I Miss My Brother

GoodSpeak · January-23rd-2005, 11:15 PM

As kids, we fought like a strange cat and a bulldog.

I got into drugs....he got into drugs deeper.

He cleaned up, I drank...but mellowed off the booze after a few years.

As adults, he got extreme repuplican religion, I got sensible.

I teach, he is an artist.

My hair is almost white, his is still brown.

And now...we are so far apart, I don't think we will ever get back together.

I would give anything to be his brother...again.

I miss him, very much.

gonzo · January-24th-2005, 03:21 AM

a very nice heartfelt email. maybe you'll get back together.

Tom Storer · January-24th-2005, 04:36 AM

Or a phone call.

jesus marion joseph · January-24th-2005, 08:31 AM

I have two brothers: one is 3 1/2 years older and the other is 15 years younger. My younger brother recently moved to New Hampshire from Texas, so I see him often. The older brother lives outside of Philly, and I see him every couple of years or so.

I woudl agree that a phone call or email would probably do wonders to open the lines of communication again. You never know.

Steve Reynolds · January-24th-2005, 08:58 AM

Tim-

I havn't seen my older brother in over 10 years. I have never seen my 10 year old niece. I have an idea what you are feeling. We never got along that well - but this year I will talk to him and I will see him if I live my life right.

I'll be thinking of you, Tim

Steve Reynolds · January-24th-2005, 09:47 AM

btw - me becoming a pseudo republican or your brother becoming one shouldn't have anything to do with anything

it is just not that important in the bigger scheme of things

I hope you realize this...

Jason Bivins · January-24th-2005, 10:00 AM

Goodie, some words of encouragement for you. My mother is the middle sister of three, and for much of her life never really got on with her older sister. In 1972, when I was very wee, they had a major falling out. Over the years, my sister and I asked what precipitated it but Mom could never even really remember. Decades of stubbornness ensued and, despite a few attempts to reestablish communication, it all seemed doomed. But about a year ago, Mom and my Aunt Dee were both visiting my since-deceased Grandmother. Once they actually found themselves in the same room together, they were surprised to find that they actually enjoyed each other's company. Who knew? For several nights, they closed down the hotel bar together. And on subsequent returns to Massachusetts, all of them now with the youngest sister, all the ties were reestablished and in fact made stronger than ever. It was a weird - but wonderful - experience for me to have my Aunt Dee at my wedding in October.

So shit can change, no matter how dark and unmoveable it may seem.

Uli · January-24th-2005, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Reynolds

btw - me becoming a pseudo republican .

What happened?

My brother was always a Republican. Now he is teasing me about Bush!

hearsay · January-24th-2005, 10:39 AM

I know we're all human and can be delicate, but my motto is "life's too short" (as cliche as that may be). It's too short to hold anger, grudges and to deal with bullshit, whenever you can rise above it or let it go you should try to. After experiencing grudges and not talking to loved ones for months or years and later reconciling I began to ask my self why didn't we do that sooner, what was the point? Usually it's soemthing petty and it's just not important.

clinthopson · January-24th-2005, 11:44 AM

I didn't have siblings but last week my two sons were together at our house and I had the best time just watching them talk about jazz, baseball and argue about politics. They were the best of friends in their youth, but had grown apart as they pursued different lives. But when they get together it's like old times. A lot of laughter and memories filled the room. It was good for them end even better for their old man.

Salvador Dali Lama · January-24th-2005, 12:02 PM

yeah i know how it is goody... i have a sister i am very apart from. we went through all the same shit as kids and she went the drug route, and i went the... eh.... i didnt really take a "route." i'm just trying to maintain, do what i can and have a decent life. we're very different, she seems to have gotten all of some genes that i got none of and vice versa. i got the good sense (hahaha) and creative mind that runs pretty strong in my family, and she got all of the addiction that runs in the family. i seem to have gotten none. i can't seem (but i wont push my luck) to get addicted to any substances. save lexapro, but goddamn if that wasnt a doctors idea. anyway.

i know what its like, and it sucks. but sometimes all you can do is accept that you are very different people and that you'll never have the relationship you want, and take what you can get. it will be better than nothing.

