The most annoying things in jazz music

redmango7 · May-15th-2003, 10:38 PM

Thank God for modern/smooth Jazz!

Pete C · May-15th-2003, 11:36 PM

The bowed cymbal.

Vince Kargatis · May-16th-2003, 02:23 AM

This reminds me of the classic Joe Queenan Spy Magazine rant Admit it! It Sucks! Part 1: Jazz. Totally hilarious, but unfortunately, I can't find the full text anywhere on the web. :-/

Found some excerpts though:

"With one or two exceptions - Coltrane, Miles - jazz is an art form that has always been dominated by fat old men in sunglasses and ridiculous suits playing songs with names like "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat" and "Epistrophy." And talk about role models: The most famous jazz musician of them all was a tubby old trumpet player who ended up singing "Hello, Dolly!" with Streisand while wiping his forehead with a soggy hankerchief like some lard-butt umpire at Wrigley Field on Nickel Beer Night. The second-most famous jazz musician was a self-anointed duke who wrote ghastly songs like "Satin Doll." The third-most-famous jazz musician was an emaciated junkie who used to play with his back to the audience and occasionally sprayed the folks in the front row while spitting into his instrument. The list of deadbeats goes on and on. Stan Getz? Junkie. Chet Baker? Junkie. Charlie Parker? Junkie. Oscar Peterson? Fat, old, boring ivory-tinkler."

"Jazz sucks."
"If it.s not Sonny Sharrock and Sonny Stitt honoring the late, great Sun Ra at the Knitting Factory, it's Donald Byrd honoring Charlie Byrd at Birdland. Nameswise, jazz is, like, Elmersville."
"And [rock stars] never, ever call themselves things like Michael Stipe and the Rock Messengers."
"How about all that Claude Bolling jazz-meets-classical horseshit?"

Ha!

Armando · May-16th-2003, 08:15 AM

Recent Down Beat covers

Tanager · May-16th-2003, 08:42 AM

Ah, flamebait. Yummy.

If I had to respond seriously, maybe CD prices and the paucity of shows in central NC.

redmango7 · May-16th-2003, 11:31 AM

Vince--Very funny! I'm glad you guys have a sense of humor and can actually make fun of things in the jazz world. Cheers.

Bruce Lindfield · May-16th-2003, 12:47 PM

I'm not sure what any of he poll options really mean or that I would vote for any of them!

But what annoys me most are the audiences usually!!

So - people who talk loudly trough the bass solo or even worse go to the bar!!

People who come and stand or sit right in front of you, after the gig has started and strike up loud conversations, in quiet passages!!

Or worse, people who complain loudly that Jazz is too dominated by white middle-aged people and only young cool black guys can really do it justice!!

graypencil · May-16th-2003, 01:18 PM

recorded sounds continually being referred to "jazz" that aren't ..for pure marketing reasons:

to wit: curly haired saxophone owners and blond , piano tweedling ex- television emcees ... being found in the jazz bin in record stores ..

redmango7 · May-16th-2003, 04:04 PM

Ha ha. Funny stuff, indeed.

frankpop1 · May-18th-2003, 02:14 PM

all these damn jazz singers vamping over the same dumb ass standards again and again. get a life!

clinthopson · May-20th-2003, 05:53 PM

Drum solos over 8 bars
Bass solos over 8 bars
Bands that don't start on time
Leaders who don't announce tunes
'Traneist players who think that repititous, discordant playing is music
Bad pianos in clubs
Bad sound balance

graypencil · May-20th-2003, 07:26 PM

singers:

who try to "scat" ..and can't ..

who have no sense of pacing ..and will do five dead slow ballads ( OR fast tunes ) in a row ..

clubowners who refuse to even minimally treat their clubs acoustically ..creating that wonderful "train depot" echoing effect.

May-22nd-2003, 01:01 PM

The Hammond B3. The only instrument in Jazz to have been created by Satan himself. When I hear it I'm not sure whether I'm about to stand for the national anthem that precedes the drop of the puck, or whether I'm about to watch a really horrible childrens show from the 60's. Is there an instrument that sounds more hokey than this? Am I supposed to take it's sound seriously?

