I Didn't Mean Now

jeff54 · January-11th-2005, 11:53 AM

Preacher dies with heaven on his lips

OVIEDO, Florida (AP) -- A Presbyterian minister collapsed and died at the pulpit after saying "And when I go to heaven...," his colleague said.

The Rev. Jack Arnold, 69, was nearing the end of his sermon Sunday at Covenant Presbyterian Church when he grabbed the podium before falling to the floor, said the Rev. Michael S. Beats, the church's associate pastor.

Several parishioners with medical backgrounds tried to revive Arnold and paramedics were called, but he appeared to die instantly, Beats said.

Arnold had been the senior minister at the church in this Orlando suburb until the late 1990s when he began traveling to Africa and the Middle East to teach pastors.

The cause of death was believed to be cardiac arrest. He had bypass surgery five years earlier.

January-11th-2005, 12:20 PM

Hahaha.....

Why does this story remind me of that scene in Holy Grail where the bridge keeper says "What is your favorite color?"

Knight: Green. No!! BLUE!!!

Dr Dave · January-11th-2005, 12:21 PM

Well, I guess he's all set, then. I mean, assuming his prediction was correct, and all.

I wonder which Heaven he'll be in. Wouldn't it be funny if there was only one Heaven, and it was lately filled with suicide bombers enjoying virgins in the afterlife? I'll bet the Rev. Arnold would have a heart attack all over again.

Gary Sisco · January-11th-2005, 12:25 PM

Yeah, but where would he go then?

I wonder if anyone tried to resuscitate him to prevent his going to heaven?

steve(thelil) · January-11th-2005, 01:02 PM

His first words at the pearly gates: Jesus H Christ: I said "....and WHEN I go to heaven" not ".....and THEN I go to heaven. D'OHhhhhhghh"

Enforcer · January-11th-2005, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr Dave

Wouldn't it be funny if there was only one Heaven, and it was lately filled with suicide bombers enjoying virgins in the afterlife?

Ah, f**k it. I'm going to buy some nitric acid and some glycerine and home cook a f**king bomb and just see how this pans out. How bad can it be? If I can make myself into a ghost, I promise to haunt Dr. Dave's home and use him as a medium to tell you guys all about it. Doc, just run the hot water in your shower for a while and I'll leave notes in the fog on your bathroom mirror.

Spending a few weeks in the gym before he blows himself up to build strength for all the impending deflowerings,
Larry

Jazzzoline · January-11th-2005, 01:34 PM

Soon, it'll be possible to live without a pumping heart. Researcher at Polytechnique school in Montréal are testing a miniature propeller to be inserted in ones heart, used to make the blood go round in one's body. No pulse at all.

Enforcer · January-11th-2005, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazzzoline

Soon, it'll be possible to live without a pumping heart.

Mission already accomplished.

Tanager · January-11th-2005, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Nagel

Mission already accomplished.

Shit, Joan Rivers perfected it long before lemieux.

Dr Dave · January-11th-2005, 06:16 PM

Darling, I can feel your pulse humming in your veins...

Jesse · January-11th-2005, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Nagel

Ah, f**k it. I'm going to buy some nitric acid and some glycerine and home cook a f**king bomb and just see how this pans out. How bad can it be? If I can make myself into a ghost, I promise to haunt Dr. Dave's home and use him as a medium to tell you guys all about it. Doc, just run the hot water in your shower for a while and I'll leave notes in the fog on your bathroom mirror.

Spending a few weeks in the gym before he blows himself up to build strength for all the impending deflowerings,
Larry

LOL!
You're one funny motherfucker, Nagel.

Gary Sisco · January-12th-2005, 08:50 AM

Just don't try making napalm. It's a dicey thing.

Gary Sisco · January-12th-2005, 09:16 AM

Seriously, though, isn't the whole point of Christianity dying so as to join Jeeezzziissss? Why isn't everyone in a hurry about it?

I never understand these things.

I guess that's why I'm an atheist.

Dr Dave · January-12th-2005, 09:39 AM

Yeah. I say let's get that Rapture thing going, already. I, for one, will be happy to see all them fundamentalists fly up to Heaven.

Gary Sisco · January-12th-2005, 09:41 AM

Me, too. And Armageddon always seemed like a swell time to spend with the god of love. I've been looking forward to it for ages, now.

Pleased to meet you ...

Dennis Gonzalez · January-12th-2005, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr Dave

Well, I guess he's all set, then. I mean, assuming his prediction was correct, and all.

I wonder which Heaven he'll be in. Wouldn't it be funny if there was only one Heaven, and it was lately filled with suicide bombers enjoying virgins in the afterlife? I'll bet the Rev. Arnold would have a heart attack all over again.