Lenny D.Guitarist · January-24th-2005, 12:07 PM

Goody, having a reunion with your sibling is the only way to go, regardless of the difficulties associated with pulling it off. You seem to feel more comfortable with expressing your feelings, insecurities, victories, and defeats
via cyberspace, such as here. Grab the bull by the horns, my friend, you'll never regret it. Best wishes.

Sergio Zamora · January-24th-2005, 01:13 PM

Welcome back, SDL

GoodSpeak · January-24th-2005, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Reynolds

Tim-

I havn't seen my older brother in over 10 years. I have never seen my 10 year old niece. I have an idea what you are feeling. We never got along that well - but this year I will talk to him and I will see him if I live my life right.

I'll be thinking of you, Tim

Thanks, Steve.

I knew you had been through the wringer this past year so coming from you this means a lot.

Thanks, Man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonemonkts

Goodspeak - You seem to be suffering from a horrible case of the blues. First your "wish I could cry" thread, and now this. I'd say it is seasonal but where you live it shouldn't happen. Sunny California and all. Rain getting to you?

You would be right, Stonemonks.

Happens about this time every year.

I dunno....call it Holiday fall-out.

Besides, I just turned 50 and I'm accutely aware of my mortality. Sometimes I wonder about how much time I have left to right some wrongs....it wears on me, you know?

It just needs to get put somewhere...like baggage. Then I feel better.

**************************************************

Thanks, everybody.

An e-mail is a good idea, but they rarely get answered. Phone calls are screened and messages returned not at all.

Nothing new here. I just wish it were different is all.

sonic1 · January-24th-2005, 07:55 PM

I didn't see my brother for over a decade: he was oversees in the army; Bosnia, Germany, Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, and who knows where the hell else.

He would send these chopped up emails (they were "edited"). Last year he left the army, not on good terms. His daughter didn't even recognize him and from that experience he swore he would never be apart from his family again.

He and I are very different in a lot of ways. My brother is barely literate, though very very very sharp. He has a hard time with spelling, though he will read things that keep his interest. His attention span is very short. We both share a horrible childhood and for a while we didn't talk to each other much because all that shit would come up, both of us remembering things that each other forgot (for good reasons).

Anyway when he got home from the middle east last year we started talking on the phone (he doesn't send emails a lot, when he does they feel forced, I think he hates typing judging from the spelling errors-more than even me!).

I visited him when I went to NY this summer and met my neice who is only a month or so younger than my daughter.

Last week they were in Phoenix and our two little families went to the Phoenix Zoo together. It was really nice.

He is republican, though not socially conservative. In fact he hates Bush. But we definately live very different lives. Yet somehow we get along wonderfully. I often wonder why we do get along so well, especially since my wife and her sister fight like kids. It is probably because we are all the family we have. Neither of us have a relationship with our parents, though I think he knows where they live.

When we hang out the differences don't matter at all. We are both joksters and spend a lot of time laughing. He has this uncanny ability to impersonate just about anyone-more talented at it than almost anyone on the late night comic shows!

It is also uncanny that we picked out very similar women to be with. The wives get along well too and comiserate about their feral husbands.

Anyway Goodie, there is more to talk about and share than just politics. I am sure if you got in contact with your brother and hung out, you would be surprised just how much in common you have. You share a lot of genes with him, and you both came from the same place. You will understand more about each other than anyone else can.