Jason Bivins · May-26th-2003, 07:43 PM

Scott, not even Larry Young? Tony Williams Lifetime, dude!

jamieb · May-26th-2003, 11:36 PM

Everyone is welcome to their own opinion, but....
Larry Young, Jimmy Smith, Mel Rhyne, et al can hardly be compared to ball park organists. Yikes! Hokey?! I think not.

As far as annoying things in jazz, I hate to beat a dead horse, but bad non-swinging singers who write their own lyrics to bebop tunes.

john williams · June-5th-2003, 04:27 AM

Singers who try to scat and can!

jacman · June-8th-2003, 11:35 AM

hilarious! i think i'm gonna like this place. :-)

graypencil · June-8th-2003, 01:45 PM

at blowing sessions:

horn players who, lined up six to ten deep on the stand, insist upon playing around eight to ten choruses EACH ..then decide to let the thoroughly wiped out rhythm section do it's solo turns ..and THEN:

..wanna play ANOTHER four or five choruses of fours with the poor grossly fatigued drummer ..who's been playing steadily at full tilt for something like twenty , thirty minutes ..

...and usually on either Cherokee or molto swifto blues tunes ..

..And , I think I can speak for all the drummers in the world who have been put in this situation during their careers..

Stormcrow · June-9th-2003, 09:23 PM

Piano-playing pop divas who call themselves vocalists but really have no voice at all...

the outrageous price of CDs...

the fact that the pop culture labels any non-classical instrumental music as jazz whether is is or not...

people who say Ella could not put any emotion into what she sang

mke · June-14th-2003, 08:01 PM

Can one of the 9 people who voted for it explain to me what 'The repetitious, mind-numbing "doo-bee-doo-bee-doo" ' actually is???

SinginSumo · June-14th-2003, 08:32 PM

People that categorize albums of pop instrumentals as so-called "smooth jazz."

BeBop · June-22nd-2003, 09:28 PM

Jazz 'Fans'

We're a small segment of society. For the most part, we care deeply about jazz. Yet we bicker among ourselves so much. No one needs to like it all, but it would be nice if we could acknowledge that jazz has taken many forms over the last century-or-so, and will take on some new ones in the future.

Enough preaching. Off the soapbox, BeBop.

Pete C · June-22nd-2003, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mke
Can one of the 9 people who voted for it explain to me what 'The repetitious, mind-numbing "doo-bee-doo-bee-doo" ' actually is???

Mark Kleinhaut · June-26th-2003, 04:27 PM

Worst thing? EASY......the "paycheck".

graypencil · June-26th-2003, 04:34 PM

ha ha .. very true:

in most localities, "paying jazz gig" is pretty much an oxymoron ..

Groovie · July-25th-2003, 02:58 AM

The drawings on the album covers of the Verve Diva Series of Ella, Carmen, Billie, Nina, Anita, Sarah and Dinah are a disgrace to these great artists.

Jazzmoose · August-16th-2003, 07:35 PM

Sax players who apparently can only play two notes over and over in their solos, but it's okay, because its free jazz and you just don't get it, dude.*

*As a relatively new poster, and an unknown factor, I should point out, and stress, that this is not an attack on free jazz. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread...

Pete C · August-18th-2003, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Scott Dolan
The Hammond B3.

Too bad Jimmy Smith & Janis Joplin never recorded together. I'd love to tie Dolan down and force him to listen to it for hours on end.

Dibble · August-27th-2003, 09:59 PM

Kenny G...bleugghhh...shudder..cringe

I have no idea why..just too flowery and crap..she says knowing nothing..but hey thats how I feel..its lift (elevator) music imho..but he can play his instrument..just not to my liking

skulks off..

shudder

Nathaniel Catchpole · August-29th-2003, 07:34 PM

Cuthbert, Grub.