I wish...

tippy · September-11th-2004, 01:16 PM

People thought my jokes were as hilarious as I think they are.

Someone would clean my house and cook me breakfast.

Enforcer · September-11th-2004, 01:19 PM

Hahahahahaha. How do you like your eggs? Just give a few minutes while I wipe the counter clean.

Trying to pander to too many things at once but prevailing anyway thanks to superlative shamelessness,
Larry

tippy · September-11th-2004, 01:27 PM

Scrambled but in one piece, please, Larry. Since I'm going to sit on the couch and watch, which I'm just realizing I've never done, can you wear an imaginative outfit like scuba feet/mask and a beach towel cape safety-pinned around your neck?

Enforcer · September-11th-2004, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tippy

Scrambled but in one piece, please, Larry. Since I'm going to sit on the couch and watch, which I'm just realizing I've never done, can you wear an imaginative outfit like scuba feet/mask and a beach towel cape safety-pinned around your neck?

I rarely cook wearing any clothes at all, but if you insist, sure.

Are you seriously telling me you've never sat and watched someone cook for you before?

tippy · September-11th-2004, 01:42 PM

No, plenty have cooked for me but I would feel too guilty not to be sous-chef or at least set the table. But I was thinking more of sitting there and watching someone clean. That would be weird, that's why I need the outfit. Watching someone clean stark naked seems unhealthy, in a toddler's makeshift superman cape...That's Entertainment. My favorite outfit when I was a kid was a beach towel, the thin worn out kind, placed on my head and I would pretend I was Cher.

Brian Olewnick · September-11th-2004, 01:52 PM

Pretend?

tippy · September-11th-2004, 02:04 PM

Geez, Brian, are you accusing me of actually Being Cher? I've heard of some mean things in my day...

Okay, so what do you guys wish? That was the main gist of my thread, not tippy's placid fantasy life...

clinthopson · September-11th-2004, 02:48 PM

I wish I could do the things that I used to do:

Eat a lot
Drink a lot
Boogie the night away
and , uh. . .

tippy · September-11th-2004, 02:56 PM

Dinosaurs still roamed the Earth.

Pete C · September-11th-2004, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tippy

Okay, so what do you guys wish?

Hit it, boys!

Wish I knew How it Would Feel to be Free

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
I wish I could say all the things that I should say
say 'em loud, say 'em clear
for the whole round world to hear.

I wish I could share all the love that's in my heart
remove all the bars that keep us apart
I wish you could know what it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree
that every man should be free.

I wish I could give all I'm longing to give
I wish I could live like I'm longing to live
I wish that I could do all the things that I can do
though I'm way overdue I'd be starting anew.

Well I wish I could be like a bird in the sky
how sweet it would be if I found I could fly
Oh I'd soar to the sun and look down at the sea
and I'd sing cos I'd know that
and I'd sing cos I'd know that
and I'd sing cos I'd know that
I'd know how it feels to be free
I'd know how it feels to be free
I'd know how it feels to be free

Noj · September-11th-2004, 03:04 PM

Hit it Stevie!

Lookin’ back on when I
Was a little nappy headed boy
Then my only worry
Was for Christmas what would be my toy

Even though we sometimes
Would not get a thing
We were happy with the
Joy the day would bring

Sneakin’ out the back door
To hang out with those hoodlum friends of mine, ooh
Greeted at the back door
With “Boy, thought I told you not to go outside”

Tryin’ your best to bring the
Water to your eyes
Thinkin’ it might stop her
From whippin’ your behind

I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ever have to go
I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ever have to go
‘Cause I love them so

Brother says he’s tellin’
‘Bout you playin’ doctor with that girl
Just don’t tell, I’ll give you
Anything you want in this whole wide world

Mama gives you money
For Sunday school
You trade yours for candy
After church is through

Smokin’ cigarettes
And writin’ somethin’ nasty on the wall (You nasty boy)
Teacher sends you to the
Principal’s office down the hall

You grow up and learn that
kinda thing ain’t right
But while you were doin’ it
It sure felt outta sight

I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ever have to go
I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ever have to go

Brian Olewnick · September-11th-2004, 03:49 PM

Hit it, boys!

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener
That is what I'd truly like to be!
'Cause if I were an Oscar Myer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me!

Brian Olewnick · September-11th-2004, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tippy

Geez, Brian, are you accusing me of actually Being Cher? I've heard of some mean things in my day...

Oh, did you say "Cher"? I thought you said Milla Jovovich.

Enforcer · September-11th-2004, 05:47 PM

I wish someone would enjoy a nice, quiet evening out with me. I tell you, this barbecue I just came back from has left me spent. Too many loud people, too many drunk people. I'm ready for something low key, man.

bostontricky · September-11th-2004, 07:51 PM

Enforcer · September-11th-2004, 07:52 PM

I want to change my wish to "ability to edit/delete the posts of other JC members."

Monte Smith · September-11th-2004, 08:10 PM

I wish I could be better than I am. Not hard.

And fuck Laetitia Casta. Real hard.

moneyp · September-11th-2004, 09:20 PM

Speaking of hard, hit it, Eminem!

Life.. by Marshall Mathers
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always down
What is life?
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing YOUR shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at five fifty an hour
then this boss wanders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me bezerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working in Building Square
Tired of not being a millionaire

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM, tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work
in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones
Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
saying they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

Enforcer · September-11th-2004, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mone peterson

Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"

Local boy, talkin' about WJLB. Love that.

Jazzzoline · September-11th-2004, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Nagel

I'm ready for something low key, man.

Too bad...
I'm everything but low key...
I'm no thing near a man...

*sighs*

Enforcer · September-12th-2004, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazzzoline

Too bad...
I'm everything but low key...
I'm no thing near a man...

*sighs*

As long as you can do most of the talking, I seem to have lost my voice. I really need to stop yelling at people.

Seeking anger management classes,
Larry

Dr Dave · September-12th-2004, 03:13 PM

I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning speaking fluent French.

sonic1 · September-12th-2004, 03:25 PM

I wish the following were not a logical impossibility, but reality:

Live and let live.

Gordon B · September-12th-2004, 03:33 PM

I wish Fred Wilpon would sell the Mets to a rich sabermetrician.
I wish the Larry Sanders show would resume with episodes as good as ever.