HLJ · January-25th-2005, 09:46 AM

G.S my friend me and my brother are 7 yrs apart and as a little dude he allways looked up to me.Because of the age diff we were not very close.He was just a kid who would get in the way when my teen friends would be around and bug the crap out of us.During the summer of my Jr year in college he came to visit me.When this big cool-ass 15 yr old got off the plane
I thought my folks had sent the wrong kid.Itwas like night and day and we had a great time that summer.Over the years or relationship grew and grew but so did my addiction to drugs.Soon because of my disease our relationship had deteriorated to the point that he had threaten to kill me if I hurt our mother one more time.G.S I believe that the God of my uderstanding is the answer to all my problems and when I hit my bottom who did God send to pick me up Brother.He has been right by my side during my recovery and over 10 yrs of being clean he is my best friend.Talk about men not cryin Bull!!My Brother who was the Bestman in my wedding gave a toast that had men young and old wiping thier eyes.Goods go find you Bro,give him a big ass hug and tell him you love him and there ain't a damn thing he can do about it.Peace and all that.

Enforcer · January-25th-2005, 10:07 AM

Man, did HL just own this thread, or what? Great advice.

hornplayer · January-25th-2005, 04:37 PM

right on time, HL.

My sister is 3 1/2 years younger than I, but for years told me in no uncertain terms what I should do to improve my life. Hers was no walk on the beach, either, however... We are very different people, but bottom line, she is my sister, and I love her, and I would still kill if anyone messed with her.

Bury the hatchet. Someone has to take the first step. Do it for yourself. Do it for your mom.

GoodSpeak · January-25th-2005, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hornplayer

Do it for your mom.

HP,

I stated on another thread that I can't cry even though I wish I could.

I was wrong.

Salvador Dali Lama · January-26th-2005, 12:10 AM

thanks sergio, good to be back around... busy but in good ways (mostly) not to hijack this thread, but did you ever get that ipod? i got one about a week ago... best 400 bucks i've ever spent. well not really, but damn, i never thought i'd be so in love with an inanimate object that isnt an instrument.

Enforcer · January-26th-2005, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salvador Dali Lama

best 400 bucks i've ever spent. well not really

Lenny D.Guitarist · January-26th-2005, 11:44 AM

Goody, I can provide you with a few good resources to help you overcome this troubling situation. Just say the word.

Salvador Dali Lama · January-26th-2005, 11:41 PM

GoodSpeak · January-27th-2005, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lenny D.Guitarist

Goody, I can provide you with a few good resources to help you overcome this troubling situation. Just say the word.

Check your PMs, Lenny....and thanks.

Lenny D.Guitarist · April-17th-2005, 09:54 PM

Goody, what's the status vis a vis your brother?

GoodSpeak · April-17th-2005, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lenny D.Guitarist

Goody, what's the status vis a vis your brother?

What brother?

Status quo, Lenny...but thanks for asking anyway.

Lenny D.Guitarist · April-18th-2005, 06:09 AM

Sorry to hear this, Goody. Most of these sad scenarios usually end up with a fragile resolution of sorts when the parties involved ultimately try to reconcile.
In the end this stuff ain't rocket surgery. Good luck.

Jazzooo · April-18th-2005, 09:23 AM

History has to be let go of in this case, Tim. Take the first step now. Life is not short--life is NOW, nothing else.

He may respond, he might not. Just wait an appropriate time, like a month, and try again. Same story. It's none of your business how he responds--just do what you have to do. One of these times, you'll catch him in a receptive mood.

The political thing--I've told you before that I think you take it way too seriously. Let it go.

burning dog · April-18th-2005, 09:57 AM

Goodspeak,

You don't know me, but I hope you contact your brother.

I was was very close to my cousin when I was growing up, we were close in age and hung out together, he didn't get on to well with his close family but got on well with mine, but we drifted apart and he got in trouble etc,

I lost contact with him for twenty years, the last time I saw him was in his coffin last year. I don't know if I could have handled it if it was my brother.

Best Wishes

BD

Lenny D.Guitarist · April-18th-2005, 05:34 PM

Goody,

Mr. Robinson and the burning canine make a lot of sense in their recent posts. I've seen many such scenarios end up wonderfully. Nothing ventured,
a lot lost.