If it was young virgins waitin' on his holy ass, he'd have his first hard attack in years...

Phil_Meloy · January-12th-2005, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

Just don't try making napalm. It's a dicey thing.

Yeah you'll probably end up just burning your garage down.

Gary Sisco · January-12th-2005, 10:23 AM

Dennis -- Don't you mean young virgin boys?

Gary Sisco · January-12th-2005, 10:24 AM

Phil -- Yeah ... and your own self.

I remember once when a friend proposed that we simmer some and use it instead of gasoline in molotovs.

I told him to let me know how it came out when he was through ....

NOT being a suicide mission type, my own self.

Sandi22 · November-14th-2007, 11:01 PM

Talking about bombs, our little neighbor, Stan Sanders, (his uncle coached the Chargers back in the 50's and early 60's I believe), he was about 7 or 8. One afternoon he was playing (on the beach or up on a hilly dune where the houses all are, I can't recall which), with another little boy, and they found this thing, so they tried to carry it to the other little guys house, but it was too heavy, so they rolled it and kicked it along, got to the steps going up off the strand or down on to it, (I can't recall which again) and they lost control of it and it went crashing down several cement steps, they did this a few times and finally got it going, and after a long struggle they finally made it to the other boys home and rolling it up the wood steps to his porch it broke the porch falling through it. The little boys mother took one look at it and called the police. It was a Japanese bomb from when the submarine (they figure) that shelled the El Segundo Oil Refinery misgauged distance, with it landing near Manhattan Beach in Hermosa Beach. This event was several years earlier.

The police came and several of them started shaking, shaking so badly they were dropping it again, scaring everyone who was anywhere near out of their wits. Little Stan was saying "Chicken Cops". As they turned pale, or turned red in the face and the sweat was just pouring. His mother, Beverly, about dying, saying "My God it takes seven years to raise a healthy little boy and he could have been gone in a second". She was laughing about all of it, but it did scare her pretty badly.

claude · November-15th-2007, 09:02 AM

Wow, talk about bringing a thread back from the dead! How did you happen to bring this one up Sandi?

Gary Sisco · November-15th-2007, 09:19 AM

Good thread, though. I was entertained to read it again.

Those cops were right to be worried about it. Iwo Jima when I was stationed there was littered with bombs that hadn't gone off when dropped from planes, mortar rounds from both sides, and hand grenades from both sides. No one goes around cleaning up after a war.

Nuff of the guys -- not me -- had shit like that in their barracks rooms as sourvenirs. Kindly made a guy nervous.

Eventually they sent a SEAL team out to collect the ordinance and explode it under controlled circumstances. They couldn't believe the shit people had in their rooms, nor could I. So they made a demonstration for the crew, by placing one mortar round under an old truck all rusted to shit from the sulphur out there. They touched off the round with a blasting cap and it lifted that truck straight up in the air about twelve feet.

You should have seen the boxes full of shit people brought out from their rooms after that little show!

Gary Sisco · November-15th-2007, 09:21 AM

I'm still asking that question about Christians, though. Have been for years. If they have faith as they say they do and believe what they say they do, why do they try so hard to avoid going to see Jesus? Isn't that the point?

Pete C · November-15th-2007, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by claude

How did you happen to bring this one up Sandi?

I think she uses a randomizer.

Brian Olewnick · November-15th-2007, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary Sisco

I'm still asking that question about Christians, though. Have been for years. If they have faith as they say they do and believe what they say they do, why do they try so hard to avoid going to see Jesus? Isn't that the point?

And why do their friends and relatives wail and moan at their funerals? You'd think they'd be dancing and celebrating at their loved one's great fortune.

tippy · November-15th-2007, 10:04 AM

It must be because faith is not absolutely certain. The only certainty is death (and taxes?).

If I cried it would be both because I am going to miss that person and for some I would also cry over how much misery such person's faith caused him/her to suffer over nothing.

Gary Sisco · November-15th-2007, 10:09 AM

That's so for the mourners, sure, but, as they say about atheists not being found in foxholes (not true, actually), you don't find many Christians looking to go home to Jesus in one, either.

I have yet to meet a single one that's in any hurry to get to heaven and see his or her savior.

larrycohen · November-15th-2007, 10:12 AM

Gary Sisco · November-15th-2007, 10:20 AM

Good one.

They wouldn't exactly be what Christians are expecting, either.

Well ... Strike that, given the history of the Church. They shouldn't come as any surprise...

Gary Sisco · November-15th-2007, 10:56 AM

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddly...5?pageNumber=1

Here's some who've holed up in a cave to await the end of the world, which is to happen, this time, next May. They say they'll blow themselves up if police attempt to remove them.

I don't know why police would attempt to remove anyone from a cave. I'd seal it.