
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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I'd hate to see jokes disqualified for being actually funny without regard to lameness quotient.
How many slime molds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ans: Do you mean how many slime molds or are you counting each individual microorganism that makes up a single slime mold*?
*Or even a married slime mold
Last edited by steve(thelil); September-9th-2004 at 04:46 PM.
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September-9th-2004, 08:21 PM
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#25
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User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Below the line
Posts: 9,884
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What's the difference between a duck?
It's orange and its horn doesn't work.
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September-9th-2004, 08:37 PM
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#26
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2007 Stanley Cup Champs
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 12,063
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What did the blind, deaf, mute, quadriplegic orphan get for Christmas?
(wait for it...)
CANCER!!!! Ha ha ha.
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September-10th-2004, 09:12 AM
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#27
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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Serena Williams, a priest and a slime mold walk into a bar and the bartender says "Wow, I've never seen this before". Serena says: "Of course not. Tennis players and slime molds don't hang out with priests who drink."
Last edited by steve(thelil); September-10th-2004 at 09:13 AM.
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September-10th-2004, 09:41 AM
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#28
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Most Loved JC User 2009®
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 39,755
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Serena Williams, a priest and a slime mold walk into a bar and the bartender says "Wow, I've never seen this before". The priest says, "Neither have I. But that slime mold sure has a 'boyish' quality about him, doesn't he? I'll tell you what, I'd like to buy him a drink."
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September-10th-2004, 10:03 AM
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#29
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The big apple - North of the Core
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It's definitely difficult for Larry to create a punch line that isn't funny.
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September-10th-2004, 10:07 AM
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#30
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Plus ça change...
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Boston area
Posts: 16,919
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Tell me, Cohen, Why are rakes taller than coffee cups?
I don't know, Schwartz, why are rakes taller than coffee cups?
You're asking me? How the hell should I know?
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